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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teacher and Family situation

23 replies

barcelonaviews · 15/10/2019 16:58

Hi all,

I’m starting up my first teaching post after half term (so on Monday) as I was supposed to start at the beginning of September but because of a medical emergency, we’ve had to postpone it until around now.

My little sister (well technically my half sister but I consider her my sister just as much as I consider my full siblings my siblings) is in Y10 at the school I’ll be working at.

Of course the school know of our relationship and they know that I know her friends (potential pupils of mine) but what I’ve suddenly just realised is that I have many of them on my Instagram and one or two of her best friends on Snapchat. I suppose that I’ve always been X’s big sister to them and they have all of each other’s siblings on social media.

Now what I’m wondering (okay, more like panicking ) is do I need to remove them? I would think I do, especially from Snapchat. My Instagram and Snapchat’s are private so even if other students found me through them, they wouldn’t be able to see my photos or anything, not that anything I post is particularly interesting and I would be happy for anyone to see it.

I also have some of their phone numbers too and of course have my sister on all social media’s etc.

I am also in a family friends large group chat with my sister, our brother, some of my sisters friends who’s siblings are friends with me and our brother plus all our parents.

Do I need to remove them all from social media, leave the family friends group chat, delete numbers? This is all new territory for me! Do you think it would be okay to keep some of their numbers as I know when I was in school, some of my friends parents were teachers and had their kids friends numbers for emergencies.

Or should I just ask my school? I don’t want to come across as an idiot though if the answers painstakingly obvious.

OP posts:

Missingsandraohingreys · 15/10/2019 16:59

Remove them all immediately. No school
Would allow this so just Err on the side of caution and sense !!

PurpleFrames · 15/10/2019 17:01

You need to remove them from all social media, delete numbers etc. This would be a massive issue if safeguarding found our probs a gross misconduct issue.

Greyponcho · 15/10/2019 17:02

You’ve got to keep it professional I’m afraid!

Original poster

barcelonaviews · 15/10/2019 17:02

@Missingsandraohingreys

Yes I thought that would be best. But would I need to leave the family sort of chat too. I would understand but it would be quite sad as I’m friendly with their parents and stuff, some of them are my God Parents

Oh well.

Also, would it be an issue for my sister to be on my social media? As her classmates could find me looking at her likes, followers and comments. Or if she posts photos of us?

OP posts:

FairyBatman · 15/10/2019 17:06

It probably wouldn’t be an issue but you may need to restrict your privacy settings to friends only rather than friends of friends being able to see things.

FairyBatman · 15/10/2019 17:06

For you’re sister I mean not her mates.

BeanBag7 · 15/10/2019 17:08

Remove them but tell them why. If you are family friends with their parents etc. I'm sure they will understand, and you could add them again in 18 months time when they have left the school.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 15/10/2019 17:10

Check the code of conduct but you will almost certainly have to remove any students from your friends lists on social media.

You can probably remain in the family group chat but you could ask your family not to put you in a difficult position by discussing school matters on it.

You then need to sit down with your sister and talk her through the responsibilities that you will both now have once you start working at her school. She can’t post pictures of you to her social media without your specific permission and it would be wise to check if there’s anything already on there that you want taking down.

BeanBag7 · 15/10/2019 17:10

If you have a family WhatsApp you could keep that because you would still be able to see the messages even if you dont have their numbers saved, but all messages are being seen by their parents so not the same as a private chat.

Original poster

barcelonaviews · 15/10/2019 17:14

@EstebanTheMagnificent

Yeah I agree; what else would need to be said to her apart from the photos aspect? Should I just tell her to not post me on her snapchat or anything as anyone from school could see and screenshot? What other boundaries would there need to be in place as she tends to act irrationally and irresponsibly sometimes so I do need to be very clear with her.

OP posts:

elanna · 15/10/2019 17:15

Your sister is fine but you need to unfriend/delete numbers of the others. Group chat too I'm afraid if students other than your sister are in it. I taught at a school where a couple of the girls were my friend's daughters who I regularly baby sat and the younger brother of my best friend. I still had to delete them from social media. Its just safer. When they left the school for uni and friend requested me I accepted.

