Does it annoy you when someone who doesn't drive frequently asks for lifts?

[coffeeforone]

Aside from medical reasons (including vehophobia), would you judge someone who doesn't drive themselves but often asks for lifts for themselves and their children?

Person in question is a friend and neighbour. Her DH works abroad and there is an unused car sitting on her driveway. Three times in the past fortnight she has asked if me or my DH could drive her somewhere:

1. Hospital - running late for a non-urgent appointment so no time to get bus
2. DS's little kickers session on Saturday (my DS goes too so fine) - this one happens whenever her DH is not around on a Saturday
3. To the local train station in the morning as it was raining

Another person is my aunt, who doesn't drive by constantly asks my parents for lifts to supermarkets, town centres, appointments.

AIBU that this is cheeky. If you don't want to learn to drive, fine - but you should get public transport instead of relying on drivers (emergencies aside), if you are asking for lifts but can't ever return the favour.

Where do Mumsnetters find these people?

It's not being a CF at all. If the other person doesn't want to do it they can say no.

That's exactly how CFs get away with it. Of course, you're at liberty to say no, but many people feel awkward doing so, especially when the sob story is wheeled out.

CFs adopt the double-pronged approach in so many scenarios:

1. Ask repeatedly for favours, knowing that you'll feel awkward turning them down, especially when they regale you with all of their woes and how great a friend you are and they knew you wouldn't leave them stranded;
2. Then, because you said yes, rationalise it that you could easily have said no, but because you didn't say no, that means it's absolutely no trouble whatsoever for you and, if anything, you'd simply love additional opportunities to help them out even more.

Out of the 3 times she asked for a lift in the past couple of weeks how many times did you say No? I would assume you'd say no to the first and third - second isn't too bad seeing as you are going anyway. However, does she also go to the football with you or does she just see you as a substitute parent while she's off doing her own thing? For instance if her child gets hurt would you have to tend to him or would the coach call her? And if the coach called her would she bother to get into her own car and drive to deal with her injured child?

Re the people asking for lifts, it's an easy one. If you don't mind, say "Yes, no worries, hop in!" If you do mind you say "Ah sorry, I can't today". You don't need to explain any further.

The number of people who can't or won't drive on MN seems way higher than IRL though.

I honestly don't think I know anyone over 25 or under 75 who can't drive. I know people who have a licence but can't afford to run a car, that's different, but no fully grown adult who actually can't drive.

At the younger end, lessons, cars and insurance are expensive, so that's understandable. At the older end, failing eyesight, reflexes, health and old age make driving difficult, stressful and frankly unsafe for some, especially in large cities (my DF for one).

For everyone else, driving's a life skill, like being able to swim, ride a bike, read and write. Sure, you CAN get by without, but it's a lot more difficult and restrictive if you can't - for commuting, just to even get many jobs, days out, holidays, shopping, to drop off and pick up kids/parents/friends etc...I don't know how people manage.

Public transport will get you so far, depending on where you live, but try getting a flat-pack chest of drawers home from IKEA home on the bus!!

@BrokenWing has it spot on.

We don't mind giving people lifts to and from places if we are going there ourselves anyway. We will happily give DB lifts to, say, hospital appointments because his licence has been withdrawn due to health issues.

Years ago someone who worked at the same company as my DH moved near us and wanted lifts to and from work. After a few my DH refused any more as he preferred to listen to music in the car and not have colleage wittering on. He didn't mind giving him a lift home if they left the building at the same time but wasn't going to leave early or waIt around for him.

People don't tend not to ask though - we know their circumstances and offer.