To think I'll be single for a long time?

[UnovaIt]

NC for this, but longtime poster. Cancel the cheque etc.

I'm a single mum of two wonderful girls, 8 and 2. I don't want to get into why I'm single or my relationship history really, but I've been single for 9 years, since getting pregnant with my first.

I've tried dating twice during that time, and both times had experiences that weren't that great and made me feel wary about trusting new men who I met, or forming new relationships.

I now feel like I've resigned myself to being single forever, partly because of my own circumstances but mostly because of my own feelings about dating and men -- basically, I just don't trust them. I don't trust my own judgement, from experience I feel I can't trust that the men I meet, and I don't want to expose my daughters to it.

AIBU to think that this combination of things (see below) is going to keep me single until the girls leave home?

• I don't have any time without the girls, so I can only ever go out for evenings if I get a babysitter -- ie they don't go to stay with their father, I have them all the time.
• I don't think I'm a great catch. I've put on a lot of weight and I have sole responsibility for two children -- my eldest also has ASD and isnt an 'easy' child.
• I don't want them to meet new partners who might not, for whatever reason, stick around.
• Lots of men are a bit shit, and I'm scared of being a poor judge of character and bringing them into our lives by mistake.
• I'm very protective of the girls and conscious of the possibility of them being abused.

Am I being ridiculous or paranoid? (I'm honestly open to being told if I am. It might just be that my experiences have made me overly cautious when it's not necessary).

Is there some solution here that I haven't thought of?

Not sure op I feel exactly the same.

I think what you've said sounds understandable. It doesn't sound like the right time for you to be dating but things change and you wont be in this situation forever.

What formerbabe says

Thank you. I will try to remember that. I do find life quite lonely now. We have quite a full life and family and friends but the evenings are awfully quiet and I find it hard.

Same situation here, 4 children ex doesn’t see them so with them 24/7 feels sad knowing I won’t ever meet anyone. Well maybe in 15 years time !!

If it makes any difference I think you sound like an amazing mum wanting to protect your girls like that.

"I dont think im a great catch" - this is why you're single.

I feel for you. I am in a different but similar situation. Lonely, can’t go out without paying for childcare. Can’t imagine meeting someone who would be interested in me. It is tough but I am focusing on my DD and just telling myself that one day I will have a whole second wind and live my life for me again. I will have some more freedom again and I will spend time and money on making myself feel and look good for my age. And I will date men for fun (hopefully) without worrying about them being a potential father figure for my DD. Basically my 50s are going to be completely fabulous! I love being a Mum now and I like putting my DD first, but when she doesn’t need me a much, it will be time for a complete fresh start! That is how I manage the situation in my mind. It is like looking forward to the future whilst enjoying the present.

It's not really the MAIN reason, though, @CAG12! Even if I was bursting with confidence about how amazing a catch I was, I still can't see my way round the stuff with the children.

@Mummadeeze that really resonates, I will try to think of it that way!

Men are overrated.
Embrace being single and remain focussed on your girls.
As you are concerned with how you look, address it. Lose weight, make an effort with your appearance (if you don't already!)
How about doing some courses or starting hobbies to shift the focus from relationships (providing you have the time and evergy)?

*energy