CampingItUp · 15/10/2019 17:35

Remove each and every pupil from all your social media, and delete all their numbers.
Remove yourself from all group chats that include pupils.
Restrict your settings to Friends only. Not friends of friends.
This is basic for working in a school.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 15/10/2019 17:47

@barcelonaviews:

She needs to understand that she cannot post or be tagged in anything on her social media which you would be obliged to report to the school if you saw it.

So that includes:

posts moaning or bitching about your colleagues or the school
Any kind of cyber-bullying
Pictures or videos of students clearly breaking rules, eg filmed in a cover lesson, smoking / vaping / bunking on site or in uniform

If she can’t promise you that she won’t put you in this position (and I know that no student should be doing any of the above, but back in the real world...) then it is probably for the best if you place each other on very limited profile settings or unfriend each other entirely for now.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 15/10/2019 17:49

Also pictures from parties which clearly show underage drinking / drugs etc.

IggyAce · 15/10/2019 17:58

Remove them all. A few of my teacher friends even change letters in their name or go by first name and initials for surname, just to make them harder to find.

SarahMused · 15/10/2019 18:10

Your school will have a policy that covers this sort of thing. Ask to see it and ask for advice. A lot of teachers don’t use their full name on their social media pages so that students can’t search for them so changing that would be a start. Lock down your pages on the highest privacy settings and never post anything about your school or anything that might bring you into disrepute. Even pictures of you out drinking or saying how much you are looking forward to the end of term are unwise.
Several of my friends have been disciplined for things posted on fb. It’s just not worth it.

SansaSnark · 15/10/2019 18:11

I'm surprised this wasn't covered in your PGCE.

School kids will search for you on instagram and facebook- you need to have your profile locked down and many teachers change their name to something like first name-middle name so they are a bit harder to find. Teachers in the past have lost their jobs over things posted to social media that pupils have then found.

You need to keep very firm boundaries with any of your sister's friends- if they come to talk to you, keep the classroom door open and avoid physical contact. You need to protect yourself just in case.

You should let the school know about any existing relationships- e.g. so and so's parents are my godparents. Again, this will help you protect yourself.

I would ask your sister not to tag you in anything until she has left the school. Equally, if you see anything on her social media that would be a safeguarding concern you would be legally obliged to flag it up with the school. This would include (but not be limited to) underage drinking/sex and drug use. It might be easier to limit your settings so you can't see what your sister is tagged in etc.

Definitely do not let her post anything about you on social media.

I can guess this is going to sound extreme to you, but this will honestly be the expectation and if you don't do this, you open yourself up to all kinds of potential problem scenarios.

Personally, I wouldn't want to work in a school where I had these kinds of links to pupils!

Blubluboo · 15/10/2019 18:25

I would remove the other pupils from your facebook but I wouldn't remove myself from a group chat. You have grown up with them, it is entirely different to creating a group chat once you've started at the school.

HiJenny35 · 15/10/2019 19:01

I've been a teacher in the school my sister was at. I'm not going to lie it's very difficult. You need to exit all group chats, go off her Facebook as well as any friends, emails, mobile numbers the works gone. Its not fair that a friend of hers could tag her (or themselves) in a photo at a party and they would be reported to school, they need some level of privacy too, so it's as much for them as it is you. It's also very difficult to tell off people who have previously not had to do what you say and familiarity and jokes previously allowed are no longer.

PurpleFrames · 15/10/2019 19:42

"you could add them again in 18 months time when they have left the school."

This is actually wrong- most schools will not allow you to have interactions with pupils for 2yrs+ after they have left the school. Even longer for intimate relationships (which do happen!)

SansaSnark · 15/10/2019 20:06

The group chat thing is as much for the children as for the OP - it's all about keeping clear boundaries and privacy on both sides.

If you stay on a group chat then see something that would need reporting as a safeguarding risk, that could make your relationship with the student quite difficult going forward.

SunglassQueen · 15/10/2019 20:25

Keep yourself safe, delete all of them and come off group chats

WheresTheEvidence · 15/10/2019 20:25

You sound very much like another young teacher who works with her year10 sister in the same school and for some reason hangs around with 15 year old school girls getting irate at other teachers who discuss them in the staff room

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