To think this is a horrible way to treat injured young child (preschool lead).

[RoseLillian]

I dropped oldest Dd (3 and half) at nursery this morning. Child came in from garden injured. ?Another child has hit her finger with a broom? I think that was what was said. She was visibly very distressed. She was holding out her finger, tears running down her face and making little whimpering noises. My initial instinct was concern for her. Head of preschool first thing she said ‘Well we don’t need to hear that noise’. I was shocked. How horrible to be hurt and distressed and the person who is supposed to be looking after you talking to you like that.

Maybe she has form for making injuries up?

Either way, your head of preschool has a cold, dead heart. She should run for political office.

That's disgusting. Do you know the girls parents? If you do, I'd be informing them.
I'd also be reporting the incident to the manager and possibly Ofsted depending on the managers reaction.
How awful for little one to be hurt and spoken to like that, poor thing!

I don’t know the girls parents. Dd knows the girl fairly well as only a few months older, hence they have generally been in the same room together within the nursery. Not one of DD’s close friends though. I believe most of the girls close friends have gone off to school, so was already feeling a bit sorry for her. As far as I am aware she hasn’t got history for making up injuries and this clearly wasn’t made up. No 3 or 4 year old is that good an actor. I know this child can be naughty, but that shouldn’t effect the way she is treated when injured.

I will consider talking to the manager. To be honest I have considered talking to the manager before about her. I worry that the head of preschool is the type to take it out on my Dd though which is why I have held off before over different issues.

What were the other things you were considering speaking to the management about? If there’s a clear pattern of nasty behaviour from this person, I wouldn’t be happy leaving my child in her care.

I worry that the head of preschool is the type to take it out on my Dd though which is why I have held off before over different issues.

I’d take my child out right away. You cannot leave her in the care of someone whom you don’t trust.

Are you perfectly positive it wasn't a method to get the child to calm down enough to deal with checking the injury/finding out what happened?

Sometimes I find the more I show sympathy for minor injuries, the worse (and more drawn out) the child's reaction is to it. I wouldn't take this one off incident as an indication of a carer's methods. I imagine they have multiple episodes like this every day, and would deal appropriately with an injury requiring more attention.

It has the effect of helping determine how serious the injury/illness is - if they can stop wailing, it's generally not that bad - which gives you time to check out and deal with any injury without getting a headache and if they are still shrieking, despite somebody not showing shock, horror and dismay, there's a good chance that there is something that needs greater examination. (And if they're very, very quiet - too quiet - that gives you a clue that it could be something serious).

Dealing with a lot of children, you get to know the ones who scream blue murder for a broken fingernail and those who barely whimper for a broken finger - sometimes, it's more the shock of something hurting briefly, sometimes (haven't you seen the kid who falls over, is absolutely fine and then they see their Mum's reaction or a speck of blood and start howling?) it's the reaction of the people around them that determines how they act.

The last thing any child needs (or adult, for that matter) is for the person looking after them to be visibly horrified - calm, authoritative and not alarmed is far more reassuring. Just think, what do you think would make somebody with a nasty cut calmer 'Oh, dear, what happened? Lets get you sorted out' or 'OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, YOU POOR THING, THAT'S AWFUL, QUICK CALL AN AMBULANCE!!! CALL MUMMY!!!'

The woman in question told the child ‘we don’t need to hear that noise’. She didn’t offer comforting words. To a 3 year old.

YANBU at all. I’ve worked with pre school aged children. Yes, some children do cry at every little thing but you can acknowledge it without being harsh. “Come on now Jane, let me see that your fingers, oh you’re ok. Let’s go and find mummy and show her the painting you did today.” You can be fair but firm and distract them without being unkind.

I understand those saying too much comfort can make a child cry more. Surely the same can be said for telling a child off for crying, which is what the head of preschool did.

After preschool I asked my Dd what the preschool head says to her if she goes to her crying because she’s hurt herself (trying not to be leading). Her response ‘don’t cry you’re not a baby’. Out of interest I asked what one of the other lady’s would say, her response ‘you silly sausage, what have you done’. Surely the second is the better response.

The reason I have thought about speaking to the manager before was initially when Dd started in preschool she would get upset and not want to go in if she knew she was doing an activity with preschool head. I also generally didn’t feel she was getting the support she needed with the transition from toddlers to preschool. It was more at this stage thinking of ways to make things better for Dd. I held off as had no real grounds for why Dd didn’t like this lady. Since a few times when I was doing pick up, I would be waiting for feedback and everyone else would be busy and she would act as if I wasn’t there. I honestly think she thinks she is too important to be giving parents feedback. The biggest thing was more recently though. Dd loves a certain children’s literacy character. I managed to get her a tshirt with this character on. She was very excited to wear it to preschool. She came back home upset saying that preschool head has told her she didn’t like her tshirt. I told Dd it didn’t matter if she didn’t like it, as long as she liked it that was all that mattered. I was a bit , what kind of adult tells a 3 year old child they don’t like their tshirt. I think part of me convinced myself Dd must have somehow got the wrong end of the stick, because it is beyond bizarre.

I have also thought about moving to a different nursery, but she is now otherwise very settled and has some very close friends who she has been with since she started in babies. Youngest Dd (18 months) is also in the nursery in the baby room, which is in contrast fantastic and a lovely happy environment. We are also trying to move house (very slow market where we live currently) to move to a different area and they will have to change then, so don’t want to keep disrupting them.

Saying don’t cry you’re not a baby is really not ok. I’d take my child out and complain. If she’s the head who is her boss? Are there governors or Ofsted you can complain to?

I would not be happy abut it but if child is settled for me it is not enough to move the child. I have yes to meant the perfect child care practitioner or setting.

She is the head of preschool. There is the manager of the nursery above her. The manager seems very nice, friendly and approachable. My main reason for holding back is I don’t want the head of preschool taking my complaint out on Dd. I will definitely consider complaining though. DH’s response is that we need to sell the house quickly and then it will no longer be a problem. If only it were that easy!