Am I making a big deal of this?

[Annbann]

Husband adds new girl from work on snapchat and Facebook, send messages back and forth for 5 days before I questioned him about it.
He says messages were just innocent and pictures of random things.
I've questioned why he would need to add her on snapchat in the first place?
And 2- why feel it's appropriate to send messages back and forth for 5 days?

Married 10 years with 2 children.

Just need some perspective because I'm distraught and not thinking straight.

What were his answers?

On snapchat you can't see the conversation content, only that a conversation has happened.

He is adamant that nothing crossed the line and has admitted it looks suspicious.

I'd be asking what the conversations were about and why it went on for so long.
I'd be very upset too if my partner did this.

How would he feel if the situation was reversed???

I'm not on social media but send emails back and forth with a male work colleague (that I'm not having an affair with!). Have you read the facebook messages?

He said the conversations were about nothing in particular, random pictures throughout the day of food and stuff like that.
She also has a boyfriend.
It's just too suspicious for my liking.

Sounds very much like he fancies her. Why add a new colleague to Snapchat and back and forth like a bloody teenager otherwise?

I think he fancies her too, just needed someone else to say it.
I don't think there's any other logical reason.

How new a colleague is she? I would find it very odd if my OH felt he was at a level of friendship this quickly with a new female colleague that they’d feel the need to swap photos of food 🤨

How often does he use snapchat normally? If it’s a fairly normal method of communication for him I’d probably be less worried. For example my OH rarely uses whatsapp so if he suddenly started all day conversations with a new colleague via this, I’d think it strange.

I think he fancies her. Doesn't mean she likes him.

Do you already have a reason to distrust him?

No this is the first time I've mistrusted him.

Just wish I could have seen the content of the conversations

Sorry op, I think you’re right.

To me, snapchat is a very odd form of communication between adults anyway. Bh it’s very nature, it’s about hiring something- if he wants to send a pic of his lunch, then why not fb messenger or WhatsApp? Even if it is innocent, using snapchat suggests that something not innocent could be sent and no one would ever know the difference.

Also, isn’t sharing pictures back and forth something you do with close friends, not workmates?

It would be a big deal to me too.

If he agrees it looks bad but is innocent, he’ll have no problems deleting her.

Yeah I agree, he has deleted her but the damage is done isn't it?

Don't know how to move forward from this, thanks for clearing it up for me.

Why do people do this? They just don't understand the hurt it causes

For perspective, I am close with two men one is married, one has a long term girlfriend. We exchange WhatsApp messages all day long, every single day, typically memes and other funny content like videos.

There is nothing going on other than friendship, I do not fancy them and they do not fancy me, we are friends and we have good banter, that is the height of it.

I wouldn't automatically assume there is something dodgy about your husband messaging her unless there is a back story here.

Regarding snapchat, is it photos they’ve been exchanging or actual messages using the chat function, OP?

@WagtailRobin No back story, new girl started at work and within a few days was on his snapchat, he rarely used it before.

@butterandbread Both

I’d certainly be suspicious too given your update, OP. Rarely used the app then constantly on it within a few days of meeting her? I would assume there was at least some attraction there if it was my OH.

What has he had to say on it? He must be able to see why it makes you uncomfortable for him to agree and de-friend her?

He's deleted the app altogether but the damage is done, he maintains his innocence and states it was nothing inappropriate which I find hard to believe