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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

UP and down NEIGHBOURS.

9 replies

Rflowerco · 16/10/2019 15:04

We moved into our house nearly two years ago. When we moved in I gave a couple of ‘new neighbour’ gifts to both sides, just knocked on and said hello we’re new.
One side to us have been lovely but very respectful of privacy. We take each other’s bins out, have a quick chat if coming out at same time but nothing much more.
Our kind of neighbour! Polite but considerate of privacy/time off etc.

Other side is very up and down. A similar age couple to us, when we ask how are you? They never really answer much further, which is fine. We never asked prying questions just the usual how are you, been up to much, 2 min chats. If they’ve been gardening in the front, cleaning car, coming down the street they always cut off the conversation. For this reason we’ve got a point where we just say hello to each other and that’s been fine too.

At weekend the wife from this couple knocked on with pieces of cake and said she had baked too many. She said we should catch up sometime and I said yes and she gave me her phone number. Thought I’d be open minded and took her up on the offer and said I’d be in touch.
Yesterday we walked past each other in the street and the whole don’t want to talk act came across again. Actually walking off whilst I was still talking, which I found odd. It’s not like I talk anyone’s ear off but if I ask how are you isn’t it kind to ask it back and not storm off?
Anyway I don’t know what to do now about this offer to catch up, especially as we’ve been here for a while now it’s a bit out of the blue and awkward.
She suggested going out together as couples, drinking or meal (when knocking on at weekend). I’m not sure if this is going to turn into a can of worms, they both come across as aloof and attention seeking when it suits but equally ignorant too.
Do I just suggest casual Christmas drinks locally to something?
We don’t want to it to turn into a pop round whenever thing because of how they have continually been in the past.
Equally I’m not keen on doing anything now I’ve just been pretty much blanked again.
Help!!!!! What’s the best way of going about it?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2019 15:22

I would be keeping them at a distance and there's no way I would socialise with them. The dynamic is just too bizarre. Be polite but keep interactions very brief. Good fences make good neighbours.

WarmSausageTea · 16/10/2019 15:33

Be polite but keep interactions very brief.

I think this is good advice. I wouldn’t try to arrange any get-togethers, but nobody needs hassle with their neighbours, so keep it cordial but nothing more.

Winteriscomingfast · 16/10/2019 15:45

You moved in and gave your neighbours gifts?

Bizarre. It is more usual for the person moving in to be given a small welcome gift by neighbours. Seems a bit like lady muck bestowing charity on the poor who are so lucky to live next door to you now. I would have treated you with caution.

Maybe they have seen that you are not odd and so want to make friends?

ElizaDee · 16/10/2019 15:52

Seems a bit like lady muck bestowing charity on the poor who are so lucky to live next gift by neighbours. I would have treated you with caution you now. I would have treated you with caution

What an odd attitude Confused

Rflowerco · 16/10/2019 15:55

Thanks for your replies AquaMarine and Warmsausage.

Winter - our first house we moved into both neighbours did this to us. And we never did it moving in first time ourselves. The other neighbour hasn’t had a problem with our charitable gift offer and in fact came round to say how thoughtful and nice it was giving us something sweet for our kids. We’ve been on great terms since. As we were with our old neighbours who gave us a little something when we were new living next door.

OP posts:
Bouffalant · 16/10/2019 15:55

Sometimes people are busy or have things going on.

You might just be bumping into them at times when they're in a rush to get to the next thing, or having a bad day/not in a chatting mood.

Rflowerco · 16/10/2019 15:57

Thanks bouffant, this did cross my mind and did wonder if I should give it some thought. I will see if it happens more often than not. Thanks for taking the time to reply :)

OP posts:
Rflowerco · 16/10/2019 16:04

Bouffalant*

OP posts:
victoriashleigh · 16/10/2019 18:48

Just want to add, we lived in our lovely apartment for years and a new couple moved in next door in December 2018. They didn’t introduce themselves and nor did we, in fairness. They drove us mad with noise and when we eventually complained the woman threatened us with a legal battle in a rather strongly worded two-sided A4 letter (she was a lawyer!) shoved under our door. Within 5 months we moved because of them.

When we moved we took little plants to all our new neighbours and said hello, introduced ourselves, apologised for any noise whilst we got settled and we have a great relationship with all of them now. Lady muck is such an odd thing to say! Hmm

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