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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask when you gave it child a mobile phone?

28 replies

AmbitiousHalibut · 16/10/2019 23:32

Looking for some wisdom really. I know it'll ultimately be a personal choice, and everyone's circumstances / maturity levels etc are different, but I'm trying to work out what's best for our DS (10).

I've heard a few friends with older kids saying that giving phones at Christmas in year 6 is great because the novelty wears off by the time they start secondary school. I get that. But then I hear of children being upset about things that have happened overnight in WhatsApp groups or becoming addicted to checking their phones the whole time, and I wonder whether we really need to bring it into our lives just yet. DS is a sensible, sensitive boy. He's not actually pushing for a phone (I think he's assumed we'd say no) but he is walking to and from school more often now and I'm starting to think it might be useful for him to have one. Plus, honestly, I'd love to exchange the odd text with him! He's a great kid.

Would love to hear anyone's experiences and pros and cons as I weigh it all up in my confused old brain.

OP posts:

Original poster

AmbitiousHalibut · 16/10/2019 23:33

Crap. Typo in the thread title of all places. Sorry. Bugger.

OP posts:

kazza446 · 16/10/2019 23:34

Both my boys received a phone in year 6. Enabled them to get used to having it on them before they started high school. It’s my daughters turn this year!

WellVersedInEtiquette · 16/10/2019 23:35

My eldest got hers once in y7. In the october after she started if I remember correctly x

clary · 16/10/2019 23:37

11th birthday for all mine.

CarolDanvers · 16/10/2019 23:37

Year 7 to start secondary school with. She's not allowed WhatsApp. There's a reason the age rating is so high for it.

Nat6999 · 16/10/2019 23:39

Ds had a very basic phone aged 6 & had my old iPhone to play Lego & minecraft on WiFi. He has had a smartphone since he was about 10, he is nearly 16 now & has a Samsung A70, he isn't on it all the time, I don't have to tell him off or confiscate it at night.

crustycrab · 16/10/2019 23:44

@CarolDanvers what is she allowed? I'm not being funny, just asking out of interest. WhatsApp seems tame to me as an adult, it's just the same as messaging. Facebook is a bit 😳

Leeds2 · 16/10/2019 23:48

My DD, now 21, got one for her 11th birthday in the March before she started senior school. Given her age, I don't think they used it much for social media back then, and she certainly didn't take it into primary school with her.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/10/2019 23:50

End of yr 5 when they started coming home from school on their own more regularly. Not a new phone just one of our old ones from when we upgraded. There was no way I was giving them a flash new phone that would make them a target for theft.

diamantegal · 16/10/2019 23:55

DS will get one Christmas of Y6 (currently Y5) as that's the point he's allowed to walk from school and I want him to be able to ring me if need be. But he's already got an icloud account because of the way we've set up his ipad, and face times his friends as well as messaging each other.

He knows I'm reading his messages to keep an eye on them, and has actually said to me that it's a bit annoying some times so he prefers to ignore it. So I'm quite happy that he's having a gentle introduction - I'm sure it will change, but the whole messaging piece has lost it's novelty already.

Thehagonthehill · 16/10/2019 23:57

Start of secondary school had my old one,not basic but not smart.They aren't allowed phones anyway so it was handed in in the morning and collected at home time.
She got a basic smart phone at 13 and ,her(not anything expensive or contract)first decent one at 16.
When she outgrows this it will be her buisness and budget,thankfully all Android amongst her and her peers

soulrunner · 16/10/2019 23:59

Not UK, so possibly less relevant but mine will get a Nokia when they are in last term of Year 5 (on basis that they can then get public transport home from school/ get taxis to and from activities etc- this is normal here). If they don't lose that, they can have a smartphone for their 11th birthday.

Pipandmum · 17/10/2019 00:01

End of Y6. My son (now 16) does Snapchat and Instagram my daughter (14) does no social media other than WhatsApp her friends. It’s their main form of communication out of school, but my daughter doesn’t really care much and leaves her phone at home a lot. My son would feel like he’s missing an arm without his!
If your son isn’t pushing for it hold off. Kids have been walking to and from school for 100s of years without a phone...

Topseyt · 17/10/2019 00:13

Start of secondary school for all of mine. Basic contract phones, with the account capped so that they couldn't go over their limits (it cuts off as soon as they do and doesn't start again until the bundle refreshes the next month).

I never worried about WhatsApp. It is tame really, you just need to keep an eye on the type of messages being sent. Twitter and other social media like possibly Instagram can be more problematic. Observe the age limits.

I understand from my DDs that Facebook is now much less popular with young people and teenagers now as it has been overtaken by Twitter and Instagram (Instagram is owned by FB, I understand). Doesn't mean none will ever use it though.

TheNumberOneSourceOfEverything · 17/10/2019 02:50

Year 7 to start secondary school with. She's not allowed WhatsApp. There's a reason the age rating is so high for it.

