People bailing at the last minute.

[mamamasala]

I'm not here to moan. I know people bail out of plans for good and bad reasons. I'm just amazed at how many people have bailed. I'm throwing a first birthday party on the weekend, but as tradition in our family first birthday parties are definitely more of an adult get together. People have been talking about how much they're looking forward to it, but randomly today so many people have bailed. I'm starting to get anxious that I'll look like a fool with nobody there, and I'm just waiting for more people to cancel. Is this normal? I haven't thrown a party in a long time and confidence is knocked.

This seems all too common now. People not replying then still turning up. People just not replying at all and others cancelling. There's another thread on here which is similar. It's very frustrating when you've taken the time to organise everything. Obviously there are exceptions if people are Ill or a family emergency.
I hope no-one else cancels on you and you have a lovely day. I miss kids parties (DD15), my party bags were definitely the best, not that I'm competitive !

Definitely more common now.
I held a 2nd birthday party for my son with bouncy castle and all the works.. I had so many drop outs in the week leading up to it I think we only had about 8 turn up in the end. But he didn't care luckily and had a great time.
It just cost an arm and a leg!.
I wish people wouldn't agree to things and then be flakey..

This is my biggest pet peeve, say no if you can't come. Don't make a crap excuse on the day. I appreciate some people have actual reasons to last minute cancel but the majority are just rude.

It's things like 'oh I've double booked' which makes you feel shit because the other thing was obviously more important. And the fact I had to text and ask and if I hadn't it's almost like they just wouldn't have let me know or would've bailed on the day.

First birthday parties are quite boring and people are pushed for time at the weekend. Just because you organise an event doesn't mean people have to come and I guess it seems ruder to say no at the time.

I've never been to a dull first birthday party :) most I've been to go on until way past the kids bed time!

I've never been to a dull first birthday party :) most I've been to go on until way past the kids bed time

So you know you like them, but you do know that many don't?

headinhands that's a horrid attitude. If you don't want to go to something then say no but don't let someone invite you to their home, buy food for you and then drop them at the last minute.

First birthdays are normally just an excuse for family and friends to have a catch up which is nice. We had a bbq for my niece in the summer and it was nice to see people for a couple of hours.

Have you got a relative such as your DM or someone OP who will have no fear in spreading around that you disappointed because of people's bad manners? So rude.

Have you got a relative such as your DM or someone OP who will have no fear in spreading around that you disappointed because of people's bad manners? So rude.

Yeah, shame people into attending something they don't want to. They're the sort of people I'm always keen to spend a Saturday with.

headinhands meh, your attitude is weird. I know some people don't like parties. Doesn't mean you bail at the last minute, when asked, looking like you had no intention of letting anyone know. I've bought food, it costs money. It sucks to tell someone you'll be there then bail because something better came up. But that's just me. I let someone know as soon as I know I can't come!

Genuine crises aside, I believe if you accept an invitation then you bloody well turn up. If you don’t want to go then turn the invitation down when you get it - white lies and diplomatic excuses are perfectly acceptable at this stage. Anyone crying off on the day without a genuine reason would not receive another invitation from me.

Oh, and to break one engagement to take up a more attractive one is behaviour of the lowest order.

I'm lying. I do know why.
People don't have the balls to say no to someone's face, but are happy to do it by text later on.
They call themselves 'people pleasers' rather than cowards though...even though they are ultimately not pleasing people!

This. I do think also though that some people are really pushy about invitations and won’t take no for an answer, which makes it more tempting to say yes initially then cancel

I do think also though that some people are really pushy about invitations and won’t take no for an answer, which makes it more tempting to say yes initially then cancel

Yes this phenomenon is strong in part of OH's large extended family. No-one is allowed to say no to anything, or there are passive-aggressive huffs, epic month-long tantrums on social media, telephone rows, people calling round unexpectedly for 'a word'. Then people drop out on the day with 'checking into hospital #madeupshit #mysteryillness' stuff. It's exhausting.

But the OP's case sounds like a casual rudeness thing. Maybe this has grown as the ability to communicate and cancel last minute via text/social media has grown. And/or people think they won't be missed because they are aware via social media or sm grapevine that lots of other people have been invited.

Yeah, shame people into attending something they don't want to

No, @headinhands, you have completely missed the point.
Shame people into giving an accurate response & sticking to it.
Don't want to attend? No problem, just say so.
Don't pretend to accept & then bail. That's a problem. Also rude & flaky.

You spectacularly missed my point. OP isn't bothered that people might not want to go - that's fine - just say 'oh no sorry we've got something on that day I'll send her present with soandso' or whatever even if you haven't. It's just incredible rude to say yes and then drop out the day before when the OP has bought food and drink for you.

I had a family of 6 drop out of my wedding the week before after they accepted - they used the excuse that it was their work do 😳 that day. I had paid for meals for all of them. They never even sent a card. Fucking rude.

If I had to drop out of a wedding, I'd feel obliged to 'cover my plate' at the very least.

I pulled out of a wedding on the day once (my best friend died suddenly) and I covered my plate. It was a week or so later and they refused to accept my money. Very understanding. Even under those circumstances I still had the decency to at least apologise and cover costs etc. It's a bit different as it was a wedding, but so many people just can't be arsed.

, I believe if you accept an invitation then you bloody well turn up. If you don’t want to go then turn the invitation down when you get it

^I agree