I have been dating my DP for eight months. He is wonderful. I love him very much. I have never felt more comfortable or alive with anyone before him. I have had a serious of shit-arse boyfriends in the past who have been abusive wankers. DP is super clever, attractive and modest. He is funny and caring. He makes me feel at home. I have never experienced anything close to this.
He has never had a girlfriend before me. He is in his 30s, and has had few sexual encounters. When he first told me about his lack of relationship history and his (3) sexual partners, I was quite nervous. I was really weary about the sex side of things to be honest, because we waited a very long time to have sex and I thought his inexperience would make it awful. But it wasn't, and it never has been an issue. The sex is amazing.
However, I do think the lack of previous relationships for him is putting a lot of strain on us.
He seems to have a very idealized view of relationships and how "things should be". Any time we seem to have a disagreement or I have a concern about something, he seems to fall apart. In terms of thinking we should split up, we aren't right for each other, and will usually get very subdue and moody. He seems to think that any interaction that is not overly positive or loving is a sign of incompatibility (e.g. me for example saying I would prefer to speak after work rather than lunch time). He's never nasty - quite the opposite, almost really really sad. Twice now he has "ended" the relationship because he thought it wasn't how a relationship should be and that he was confused. These were over issues I know other men wouldn't think twice about.
Secondly, he is not very accommodating with plans. For example, I was recently very ill (after a discharge from hospital) and he was "looking after me", but did not even consider not doing his hobby that evening. I understand this to some extent, he has been on his own and not had to consider the needs of someone else before.
Everyone I mention this to seems to tell me DP is abusive or selfish, but I don't think that is the case. My first relationship was when I was 17, and it's like he has my mindset that I had then! That relationships are all lovey dovey interactions and always smooth sailing - kind of like the mantra that you don't need to "make it" work with "the one".
How can we get over this? I know he loves me too, as he actually got into the relationship in the first place! (he is very socially shy and in his own words weary of people and relationships). But, I am honestly worried his inexperience could make our future difficuilt