I don't mean to sound patronising but are you sure you mean whatsapp? because that's a standard messaging service, it's popular because it's over the internet and you can have group chat with friends on different platforms. It's basically like Skype and can be used across iPhone and android which is why it's popular. The age rating is also only 12.

There's def concerns to be had about the online aspect and I think a lot of people overlook apps like YouTube, Tik tok, a lot of parents when dd was in primary had never so much as watched a vid of the youtubers and the type of content their kids were watching and forget that there's no watershed on there.

My dd didn't have her own phone until y7 but in the years before that she had access to mine and was introduced over time how to navigate sites, what to do if she comes across inappropriate content, shit like not checking it when crossing a road, having loud music so can't hear someone approach her, how to take a screenshot to show an adult if some thing did happen, i wanted her to understand all the rules and have time to learn them before handing her phone with a list of dos and dos.

I'm pleased I did because the first bloody day other y7 boys were trying to send porn to other phones via Bluetooth and airdrop and when that didn't work they were shoving their phones in the girls faces and laughing at their reactions. Dd didn't see it but the audio was enough and when the school suspended a couple of them their parents were kicking off on the schools Facebook page about boys being boys and how unfair it is.

She's y10 now but I've read about similar on here and from family members whose children have started secondary schools after dd did. Its depressing really.

RebootYourEngine · 17/10/2019 04:16

DS was 10 when he got his first phone. He got it due to medical needs rather than anything else. 5 years on I wish I had held off. I have had 5 years of hell. He has become so addicted to it. Can't even go from the living room to the kitchen and back without having it in his hand.

CarolDanvers · 17/10/2019 07:31

The age rating is 16 actually...

And the reason she doesn't have it is there's been incidents of horrific bullying on there. Her school excluded 11 girls from year 7 for a bullying situation the year before dd started. 11 girls in year 7? When schools avoid excluding at all costs. Can only imagine how bad it must have been. At our initial interview on her starting they asked us to seriously consider not allowing WhatsApp due to the ease of ganging up to bully on there. My dd is autistic and I agreed with their request. I'll look at it again in a year or two now she'd 13.

Original poster

AmbitiousHalibut · 17/10/2019 07:34

Thank you for all the responses - plenty to think about! I had been thinking about a basic phone to start with just for texting and calling, but DH is about to upgrade his phone and wondered if it would be a good use for his old (smart) one. Reading your replies, I'm less Convinced. DH is techy and responsible and could help making it as safe as possible, but... well, I'm not sure DS needs all the bells and whistles just yet.

Thanks for helping me to mull!

OP posts:

CarolDanvers · 17/10/2019 07:34

what is she allowed? I'm not being funny, just asking out of interest.

Why would you be being funny ? She's allowed FB and IG, but never wanted FB so only has IG. She plays on line games - Block Star Planet etc and chats on line there and I keep a relaxed eye on it.

ThatsLongFam · 17/10/2019 07:42

DS in year 7.

DD is in year 6 and will get one for her 11th birthday, as she is wants to start walking to school with her friends.

zzzzzzzx · 17/10/2019 07:43

DS is nearly 9 and in year 4. He has had a phone for a few months. It was his sister's old phone with a new battery in it. I put a giffgaff sim in it and pay £8 per month. He has got it for my peace of mind and never take it to school. He dances 5 days a week and I would like him to be able to get in touch with me easily if he wanted to. Also, sometimes I leave him at home if I'm dropping his sister off and only do this happily because he can contact me easily. He has Snapchat and nothing else. He's been told he can only add people on Snapchat of his approx his own age. The kids in the dance school are up to 18 so I wanted to avoid that. He doesn't have Facebook or instagram. He only has phone numbers for me, his dad and two sisters (one grown up and living away) and there. He might play the odd game on the phone but generally it remains in his dance bag.

BanKittenHeels · 17/10/2019 07:56

We’ve judged by their maturity. The eldest two had phones (no social media until 13) during the last term of year 6 when they were allowed to cycle home from school.

They mostly just used them for games until they were about 12, when messages between friends became more common.

DD uses her phone to take really interesting photos and very sweetly volunteers with some of her classmates to teach retirees how to use smartphones as part of a school programme.

They have to leave their phones to charge on the desk on the landing at night.

Our DS who is just 11 will in no way be mature enough to have a phone come summer term, unless some kind of miracle happens in the meantime.

OrchidInTheSun · 17/10/2019 07:59

Since year 7 because I don't always know where he is. WhatsApp is how all the kids communicate (mainly homework and silly memes) but I keep an eye on it.

stucknoue · 17/10/2019 08:00

Year 6, but not smartphones (weren't as common then) 12 for smartphones

Vulpine · 17/10/2019 08:02

Bill gates didnt allow his kids to have them till they were 14

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