To ask you what your goals are?

[Ifimnottheone]

I am completely stuck in a rut. I used to be fiercely ambitious as a teenager, had all these dreams of travel, multiple degrees, all the adventures I would go on. Then I met dh young, got married, had DC, and have lost myself completely. My life revolves around dh and DC and cleaning the house .

I watch dh gaining hobbies and promotions and am envious as I have nothing.

Please inspire me with your goals and adventures. There are a couple of things I would like to do but most resolve around time/money, both of which are lacking with three young DC.

Honestly, I just want to get to the end of the year without having a heart attack. Life does stop for a bit when you have young children I find.

Agree with @Velveteenfruitbowl

I used to be so ambitious career-wise, education-wise and travelling.

It's not that I'm not anymore, it's just those goals have been took over with goals of being a good mum and having a happy home and safe and loved children and that's bigger than any goal.

Otherwise (on a more light hearted note), have a little look at evening clubs etc in your area (exercise, yoga, crafts) and just try something! I think just trying new stuff once you've had children feels like a big achievement, big step and a lot of independence!

Problem is that I haven't just been stopped in my tracks; I never really got started in the first place.

To get to the end of my current contract without killing the so-called IT manager at the company I am contracted to!

I'm due in January, my goals for maternity leave are to learn to drive and finish my MSc (I've done everything apart from the dissertation, the morning sickness was too bad and I suspended for a year)

Within next 3 years we'd like to buy a house.

After that think about if we want DC3 or not. DH is a yes, I can't decide!

Not that exciting but:
Be a good wife and mum
Get promoted
Get my poetry published
Have a nice Christmas with all the trimmings exactly how I like them
Also...
To separate church and state in Ireland! That's long term obviously

Dunno if I have a chance at being published but may as well keep going with it

I married young as well and did uni while having children. I’m clambering out of it all now (corporate job, have lost baby weight, geberally being more interesting and sociable) but it is very much baby steps.

Yeah my only serious goal is to live until my children will be ok to navigate life without me. At least their mid 20s! That's all I ask!

Acht I’m 43 and I still want to change the world! I’ll never learn.

How old are you? Age can make a difference as well. I'm 45 with two small children (one has SEN), perimenopausal and shattered. My goals recently have been keep on swimming 3 times a week, meditate, book a spa day with a friend I haven't seen for ages, attend some workshops around things I am interested in (mostly death and dying - Yeah I know) art class and getting plenty of sleep. Children have exhausted me, as has the education system, the nhs and generally dealing with SEN and mental health issues so I'm keeping things low key for a while.

Try to find one thing you are fascinated by and look into doing a one day course. Try some kind of exercise (I did swimming lessons and now really love it). Just do one thing and let it open the door to motivation. I know what it's like to lose yourself and it's important to bear in mind that you are also probably quite different after you have children, well at least I was so look at it as an adventure.

6 year plan:
Complete PhD (just started, part time)
Complete new novel (also just started)
Complete at least one, preferably 2, non-fiction books
Bit more travelling, hopefully Cuba
Learn to salsa (see above)
Plus the usual more time with friends and family, lose weight, get rich
I like to keep things loose!

To pet all the dogs
To get fit so I can run after all the dogs to pet them
To make enough money to own all the dogs
Dogs

Just to add that none of that, with the exception of Cuba, costs money

I don't have any. I don't think I've ever had any. Is that bad?

To get Ds1 through his GCSE's without killing him?

Problem is that I haven't just been stopped in my tracks; I never really got started in the first place

But you chose to stop -- marrying young and having children doesn't in itself, after the small baby stage, really stop anything. I say this not to criticise, but to say that you made a choice to replace whatever you were doing then with what you are doing now, because you found that appealing, and that now you can make a different choice again.

What field do you want to work in? Had you finished a degree before you had your children, or are you planning to start studying from scratch? And, on a much smaller scale, if there's enough time and money for your DH to have hobbies, then there's enough for you to have them too (assuming it's not something that is insanely expensive and time-consuming). You should have equal leisure time and to be able to pursue what you want in that time, within reason.

I am extremely ambitious, but as I get older having a high powered job is not as important as it once was. I am more ambitious for my children than myself.
I have a list of things that I am doing for myself

• continue with learning French-. I already speak Spanish
• Travel- I have been all over the world
• Exercise- I have started boxing
• Spend more time with my family . I make sure I spend time with my siblings and mother
• I read daily
• To say No when I don’t want to do something

Get work to pay for my training then find a better paid job

Current goal: survive 9 months maternity leave with baby (and 2 year old when not in nursery) without losing my mind.

Then:
Find our forever home next year
Get promoted to the next level at work
Raise two kind, inquisitive, interesting children and take them to see the world

Pay off my mortgage early
Be healthier
Become more patient (I'm a bit snappy lately)
Replenish our savings (doing the house up)
Lose some weight

I try & set myself small goals every year, eg learn a new skill & visit somewhere new.

I need to lose weight & get fit again.

Ok here we go (5 year plan)

-finish my second degree (3 years left, 1 down)
-qualify & get a decent job
-get married next year (I just want it so much to be perfect, we really put time, money & effort into it)
-lose 10 kg- this is by end of current year
-have a baby
-have a wonderful Christmas and relax. I just love the Christmas season

@Ifimnottheone
Hi did you ever get these feelings resolved? Did anything help you? I ask cos I think I'm going through similar feelings. I had my son quite young 23, and I've been a lone parent since he was 18 months. I lived on my own since 18, I worked 3 part time jobs to support myself through college where I did a childcare diploma. I then found a job in a nursery and hated it, I ended up usually working 2 jobs (always a pub in the evening) to make enough to pay rent and run a car. I had 1 holiday as an adult.
My boy is 12 now, and I've had a real identity crisis. I was happy enough plodding along before, being the best mum I could be, but now I'm not needed quite as much, I feel a little lost. How are you doing now? X