If my ex partner pays child maintenance does it mean that he never has to buy anything for our child?

[childmaintenance]

Just a question really...

I receive child maintenance for our DC. I have DC full time. My ex sees our DC when he can but because of work it's quite sporadic. Our split is amicable.

On the occasions he does have our DC they often go shopping for him. I sometimes ask... can you pick DC a new book / crayons / socks if you pass any or DC is really into building at the moment you could pick up some more Lego if you want etc. He generally doesn't object. Sometimes he comes back with items sometimes he doesn't. And what I ask for is generally low value and I don't mind if he doesn't get them.

DC stays with me not dad so all possessions live at our house.

I wonder whether I AIBU asking this? I buy all of DCs essentials (clothes, toys, wrap around school care) and beyond ... swimming, dance and music lessons with no additional contribution.

I get the feeling that if you are receiving child maintenance your ex is absolved of buying anything for DC? Am I right?

Don't know any other single parents so would be gratefully for everyone's thoughts.

I would say you got the good end of the deal - you got the kids

SpinneyHill

What a low opinion you have of men.

And people - parents - do HAVE to buy things for a child or they’d go without the essentials.

If a parent objected to buying little bits such as colouring books I’d be shocked.
Child maintenance is there to help toward covering the basics to live and not anything really towards basic enrichment items such as crayons etc.

YANBU.

@Vulpine without a doubt. I am so lucky to have DC.

I realise in posting this.. it was a very trivial question. Lots of people have far more important issues when it comes to child support. I am very lucky.

OP you both seem to have a good setup.
May I ask is your ex still single, make sure your set up is in stone.

Some men, like my father, think the few scraps they throw when the can be arsed absolves if them having to pay anything extra and a mother asking for some extra help with things like school trips abroad should cover all costs themselves and that it's grabby to expect their other parent to help.

Some men hide their income to get out of paying what their legal minimum would be, if they didn't hide income to be able to legally provide less for their children then perhaps those men wouldn't be asked to help with little extras.

Even if I paid my husband several thousands pound in child support a month, if I was taking my child shopping with me, I wouldn't have to be asked to buy a few low value items like colouring books as I'd be doing that anyway.

I've always understood child maintenance to be for basic needs, clothing,food, housing.
Extras bought on either parents time are that parents responsibility. Extra large payments would ideally be halved.
I have in my financial agreement bits about who funds school trips etc. Probably not legally binding but helpful pointers nevertheless...

My ex doesn’t pay any maintenance for our 4 children so even that isn’t a legal requirement. He doesn’t buy them anything either as he doesn’t see them. When I asked for help in the past I got told no. So it’s down to the individual

@EmeraldShamrock it's all legally set in stone. He is single (as far as I know). Yet to cross that bridge.

@TheNumberOneSourceOfEverything @PumpkinP sorry read both of your experiences. I can't even imagine how tough that is xx