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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthday dinner - AIBU

50 replies

ivygem · 15/10/2019 18:20

my DD has the same name as a local restaurant - she is young (single figures) thinks it’s GREAT it has ‘her name’ and we went when it first opened and she had a ball. It has all sorts of paraphernalia associated with her name and in general is a really nice place but it’s pricey. Her birthday soon and when I asked her what she wanted to do she wanted to go to said restaurant with all her friends. They are too young and I obviously said no due to that and the ridiculous cost but said we could go with family on her actual birthday instead and she can have a separate party with friends on the sat. Great. My DM immediately said no for her and my dad - she had form for this - saying she doesn’t like anything on the menu and it’s too expensive. So I booked it just for us (DD DH me) and my sister who said she could come. My DM changed her mind the other day as she realised she wouldn’t really see DD around her birthday (kids party etc) and asked if I could add her to the booking. It’s completely fully booked and they have said no. My sister thinks AIBU and should change to another restaurant. I disagree. AIBU?

OP posts:

leghairdontcare · 15/10/2019 19:52

My sister thinks AIBU and should change to another restaurant.

What, to the other restaurant with the same name as your daughter?

This has annoyed me on two levels as I dislike:

people who can't cope with the consequences of their own actions. Your mother declined the invite and as a consequence she doesnt get to go.
Adults who can't let things go to make a small child happy (and on their birthday ffs!)

Do not change the booking.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 15/10/2019 19:55

Stick to your original booking. She was given the option to join you and chose not to. Don’t disappoint your daughter on her birthday

This. She should have said she was coming in the first place, it's entirely her own fault.
What would be the point of changing to somewhere else?! The whole point is that it is at this restaurant!
YANBU at all.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 15/10/2019 19:57

So your mum will magically eat something from the menu now? 🙄

YANBU to refuse to change your plans.

Disfordarkchocolate · 15/10/2019 20:00

Don't change your plans.

100PercentThatBitch · 15/10/2019 20:01

Definitely not unreasonable and it's a bit pathetic of your sister to say any other restaurant will do when this is DDs "special place" is she supposed to be mature enough to go along with that without a fuss when her own grandmother clearly isn't ?

phoenixrosehere · 15/10/2019 20:05

Yanbu.

DM should have said yes when first asked instead of complaining about it. Your sister should keep her nose out of it or give up her seat for dm.

I have often gone places I wasn’t keen on for different events but would never complain about it and have always found something on the menu I can eat. Being invited is an honour within itself especially for a birthday.

Leeds2 · 15/10/2019 20:06

I certainly wouldn't change the booking. DM had her chance, and said no.

But I would look to inviting her and DF to your house for a birthday tea, as close to DD's birthday as you can do. Or invite them to the party. Either way, they will see DD around the time of her birthday.

Bucatini · 15/10/2019 20:06

Tell your DM that you have asked to change the booking from 4 to 6 people, and that if the restaurant phone and say they can fit you in after all you will gladly include them. However if not, unfortunately you can't change the venue as this is DD's choice.

NearlyGranny · 15/10/2019 20:07

No. YANBU. The birthday girl's treat is the restaurant with her name, where she will feel like a mini celeb and they're sure to fuss over her. Dinner anywhere else would be pointless.

DM had her invitation and declined as was her right. Now she's changed her mind, too late, and want to upset her DGD's treat? No, no, no.

What would your DD learn if you did that - that Granny's whim is more important than her birthday? That parents break promises with impunity and children can do nothing about it?

I agree with the PP who says if your DS is so exercised about DM missing out, she can offer her place. If she won't, she has to pipe down. And whoever does come with you cannot sit with a face like thunder souring the atmosphere, either.

Since when is a child's birthday celebration about them, not the child?

You just need a loop saying, "This is not about you!"

Mephisto · 15/10/2019 20:08

YANBU. I find it strange they can’t add another chair to your table. Unless your Dad works come too?

Original poster

ivygem · 15/10/2019 20:09

Thanks everyone - going to stick to my guns with this one. Unfortunately it will be brought up on repeat about how we didn’t change the venue...sigh

OP posts:

Elieza · 15/10/2019 20:11

“Sorry DM the restaurant is fully booked now and said they couldnt add on even one single person. But I’ll phone again nearer the time for cancellations.

I would change the venue so you could come but DC has been looking forward to this for months because it’s her name. So we have to stick with it. I said it was her special birthday treat and can’t pull out now.

When can you come over for birthday cake instead? Even if it’s the next weekend I’m sure DD will be happy to have her birthday celebrations extended to a whole week, so whenever suits. I can get her another little birthday cake ‘from you’ to make the visit special”.

dontdoitop · 15/10/2019 20:14

YABU for calling your DD bella Italia. But no, don't change the booking, she had her chance. The only way I'd do it is if the restaurant had another time that day/week that was suitable for you all

justthecat · 15/10/2019 20:14

No keep the booking, it’s your daughters day

PrincessSarene · 15/10/2019 20:14

Unfortunately it will be brought up on repeat about how we didn’t change the venue...sigh

And every time you simply point out they should have accepted the invitation to join you, yes?

QuiteTiredNeedSleep · 15/10/2019 20:14

Good for you sticking to it! Your mum will soon learn!

100PercentThatBitch · 15/10/2019 20:15

And if it is brought up on repeat

"Oh but you wouldn't change the venue"

"You always want your own way don't you? Even at the expense of a child"

See how quickly she drops it if that's what you say EVERY time no matter who is listening

SunshineAngel · 15/10/2019 20:23

Nope, you're fine. Your DD wants to go there on her birthday, and your mum will just have to visit either before or after. Her own fault for saying no in the first place.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 15/10/2019 20:27

Glad you’re sticking to your guns! Your sister sounds just as bad for thinking that a child should sacrifice her birthday treat to appease the tantrum of a fully grown woman.

Wonkybanana · 15/10/2019 20:41

From a previous PP's suggested reply I would change the venue so you could come but DC has been looking forward to this for months because it’s her name. So we have to stick with it.

No, no, no, no. This basically blames your DD for being awkward enough to want her birthday at that restaurant, when you of course would have been happy to accommodate DM.

Your DM had her chance. You know the Aldi Special Buy slogan, when it's gone, it's gone? Well for your DM, it's gone.

mankyfourthtoe · 15/10/2019 20:44

Ask Dm to find another restaurant with the same name and you'll book it there...

Sushiroller · 15/10/2019 20:54

Thanks everyone - going to stick to my guns with this one. Unfortunately it will be brought up on repeat about how we didn’t change the venue...sigh

And EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. You say "yes its a shame but it's your own fault you missed it as you were invited and declined"

mankyfourthtoe · 15/10/2019 21:10

"Yes mum next time, say yes when you're asked"

WhiskeyLullaby · 15/10/2019 21:12

Your mum needs to learn to say what she means and stick to it. The plan was clear, she didn't like it. Then she wanted to come but it's booked up. Changing the venue for a grownup that apparently doesn't know their own mind would be silly.

It's your DD's birthday. Your mum can book a cheap,"eat everything off the menu" for her own birthday.

blackteasplease · 15/10/2019 23:44

Everything PPs have said plus also, if you change it now your Mum gets what she wanted in he first place - to go to another restaurant. Her original objection was due didn't want to go to this particular place.

I'm so pleased you are sticking to your guns.

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