DSS wants us all to get along?

[TooslowTooquick]

DSS 13, has never known his parents together. DH and I have a difficult relationship with DSS's mum. Abusive towards us, false claims of bullying etc. When DSS was younger, we all tried to do family things together Christmas, birthday dinners. But the abuse got too much and I withdrew from contact with DSS's mum. Always civil, but generally avoided her. Never nasty or malicious back. We had a tough 12 month period when DSS withdrew from us. But seemed out the other side for the past 8. Now DSS is withdrawing again, siting one of the reasons that he is angry we don't get along better like a proper family.
AIBU to think that DSS needs to accept that we've tried hard, but just can't make it work that the blame isn't always at DH and my door. But maybe with his mother? Or do I need to try to make the relationship work for his sake.
(DH thinks we need to find a way to get along better, but isn't sure what that looks like)

If the dog needs walking it needs walking, that would be a perfectly usual conversation in our house.
However we don't have strained relationships.
Does your DP spend 1:1 focused time with ds that your ds is aware of? Maybe try and increase this.

Perfectly valid conversation re dog walk.
He seems to have an odd relay with his mum, not sure if symbiotic is the right word.

Would he benefit from some counselling?

You can't make him come on holiday, you invited, explained etc. He's old enough to have a decision.

13 years, right? Not 13 months! His mum os clearly emotionally needy and trying to keep him as her baby, all to herself and it's clearly working. How many 13 year olds need picking up from school at all?

Your DH needs to be more organised about his relationship with his son by arranging specific times wheb they spend time doing something together away from screens that involves communication. And he needs to give him 100% attention when he's with him, if he's going to change his perception of parenting.