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Original poster

Do I take things too far ?

29 replies

French8312 · 16/10/2019 22:13

Like a lot of posters on here, I have been in some awful relationships and had some horrific treatment from men.
I get told very often that I am a nice person but I can definitely be mouthy if I think i've been wronged..
Each time a guy has done something i've had a go at them and tried to put them in their place and make them realise.
For example, a guy who lost interest after sex and ghosted me, I told him 'i'd dodged a bullet'.
A guy who dumped me on Facebook for not being a 'challenge' I said hed been a massive coward, and told him to come back in a few years when hed matured a little.
My male friend who asked me for naked pictures after the girl he actually like rejected him. 'how dare you try and use me to boost your fragile little ego, it's disgusting. If you want to get off on some women, there are websites for that'
Guy who was already secretly with someone but trying it on with me 'don't you dare flirt with me then text sweet nothings to your other one, there's no way youre going to see me again.
To the guy who ghosted me twice' you are seriously weird, grow up ffs'
other examples..
My friend says just 'let it go' and not say a word to them. For minor situations i say nothing and let it go. I can be quite cutting but I feel like they need to know that it's not ok what they have done.
I know it wont change anything though, but I do move on after that.
I just feel like I have a lot of built-up anger inside towards men and maybe some mild anger issues directed at them.
I never speak that way to friends or colleagues etc.
Ive never called anyone names or used insulting language, just about their behaviour.
Does it sound like I am going too far and to just forget these men asap ? Thanks

OP posts:
Bezalelle · 16/10/2019 22:17

Sounds fine to me, but then I'm not one to mince my words!

Bluntness100 · 16/10/2019 22:18

Does it matter? Say what you want, it's not like you're going to be seeing them again.

Original poster
French8312 · 16/10/2019 22:19

Yeah it's just when it comes to men for some reason ! I know exactly what to say to them to make them feel guilty for what theyve done, but I'm starting to feel like i'm taking my general anger out on men on each man... Which isnt good

OP posts:
Original poster
French8312 · 16/10/2019 22:19

That's true, I won't be seeing them again..

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2019 22:20

Always remember...

Do I take things too far ?
Heronry · 16/10/2019 22:21

Well, surely the reason you don’t speak that way to friends and colleagues is because they aren’t ghosting you, two-timing you, using you for sex or hassling you for naked pictures? Why does your friend feel you shouldn’t challenge poor behaviour?

Interestedwoman · 16/10/2019 22:21

I think that's fine, you didn't particularly intend to continue contact with any of them, so it's fine to let off steam. :) It's healthier than entirely keeping it in IMO.

Digitalash · 16/10/2019 22:22

I agree with bluntness but if you are trying to get under there skin just ignore them it will annoy them more

Original poster
French8312 · 16/10/2019 22:26

Yes that's very true. It also comes from me having feelings for them. I agree it is important to challenge poor behaviour as there is a chance they may not do it again if they realise the effect it has on people.
But thanks, I just worry sometimes that I go too far but these situations are bound to make people angry

OP posts:
TopEndChops · 16/10/2019 22:38

From the examples you've given i say go for it. If you only make one bloke think 'hang on, what i've done isn't right' its worth it. (Its also worth it regardless for your own self worth.)
We grow by reflecting on our behaviour, and that sometimes happens because we're called out on it.

Heronry · 16/10/2019 23:06

Well, I don’t think it’s your responsibility to educate, and I think you should proceed according to what makes you feel best. If you want to ignore, ignore. If you feel like making your feelings known will improve your mood, do that.

64sNewName · 16/10/2019 23:09

I don’t actually think It sounds like you have been particularly harsh to those men, in the context of their behaviour.

LordNibbler · 16/10/2019 23:13

I think if more women did what you do it might make men think twice about being shits.

morrisseysquif · 16/10/2019 23:27

No, how else will they learn about boundaries? I do the same.

I wish more women were like us. Don't say, they don't know and some other poor woman gets shafted.

Dieu · 16/10/2019 23:44

Totally fine, OP. You're not being arsey or hurtful for the sake of it. You're honest when the situation demands it. And good on you I say!

NoProblem123 · 16/10/2019 23:46

You sound fab - keep that shit up 👍🏻

Hederex · 17/10/2019 05:34

I think that's fine, though they probably won't take it on board so personally I wouldn't bother. But who knows? Maybe if enough people say it they'll catch on.

Sparklfairy · 17/10/2019 05:48

I think it depends. I have absolutely no problem calling out shitty behaviour and can be very outspoken. But when it's clear from their treatment of you that they clearly have no conscience or morals, then often they will turn your words against you and tell everyone you're a crazy bitch (up to you whether you care or not). These people don't feel guilt and any attempts to get them to self reflect gets ignored.

I like the saying 'you can say more with silence than you ever can with words'. This doesn't always apply but you can gauge based on the person and what they've done which course of action is usually best.

Troels · 17/10/2019 07:43

I like it. If no one ever tells them what they did was shit, how will they ever know?
It's not like you stalk them and keep at it. That would be taking it too far. Telling them in a few more eloquent words to fuck off then, is good.
Your friend sounds like she backs down and plays the smiling people pleaser with men.

Original poster
French8312 · 17/10/2019 07:49

Thanks for the replies ! Yeah my friend normally says 'just leave it, they arent worth it'. But I agree that if they arent told, they may just do it to others. Hopefully they will take it on board !

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 17/10/2019 08:00

Those don't seem particularly harsh replies.

Personally I'm more of the ignore school of thought because I think it's more effective, but there's no reason to say that's right and no reason for you to take the more effective route anyway. Whatever makes you feel better wins!

potter5 · 17/10/2019 08:16

You are definitely not going too far. Why should you have to put up with being treated like that? Good for you! Smile

Brefugee · 17/10/2019 08:19

they're saying you're "going too far" because they don't like hearing the truth. They are not harsh replies at all. In fact as PP said if more of us spoke these truths, it would probably be a better thing all round.

I think you're being assertive. Think: would they say that to a man? (well, most likely they wouldn't be asking a man for nudes, but the scenario isn't important). The answer is: no, they wouldn't.

I admire your truthfulness and lack of willingness to put up with this crap.

Original poster
French8312 · 17/10/2019 08:20

Thanks :) yeah I don't say stuff like 'youre a fucking cunt'. The two-timing guy I told him i'd probably need to get an sti test after him. Then i ended up sending one more text saying maybe I'd been a little nasty and that i would forget what he did but had been 100% right to call him out.
I agree ignoring is also good. I will keep doing as I am doing !

OP posts:
Original poster
French8312 · 17/10/2019 08:22

Yeah, I think it is a shame that a lot of women and men are mistreated and it would be great if they were able to stand up for themselves, but I know it's not always easy to do !

OP posts:
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