To not know what to say to the nursery staff

[Confusedddd]

So DS is nearly two and has been in nursery for nearly a year now all been ok no problems. Recently however when I pick him up (3 occasions in two weeks) they have told me that he has “misbehaved” and had to be reminded of the rules when I ask for more detail they said “throwing things” or being “hands on not hitting but hands on” I obviously don’t encourage this behaviour at home but what do they expect me to say ? Isn’t this in some part normal toddler behaviour ? I just find it strange the way they say it and then give me a look and go silent waiting for me to say something ?

What @Insieme said

What is the point of that @Jinxed2 ? Yes, it's nice to hear nice things about your little one, but it becomes pointless if you only ever say positive things. If a little one is having difficulties, then of course their parents should no and there should be honest and open discussions.

I work in a pre school and we only tell parents positive things at pick up time.
That's lovely until the child needs extra support and you suddenly have to go from "your child is an angel and every day is amazing" to "your child is really struggling and we need to refer them to an outside agency - oh yes, sorry, we haven't mentioned anything for the last year as thought you'd only want positives!".

Exactly Gleam

They need to tell you so you are aware of issues arising, partly so you can look for behaviour at home that's similar and reprimand in an age appropriate way but also so if the issue escalates you are not surprised. At nearly 2 it could be normal behaviour he'll grow out of but in a few cases it's early signs of problems. They are doing their job

I work in a pre school and we only tell parents positive things at pick up time.

That's such bad practise. It means any problems you have to report to parents are going to come as a huge shock, plus it doesn't give a consistent picture to parents so things may be missed as it will be assumed it's a home issue, rather than one the child has in multiple setting.

Don’t shoot me I’m not the boss!

In all honesty, 2 year olds push and throw things. We deal with it at the time. Of course if there were big issues we would inform the parent but not normal toddler behaviour....

We do of course tell parents if the child isn’t behaving as they normally would “so and so hasn’t been themselves today, is everything ok?”

We would never do what has happened in the OP.

Agree with Gleam and Lyralalala- it's their job to let you know of any bad behaviour.

I'd want to know- why on earth wouldn't you?

Just say 'oh dear- thanks for letting me know we'll keep an eye on that'

I don’t remember writing that I didn’t want to know about “bad” behaviour , I do want to know my issue is the way she looks at me when she says it almost in a disapproving way it just throws me off and makes me feel unsure what to say. Some useful suggestions though and I will ask some questions to try and tackle it at home

I wouldn't worry, I think they just have to inform you. Probably more to cover themselves for however they have reprimanded him, incase of accusations back at them if your DC was to miscommunicate the version of events. I think we've all been in that situation at least once....your stomach sinks when they ask to talk to you, and I think it's just a terribly British and normal thing to feel slightly embarrassed, and want to apologise, as if it is at all in your control how they behave at nursery anyway!
If it's a continuing trend however, ask to speak with them, and ask why they think his behaviour has changed. If he is fine at home and you have no issues different to normal, then maybe something is happening at nursery to upset him, but he could just simply be physically and mentally tired and acting out, or clashing with another personality at nursery.

Unfortunately my son is in reception has been on the other side of the "no hands rule" he's came home with face full of scratchs, pinned to the floor and bruises all up his legs from one child that clearly wasn't taught about "no hands". I think the staff was just telling you so you can do what you can at home as they can only do as much as they can in that setting.... so learning whats bad to good behaviour.

I've had the same messages lately and I just say 'so what did you say to him...?' And how did he react? I just thank them for letting me know or say to my son that it's not good behaviour. I don't feel any pressure or awkward they are just informing you can't do anything

Nursery should deal as and when. With kids that young, later punishments wouldn’t work. They probably just want to keep you informed.

My MIL said something similar this week after looking after my 3 year old, and left the same empty silence. I had no idea what I was meant to say, but I did say she doesn’t usually behave that way (she absolutely doesn’t). Bad behaviour has to be dealt with immediately with young children, in whichever way you choose to.

Even at that age parents can say something to the child about what happened. “Oh dear Mrs X said you haven’t been using kind hands at Nursery, we must not hurt our friends that’s a sad thing to do”.
Then maybe read a book at home about being kind to friends?

Nursery and school need support from parents in tackling undesirable behaviour. And yes it is all “normal” to some extent for toddlers. But that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be tackled.

They are telling you so that if the behaviour continues/escalates/or he grows older and is still continuing the behaviour .... you have been informed many times along the way. So there are no surprises at parent meetings and in written observations/reports.

Just say “oh dear thanks so much for letting me know. We will continue working on this at home also.”

They're just letting you know so you're not in the dark. It's an update :) Just say something like 'oi thanks, I'll keep an eye on it at home' and perhaps discuss how they handled it so you can be consistent at home, but mostly it's just an update.