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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not wanting him but not wanting no-one else to have him. I'm in bits :(

10 replies

BrokenHearted2019 · 14/10/2019 18:13

Me and partner were together for 6 years and split up a week ago. The first 2 years were great but the remaining 4 years or so were bad and gradually got worse and worse. Always arguing, he was nasty to me at times and in all honestly I could be nasty back at times. I'm my head I know its the right decision to go our separate ways. The relationship was toxic and was never going to go anyehere and we were just hurting eachother. Since splitting up I had a few days where I was fine, getting on with it and just feeling quite normal. Today I have woken up with this gut renching feeling in my stomach. It was his birthday on Saturday and all sorts of thoughts are going through my head. Did he go out? His friends are all single so did they take him out to get laid? Even though we aren't together anymore the thought of him sleeping with someone else kills me. The thought of him being flirty with a girl kills me. Even the thought of him being friendly with a girl kills me. I have picked up my phone around 100 times today just checking to see if I have a message which I know I won't but I can't control myself doing it. Is this normal splitting up behaviour or am I being obsessive. I feel low, can't eat today and simple things like cleaning the house feel impossible. The truth is I can't be with him but I really don't want him being with anyone either, although I know it is none of my business. Am I going out of my mind or is this normal?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/10/2019 18:15

Erase his number and think about how shit life was with him. Be glad he's gone.

CormacMcLaggen · 14/10/2019 18:18

I know its the right decision to go our separate ways. The relationship was toxic

Write this on a note in BIG. Keep reading it.

Stampy84 · 14/10/2019 18:22

Do you have any children together? I’m only asking that as wondering how easy no contact will be

user1493413286 · 14/10/2019 18:22

I think it’s normal to feel this way after only a week. You know the relationship wasn’t working and you know you shouldn’t get back together so keep away from the phone and allow yourself to feel crap for a little while but it will get better.

Applesanbananas · 14/10/2019 18:35

hi op. sorry you are going through this. have been through this exact same thing a long time ago. It's truly awful and sickening. But it will pass. I tried to keep busy, and some days you will feel fine and some days it just hits you.
For me it took me a year but I worked on myself alot during that time. Now I'm with DH for almost 15years and he couldnt be further from my ex.

thepeopleversuswork · 14/10/2019 18:51

Totally normal for you to be grieving the end of a longish relationship. Part of the process. But you do need to do what you can to move on. You recognise that splitting was the right thing to do -- you need to put things in place to support that. Erase him as far as you can from your life. Take away things which remind you of him. Take yourself away from things for a few days to get away from it.

TheMustressMhor · 14/10/2019 18:55

I'm sure that what you're feeling is completely normal, and you will gradually feel better about things as time goes on.

It's very hard in the early days. You just need to keep reminding yourself how awful he was to you and how much better your life will be without him.

gamerchick · 14/10/2019 19:02

It's normal and it will pass. Do you have a bunch of pals to maybe come over for a bit of r&r?

BrokenHearted2019 · 15/10/2019 08:47

I only have one friend and she's quite busy with work and her child. I just wish I could stop thinking about it!

OP posts:
SuchAToDo · 15/10/2019 08:53

Delete and block his number, delete and block him and his friends on every social media and email account...

Move on with your life,

If he was out flirting with girls on his birthday he has done nothing wrong, he is a single man...

You are split up, you get no say over his life now and aren't entitled to even know about his life and his love life now...

Get out there and start having fun yourself and focus on yourself and the future...it's not healthy to be obsessing about an ex,

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