What would you do? Job/ life/ baby

[LemonsLemonsLemonsLemons]

Stick or twist? Any opinions welcome. I’m feeling pretty lost. I’m 29, and have a ‘good’ job. I teach at an independent prep school, I walk to work, get #werkperks like free lunch, gym etc. I’m currently earning more than I probably could in another career given my degree and general inclinations - never wanted a corporate job really. (My salary will flatline in a couple of years though, as I don’t want to be a school leader).

And yet...I’m really, really miserable at work. I love the children I teach, but I really don’t like my colleagues and don’t feel like I fit in. I think they’re mean and narrow minded. I take lots of comments personally to the extent I feel I have no resilience left, and one comment can make me feel tearful for the rest of the day. I try to go to work social events and leave feeling hollow and lonely. Everyone irritates me. I feel on edge in the staff room, and any attempt at chit chat always leaves me feeling paranoid about what I’ve said. I don’t have this problem in my personal life at all, and haven’t felt like this in other jobs.

My dilemma: I really want to have a baby with my DP sooner rather than later. The school I’m at has a good maternity package, and I’d be able to go back part time.

But I hate it there. I hate my colleagues. I hate feeling shit and demeaned constantly. I never thought I’d stay in teaching this long. Do I cut my losses and leave at the end of the year, and then try to make it in another career? But then only have a couple of years before TTC? And then what? Go back to that fledgling career with a tiny baby and not really ever give it my all?

Or: stay where I am, TTC within the next year or so, and go on mat leave etc and then return to a comfortable but miserable job? And then probably never be able to change career?

I feel like time’s running out. I’m so unhappy at work despite how it seems like a good place on the surface. I hate having no allies amongst my colleagues. I hate feeling so tired all the time. I do love the children, but the relentlessness of teaching is grinding me down and I really don’t see myself doing it forever.

AIBU to ask: what would you do? I am desperate. Thank you.

Sounds like your options are:

1. Stay in current job. Have baby and come back part time.
2. Find another teaching job but hopefully with better colleagues.
3. Retrain in a new career.

From your post it doesn't sound like you have strong ideas about what #3 would be, so I don't think I would go for that at this point. I have had two maternity leaves and changed job after the first, and have felt like I need a change after the second. So I would say that mat leave does give you a new perspective on things and can potentially shake it up a bit.

On the other hand, if being part time is really important to you, then that may affect your ability to get a new job or retrain. I was lucky to negotiate 4 days per week on my new job after mat leave #1. However, after mat leave #2 I now feel very trapped as all jobs at the next level up are advertised as full time and I don't want to do those hours at the moment.

Have the baby, you will probably find you give less of a crap about the job post-baby and it will be a means to an end.

If you hate your job then you need to tackle that first. You need to be happy, even if it means taking a pay cut. TTC is stressful enough without the extra stress of an unhappy job. Have you thought of doing Open University degree to perhaps take your skills to a different level?

Thank you, everyone. It’s really helpful to hear different perspectives. I think it’s more the fear of knowing I want a baby, but worrying about career doors closing if I ever want to leave teaching.

Thanks for all of the colleagues advice. This has been so helpful.

Teacher here too 🙋🏻‍♀️ I desperately need to change schools, but we have decided it’s best for our family to wait it out at the current place and grow our family (I’ve worked there long enough for full perks and the school day is 8.45-3, and I’m not really out to impress as I’ve been there for a good while now

Once we are done having children I will look to move, but we want a small age gap and possibly up to 3 children 😊

If you’re secure stay where you are and take the package