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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I have a third?

13 replies

TimeForTeaTime · 14/10/2019 22:07

I need some help as I can't get this feeling out of my heart.

I'm happily married and have 2 children aged 8 and 4. Iv'e always wanted 3 children and my husband is happy with 2 that we have. I have tried to accept this is it and thought of the pro's of having my boy and girl such as youngest has started reception, not as expensive holidays etc.

So life is great right now, kids at school, I have a flexible job from home and husband has a good job that pays mortgage and all the bills.
We have a big enough car already and 5 bed house so wouldn't need to upgrade etc.

I'm 37 and it is now or never, so..... what should I do? AIBU? When I think with my head I feel very sensible and know I should be content but then when someone I know falls pregnant I get envious and the feelings come back again. I have had these feelings about 3ish years and has anyone felt like this before? What can I do to accept this and be happy with my life the way it is?

OP posts:

rainingallday · 14/10/2019 22:09

The wishes of the one who DOESN'T want another child has to trump the one who does.

You will have to make peace with two children, and be grateful you were blessed with them!

RolytheRhino · 14/10/2019 22:11

I think it's hormonal, op. Anecdotally, it seems like lots of women in their late thirties/early forties get this. It'll pass.

C0untDucku1a · 14/10/2019 22:12

No. Two is enough.

Vehivle · 14/10/2019 22:15

I'd be going for it if I were you but I know that isnt the feedback you're asking for. I'd echo pp and say lots of women experience this as almost a final last push by their biological clock. But once they hit menopause, it passes. Having said that obvs cant guarantee that will happen for you. I have read on here of some women ignoring the urge, going through menopause and then still regretting not having had their extra child.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/10/2019 22:17

Be eternally grateful for the wonderful life and family you have. You are incredibly lucky to have 2 beautiful children. Enjoy the family you have and look forward to the future when you get your life back. Your husband doesn't want another and he is wise for feeling that way.

AlexaShutUp · 14/10/2019 22:21

I might not be very popular for pointing it out, but the environmental impact of having another child would be significant. Climate change is a real issue that will affect our children and grandchildren. We all have to start thinking differently.

Your broodiness will pass. Enjoy the two lovely children that you already have.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 14/10/2019 22:27

Ultimately if you're not both 100% on this, you have to accept that two is your lot in life. I was told after DS2 arrived that I'd used up my quota and couldn't have any more. I could have resented friends their babies, could have been eaten up by jealousy (because in my heart of hearts I'd have loved another). Instead I chose to invest everything into being happy and grateful for the two I already had, and feeling nothing but joy for my friends having babies of their own.

You can choose how you handle this. But your wanting a baby doesn't trump your DH being happy with two. One of you will have to compromise, and having a baby shouldn't ever be a compromise.

Babynamechangerr · 14/10/2019 23:04

Hi OP, just to offer you a perspective, I'm your age and just had a third. Some things to consider :

it is likely you'll find the pregnancy much harder than what you remember as you're that bit older, I found this pregnancy super tough, much worse than my first or second.

it is harder to go back to the nappy and lack of sleep stage when you're already so much past that.

you have to accept that if your first two children are healthy and neurotypical that you're rolling the dice again and may not be as lucky the next time, I spent a lot of time worrying about this in my pregnancy, and still worry that my dc may later have issues.

from dh's perspective, the decision was based on how much longer it would be until he didn't have any dependents to provide for, which is probably on your husband's mind,as having another resets the clock back to zero.

Despite all this, obviously once the baby is there you love them and wouldn't have it any other way. I have personally found the transition from 2 to 3 much harder than 1 to 2,but I don't regret the decision.

ferntwist · 14/10/2019 23:22

I’d say go for it! You might always regret it if you don’t. What could be more amazing than a new baby to treasure?

Squirrelplay · 14/10/2019 23:24

I struggle with this two OP. In my heart I want three and always have. In my case DH would happily go along with that but I know practically it wouldn't be a wise move for numerous reasons.

I try and convince myself that two is more than enough and to be happy and grateful for my gorgeous DC. And yet I still can't shake that yearning for a third... it's so frustrating!

Elieza · 14/10/2019 23:38

Once you have another one, three years later you will get broody again and you could just have another one,,..
You will prob feel like this until menopause.
Perhaps better to stop at two. Unless you want a five aside team...

appletart99 · 14/10/2019 23:49

I totally get where you are coming from. I had the overwhelming desire to have a third, and managed to persuade my DH (who wasn't totally against but would have been happy to stop). As pps have said, we agonised as were worried about risk of abnormalities, having been blessed with two healthy children.

I am now 35 wks pregnant with twins....! Just to warn you - the chance of that gets higher the older you get (am 38). So be prepared for all eventualities!!

Original poster

TimeForTeaTime · 01/11/2019 21:45

Thanks for the varied replies it really helps to get different opinions.
Thing is I don't think it is broodiness it is like another poster said a yearning and always dreamed of having 3.
What made me think about this more is that even though my husband is happy with 2 he mentioned that he had thought of having a third a few times.
And this is what got me thinking and bought it all back and a realisation as to what he felt as I never knew he had at least thought of it too.

Agreed, I need to think about this and I guess the easier option is to do nothing and carry on like we are.

But I do not want to regret this in years to come, so thank you for reading and for your thoughts.

OP posts:

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