Food Shopping on DD's birthday

[expatinspain]

Fully prepared to be told IABU here, but at the moment I'm feeling a bit pissed off.

Saturday is DD's 10th birthday. We are having a bowling party for her at 6pm. I know that sounds a weird time to some people, but in Spain kids parties are mostly in the evening. Anyway, my plan was to do presents in the morning, go for a nice brunch with her and DP and then come back Skype family (will be around three different sets to family to talk to), have a nice lunch she likes around 2pm and a couple of hours to chill and play with some of her presents before leaving for the party. She's got the credit card monopoly, so I'm sure she will want a game.

Mentioned to DP about going food shopping on Friday, and he said no we're going on Saturday as he is going to do some work (this isn't his job, just some stripping of materials to sell on later from his dad's electrical company. This is an ongoing thing with no completion date, just as and when) as he didn't do any last weekend, because we met up with friends. He has been at this most of the summer every Friday evening and every Saturday and I haven't complained. We've missed loads of family time due to this 'work' and now because he hasn't done any for nearly two weeks he's arsey about me expecting him to forfeit it for another week, so we can spend the day as a fun day for her, rather than supermarket shopping (her least favourite thing), which could be done the day before. We can't go in Sunday, because they don't open and online delivery is not available here.

I suppose there's more to this as he's always doing bloody sport; running two evenings per week, exercising at home two other nights and cycling on a Sunday morning. When you add the work (choice, not obligation) on Friday evenings and Saturday morning until around 4pm, it just really fucks me off that he can't be a bit more flexible on DD's birthday which is one day out of 365!! I'm a language teacher and have a pretty heavy planning workload and am arranging my time so I have the weekend free for DD. I think kids birthdays are important and it's nice to have a fun, family day without having yo do all the mundane stuff. So, AIBU and overthinking this and an hour in the supermarket is not an issue, or is he?

Can't you just go on your own on Friday? Or one of you on saturday so she doesn't have to go?

Why does doing the food shopping need to be a family trip?

Do you all have to go? Can’t he go alone, and can’t you just insist his plan won’t work?

Can one of you go alone while the Skype calls are happening if it has to be Saturday?

I don't drive, so he can go alone on Saturday, of course, but the idea was to have a fun family day, as this seems to be a rare event at the moment. Can't get buses etc. You need a car to do the shop here.

Coldrainagain I suppose that could be a plan. He can go then alone. I just don't understand why he can't be a bit flexible and go Friday.

A couple of hours max for him to go food shopping won't hurt imo

goawayquicky I try to tell him that plan wouldn't work, but he just got arsey with me.

That's very annoying. Is he DDs dad?

YANBU to want to get the food shop out of the way. If he's not willing to budge can you give him a list and insist he go early on Saturday morning before brunch? That way you and DD can have a lazy morning and she won't have to do her least favorite thing?

I would be applying for my license if possible OP. It seems he's got no end of freedom and yet you have to beg him when you want to go somewhere. Not the kind of man I'd want to be relying on for transport.

cherrybanyspliffup It won't hurt no, but the lack of family time and inflexibility on his part will. I'm just a bit fed up with him always doing what he needs to do and that's how it is. If I took that attitude too, DD would be having a very lonely childhood. I've been pretty patient about his sporting hobbies and
this ongoing non obligatory work and think there should be some give and take, but it seems by the replies so far that IABU. Still doesn't stop me from feeling vexed with him at the moment though 😂

I think YANBU. If hes always busy on other things, surely he can clear just one day to spend time with his daughter

squirrelplay To be fair, I don't have to beg him re the driving. He ferries DD around everywhere and always give me a lift if I need it. The problem is he's so rigid about things at times and doesn't see the wood for the trees. I will get my license eventually, but my Spanish is intermediate at the moment, so I need to get to the next level, as I will have to take the test in Spanish. I would struggle a bit with that at the moment. Maybe in a year or so I'll be at the right level to do it. I should have done it when I was younger, but I lived in central London from when I was 19, so just had no need of a car or the expense of parking avd insurance in London.

squirrel No. he isn't her dad, but is as good as. We've been together since she was very young and she doesn't see her real dad. Maybe this is an extra layer of why I feel the way I do, because things like this always make you question if a birth father would act differently.

Op, he sounds like a selfish twat. When do you get time to do stuff for you?? I bet not nearly as often as Captain Selfish.

He can shop on Friday. He can be flexible for dd’s bday.

Otherwise I’d be finding myself shopping, Cleaning, etc on HIS birthday...

Can you get the shopping delivered instead?

BaberaofSeville No, there isn't a delivery option at our local supermarket.