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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable???

30 replies

Chellefy · 14/10/2019 22:51

I'm feeling really angry right now and I just want others opinions of whether I'm over reacting or not.
So my sister has 2 children and her boyfriend has 1 child. (they share the youngest together).
Anyway I booked a holiday for her and her boyfriend and the 3 kids as Xmas present and birthdays presents for the kids really (early ones).
So I then find out that she has changed the booking and now none of the children are going but she is taking her boyfriend's sister instead.
Now I've never even met her bf sister and I had booked the holiday really for the kids so I just feel really angry! I've ended up paying for her, her bf and his sister! Now I really don't have money to waste as I live on just carers allowance that my son gets and this was a way of doing all bday and Xmas together but it's obviously backfired.
Anyway less rambling but am I being unreasonable to be angry?

OP posts:
Alwaysoverthinkingit34 · 14/10/2019 22:53

Yanbu that is awful!

I’d make a point of letting her know it was the kids present and see what she has to say.

PurpleDaisies · 14/10/2019 22:54

Yes, it was a bit cheeky to change the booking. Was it term time, or could there be a valid reason why the children can’t go?

Totally irrelevant, but I can’t understand why you’ve booked such an extravagant present when you’re living on careers allowance.

Original poster
Chellefy · 14/10/2019 22:55

She's gone it was today and she knows I'm angry but doesn't see why!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chellefy · 14/10/2019 22:56

No, the children are all not school age yet.
She's gone today and kids are at the 2 grandparents houses.
It was only the sun holiday so worked out at £38 but its the principle and I'd have spent that on bday and Xmas

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 14/10/2019 22:58

How was she ae to change the booking? Who has all the kids?

In future years I'd get something for the kids and not her

babycatcher411 · 14/10/2019 23:00

YDNBU! She is one serious CF to do that, did she give a reason why?

Original poster
Chellefy · 14/10/2019 23:03

Nope, I only found as my mum told me!
She was able to change the booking as with it being the sun one I sent her the emails I had off caravan park and she logged in and changed who was going.

OP posts:
ChoccieEClaire · 14/10/2019 23:04

Oh wow that's seriously out of order!

Daneel · 15/10/2019 03:37

Ya obviously nbu. But now you know not to overspend on them. The kids are little, so they don't know the value of things. Just go to the Poundshop and get them the cheapest, noisy toys and the luridest, messiest, sugariest sweets in future. Kids will love them and you. Sister and boyfriend will be driven insane.

Monty27 · 15/10/2019 03:44

DC's gifts only in future. Cccf!!
Angry

sashh · 15/10/2019 03:54

Wow, YANBU.

AngelicPP · 15/10/2019 04:03

OMG yes this is so rude! You are well within your rights to feel upset and angry. Did you make it clear or tell them that the trip was meant to be taken as combined birthday and Christmas gifts?

If you feel you need to get your point across but don’t want outright confrontation I would suggest you sit down and write a letter for when she gets back. Tell her that it was supposed to be a family gift from you to them and their kids to spend time away as a family, also explain that it might not seem a lot of money to them (I don’t know if they have a lot of money or not) but that to you at least it is not money that you have just laying around. Tell her that not only are you angry but (I assume!) hurt also.
Maybe if she can sit down and read how you felt and why and because it is done in a calm manner you have a better chance of her actually getting the point and maybe you can have a real conversation after (when I would expect her to apologise really!) rather than bringing it up face to face and her being defensive as most people do get in situations where they’ve done or being accused of doing wrong and then it all ends in a big mess and no one talking to each other and not really understanding each other! Maybe she just really didn’t think you would mind and after reading how upset you’ve been she might be really upset herself? Whatever the outcome this way you will have at least kept yourself dignified.
Good luck!! 🤗

BlackCatSleeping · 15/10/2019 04:12

It was rude of her, but to be honest it's bloody hard work taking such little kids on holiday, so perhaps they just wanted to avoid the stress without wasting the present.

I don't think you need to replace the presents for such small kids.

HerRoyalNotness · 15/10/2019 04:19

Glitter, glue and paper is what they’ll be saying for Xmas. Lots and lots of it

HerRoyalNotness · 15/10/2019 04:19

wanting!

FluffyAlpaca19 · 15/10/2019 04:22

From now on buy only material gifts for the children or take them out yourself. Don't buy anything for your sister or her boyfriend ever again.

Original poster
Chellefy · 15/10/2019 04:36

It was very clear it was for the children. I don't live anywhere nearby and actually don't have a good relationship with my sister anyway.
I appreciate it may seem like hard work but they would have been sat in a flat all day anyway! And the bit that really grinds my gears is the way she took his sister on holiday with them on my money!
I will get over it and have learnt my lesson. No more gifts from me period. She doesn't get my son anything anyway.

OP posts:
YobaOljazUwaque · 15/10/2019 05:50

That is totally out of order.

She's effectively nicked 3x presents from her own kids, so next 3 occasions when you would have got her a gift, get something for her kids instead.

AJPTaylor · 15/10/2019 06:28

Oh I understand your point but if it's in the UK and they are there now it's probably pouring down, windy and forecast to be the same for the week. Probably not quite as much fun for 3 pre schoolers as if the weather was decent. They should have told you but I don't think it's unreasonable as such when your gift, although generous, will cost them to take. Maybe parents suggested it?

rookiemere · 15/10/2019 06:41

Did you discuss the present before you bought it ? A holiday is effectively dictating to someone how they spend their time - even if bought with good intentions- and seems like an odd gift to get without talking to the recipient first.

Grobagsforever · 15/10/2019 06:45

To be fair, a caravan in this weather with three pre schoolers is a punishment not a gift.

A couple in a caravan with a single sister also sounds like a punishment!

YANBU but I can see why your sister did this

TurnOffTheTv · 15/10/2019 06:48

Whilst it was very nice of you to spend £38 on a holiday for her and the kids, you would be forcing her to spend a lot more trying to entertain 3 pre-schoolers on a wet and windy 5 day holiday in a caravan. I wouldn’t be happy with a holiday like that I’m afraid. Plus the sun ones are normally basic vans which sometimes don’t have heating.

AngelicPP · 15/10/2019 06:55

If they didn't want to take the kids away they didn't have to accept the holiday and they also not only took away your present to the kids but they also gave their present to the husbands sister! A holiday is a bit of a different type of present but if you looked at it the same way as if it were other gifts....say the parents took some toys off the kids that were presents and exchanged them for something else and gave it away to a friend but they kept their own presents to enjoy. Doesn't seem quite so reasonable then does it? I know they are only young and might not miss them but that's not the point if someone wants to buy them presents and spends their money on them then they should get the presents or at very least something in exchange!....or if the presents were unwanted they simply didn't have to accept them!!

Sweetpeach3 · 15/10/2019 07:52

Well isn't she a cheeky bitch.... why would you go away and not take your kids when it was a present for them also. Selfish mare comes to mind

NearlyGranny · 15/10/2019 07:58

YANBU. It was a generous family gift and she took it from the children and gave it to someone who is a stranger.

I wouldn't give her a gift at all in future, of any kind, and I'd make sure any gifts I gave her children were something she couldn't take for herself.

Poor kids!