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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Petty argument AIBU

47 replies

Pettyargument · 16/10/2019 07:52

Sorry it’s long and petty. Am in NZ, this Saturday night is a big game in World Cup rugby. Game will start around 12:15am. DH says tonight his friend wants to come round to watch it and should we invite the whole family for dinner first. I said fine for dinner are they all coming (step family so sometimes they have 1 DS sometimes they have 3 DS) he says they’re all coming. Their youngest and my youngest are 12yo so I wanted him to ask if they all wanting to watch the rugby as it’s a really late night probably till 2am. He says isn’t it obvious that they’ll all want to watch. Not obvious in my opinion as I don’t care at all and my 12yo doesn’t either so we will both feel obligated to stay up. He asks his friend who basically says duh of course they’ll all want to watch. DH is then really annoyed at me for even caring if they were all staying for the rugby - why can’t I be more easy going, why does it even matter etc etc but I feel like we’ll all be obligated to stay up till 2am so it does matter right? Anyway we’ve had a big fight about it so AIBU and uptight or is it fair enough to want to know what the plan is?

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 16/10/2019 08:46

You are NOT obligated to stay up.

Are they likely to be noisy?

Original poster

Pettyargument · 16/10/2019 08:48

They’ll probably be noisy but I have good ear plugs (DH is a snorer)

OP posts:

OooErMissus · 16/10/2019 08:48

YABU.

Why are you making such a big drama out of it?

I'm in NZ. I'm a kiwi who isn't all that fussed about rugby. Married to an Irishman, who will without a shadow of a doubt be watching the game. There will almost certainly be other people here. There will be a barbecue.

I won't be staying up!

Just go with the flow. Stay up, go to bed.it really could not matter less. In fact, I strongly suspect they'd far rather you went to bed.

PrincessPain · 16/10/2019 08:51

Total non issue.
Go to bed whe going want to.
Its your DH, hes cooking, and he asked you before hand and you agreed.
Not sure what you're actually having an argument about as hes not asking you to stay up and you don't want to.

Bellringer · 16/10/2019 08:52

If other mum is not bothered either she can go home, unless you have room for her to stay too. Play it by ear. Go to bed if you want to

Butchyrestingface · 16/10/2019 08:53

Then there’s no problem. Leave them to it.

Original poster

Pettyargument · 16/10/2019 08:55

PrincessPain We’re arguing about the fact that I wanted to know if they were all going to be staying for the rugby, just his friend or all of them, the wife and all the kids - he thought it was obvious they would be but I didn’t and I wanted to know what I was in for

OP posts:

GabriellaMontez · 16/10/2019 09:14

I can't see how it's unreasonable for you to clarify who will be staying.

Sounds like a most normal conversation. Is he normally so touchy?

Ifonlyfor1day · 16/10/2019 09:18

He is uptight. You asked him a question, he could have answered what does it matter.
He went to investigate. I bet he felt uptight asking.
Definitely offer a bed if possible for the 12 yo. Go to bed when you fancy.

PrincessSarene · 16/10/2019 09:24

Totally not unreasonable to want to know what the plan is. So your DH is BU to have a go at you for asking.

But as others have said, you can let everyone know that you won’t be staying up for the match and then take yourself off to bed when it suits you. If you’ve got space, then providing somewhere for other people to sleep would be nice as well, but if not it’s their choice whether to come/stay for the whole match.

BoomyBooms · 16/10/2019 09:36

You can go to bed, everyone must know you don't care about the rugby. I'm sure you'll have given them a lovely evening beforehand and a nice breakfast the next day- if you get in extra match time snacks for them too, id say that's excellent hosting even if you are in bed for it!

Prepare yourself for it to be hard to sleep through though, they'll prob be v drunk by midnight, and loud!

If the other wife isn't too interested I'd be tempted to stay up for chats and drinks with her and just plan for a slow day the next day.

Original poster

Pettyargument · 16/10/2019 09:48

Yeah he just didn’t want to ask, probably thought it made him look uncool or something

OP posts:

CheeryB · 16/10/2019 09:49

I'd go to bed. But YANBU to want to know the overall plan. Your husband is unreasonable to think you are psychic.
.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 16/10/2019 09:55

He wants them to come he cooks, hosts, cleans up, you go to bed when you want with ear plugs

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/10/2019 09:55

If you want to go to bed, go to bed. Especially if you don't care about the rugby. Really not sure what the issue is here. Surely DH is capable of hosting whoever wants to stay up? YABU.

bridgetreilly · 16/10/2019 10:11

No one who doesn't want to watch the game has to stay up. Those that are watching are watching, they don't need other people around to 'entertain' them. Just relax about it.

midnightmisssuki · 16/10/2019 10:13

What?! Just go to bed when you want! It’s really not a big deal.

Ponoka7 · 16/10/2019 10:18

I think you've made a mountain out of a molehill.

Unless them all staying to watch would mean that you're buying in snacks and alcohol etc that would go to waste (but with Christmas coming up that's hardly likely).

You've got the weather to have these BBQs, so just go with the flow.

If you were in the UK, putting on a roast, in the rain, i could understand it.

iknowimallmine · 16/10/2019 10:55

Your husband will be with them. You both don't need to stay up and and can go to bed early if you want to.

Cherrysoup · 16/10/2019 11:00

I'd say kids can stay home, adults go to pub to watch game rather than impact on you and your dc til 2am!

AmIThough · 17/10/2019 04:49

@Cherrysoup even better. OP gets to babysit someone else's child who wants to watch the match...

OooErMissus · 17/10/2019 06:36

Of course he's not going to specifically ask - are you staying for the rugby?

Surely it's implied that they will likely stay for the rugby. That's the whole motivation for the invitation, after all!

But given the unusually late hour of the game, food and alcohol taken, they will all probably play it by ear on the night. Hence - no point asking if they're staying for 100% sure, since no-one really knows.

I really think you're making an absolute meal out of this.

It's one night. You don't have to stay up.

Leave them all to it.

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