To be annoyed with husband

[Unifolker]

Name changed as could be outing.

Younger brother recently broke up with his girlfriend and last week he moved in with me and husband for a few weeks whilst he gets his own place. Brother has been friendly to husband and has made an effort (asking if he went for a drink etc) but he's said no.

Husband has said he wants brother to leave.

I'm annoyed at him. What should I do?

Well I can understand it might be a bit of an awkward living arrangement. Perhaps help brother search for places to get him moving out ASAP. Has he got anywhere else to go? How old is he?

I wouldn't want anyone else living in my house, either. Your husband probably doesn't feel comfortable in his own home. Your brother is an adult, he can find a place to live.

How old is your brother?

Does he have a room or is he kipping on the sofa?

Why does your husband want him to leave?

Did your husband agree to your brother moving in?

Is brother working? Would it be more appropriate for him to say at parents house(if this is an option)? As a married couple, it will cause tensions if hubby not in agreement.

Id set a time limit for brother to stay. It only takes two weeks to find a rental, here so whatever is normal for where you are...tell brother that’s his move out no later than date.
Your husband is probably annoyed because he’s been there a week and it seems to be an open ended thing. He may be annoyed too if he had no say in your brother staying....you didn’t say if you just told your brother yes without even talking it over with your husband first (which is common courtesy, even housemates talk over guests staying long term before saying it’s ok).

Why’s he asked him to leave? As others have said, did he agree or did he get told?

I love my family but don’t want to spend unspecified weeks with any of them. If he wants your brother to go then he has to go, it’s his house too.

When my sister left her partner (he was a total shit) I let her and their two children come and stay with me and my husband.

It was really difficult but I loved her and seeing her struggle was not an option.

My husband was very patient but the house was quite a tense environment because he felt a bit uncomfortable with her and the children being in our home every day.

They stayed for a month and by the end of that time I was ready for them to go to because as much as I loved them all it was very difficult because I knew how it was affecting my husband.

How long has your brother been there?
Is he helping around the house? Financially contributing to things?

Has your husband given a specific reason as to why he wants your brother to leave?

Did they have a good relationship before he moved in or has it always been a bit distant?

Brother is 22.

He's currently staying in the spare room. Husband hasn't said why he wants him the leave he said he just does when I asked him.

Yes brother has a job and he's said he will give us money.

He can't stay at our parents as they live 4 hours away. Yes husband said he could stay.

Just try and help him get own place then as quickly as possible, and get husband on board too, looking for rentals, etc. it will probably help his self esteem anyway, rather than depending on you.

He's been here for a week. He is helping around the house and has said he will give us money. No husband hasn't gave a reason why

They have always been a bit distant but have gone to the football together/for a drink before.

I'm thinking your husband didn't realise how intrusive it would be having your brother there.

I personally think your husband is being a bit mean. He should at least be able to articulate why he wants him to leave rather than 'I just do'. I'd offer to help your brother find somewhere to live and you should be able to get an idea of how long it will take

I think the least your DH can do is articulate to you his reasons for wanting to go back on his agreement. Privately, of course. It might be something your brother is doing inadvertently and you could convey it to him.

If he won't say, it may be because he feels he's being unreasonable which is possibly the case.

Having a clear end date would help, as would sharing updates on his search.

It's not nice for you being piggy-in-the-middle, though.

1- if he can’t say why he wants your Dbro out, I’m not sure why you should listen to him. Surely, if he doesn’t want him there, there has to be a reason. Or is it that that reason isn’t that acceptable and he knows you will balk at it?? Esp as he agreed to it in the first place.

2- doe she think that because he said he wants him out, then that’s what shouod happen? And of not, being PA (by being cold and distant and making everyone feel unconfortable) is an OK way to behave?

Tbh I think his behaviour is crap. Assuming no backstory, no issues between them, no MH problems on your DH side etc... I think he could suck it up until your dbro has found somewhere to live. It’s not going to take months! If the shoe was on the other side, I’m sure he would appreciate if a family member (like his SIL) was helping and giving him a bed until he got sorted.

Tbh all this talk about having is own in your house being invasive etc... feels very weird to me when you are talking about a family member.
When I was little, I remember my grand parents coming and stay with us for 3 months at a time (we were living overseas).
We’ve had an uncle staying over until they found a house to live.
My parents had a nice staying over for a while when she basically became an orphan.

I dint know. But supporting family member is certainly one of the good thing about having a family? You give support but you also get some? (Assuming you are getting on well enough with said family member of course - but there is nothing in this case that is saying the OP’s DH has good reasons not to want to see him in his house)

It could be as simple as “I don’t want your brother to hear me having sex with you”
Men can be weird about hanging out with a brother and him knowing they just did the 🍆🍩 with his sister.

DH is being a mean git. Marriage is also about supporting a partner in their relationships with their family. Tell him to suck it up, its only for a few weeks and its important for you to be able to support your brother.

I agree with @DoctorAllcome. I think the issue of sex could have a lot to do with this. Are the bedrooms close to each other?

I am helping brother find a place. Brother and husband have have always been distant but they've at least made an effort but husband isn't making an effort

No the bedrooms arnt close to each other

I'm like you op and would have people stay a lot of dh was comfortable but he's really not. He likes his own space and is a private person. Imo though family is family and you're helping your brother out when he's in a bad space. I agree that your brother needs to have a plan. Maybe this would help your dh to know that there's an end point.

We are the type of family that always help each other out, wouldn't want it any other way. DH is being unreasonable. Good for you for helping your brother. And sounds like your brother is being a good house guest.

Yes brother is a good house guest and is trying to make an effort. I don't know what to do though as I'm helping brother find a place but husband wants him to leave.

Tell your husband that its your house as well and you are helping your brother. Can't abide men who sulk and won't give proper reasons.