To not do Christmas

[Lalalalalalalalala]

It's just my and my Partner, I've lost both my parents in the last 12 months.

So last Christmas was without my Dad and this Christmas will be without both of my parents, plus both their Birthdays in December too.

As you can imagine really have no desire to do Christmas, never been a big fan anyway as don't have kids. Me and my partner have been together 3 years.

I don't really have a big family so no-one my side I want to spend it with.

He does have a big family, both parents, brothers and sisters but they all have their own kids etc and his parents usually go to to one off his brother/sisters. We have been invited in the past, but no one has mentioned Xmas this year yet.

In the past 3 years, I spent all Christmas Day with my parents as it's just the 2 off them, My partner spent one Christmas with us and 2 with his parents at one of his sisters. My dad was unable to leave house so never any chance off Christmas all together.

One off his sisters usually has a party on Boxing Day so would go to this for him.

My partner mentioned yesterday going away for a couple off days somewhere remote, just the 2 off us.

But am I being selfish to consider this, I won't be cooking Christmas dinner, either way, nor could I cope with going out to a restaurant. It will be a day off eating junk food, watching films, going for walk etc.

Obviously there's the cost too, been looking and seems it will cost between £400-600 at the cheap end.

Can anyone recommend somewhere remote, self catering within 3 hours drive off Nottinghamshire, with a hot tub?

I'm in two minds what to do, not coping with the thought off christmas already, all the stuff in shops already.

Your partner sounds amazing. What a great idea. Unfortunately holiday cottages really know how to change for Christmas and the new year. Just done a quick google, this looks lovely - no hot tub, though.

Twww.sykescottages.co.uk/cottage/Peak-District-Peak-District-Derbyshire-Dales-Bradwell-Hills/Woodcroft-Barn-924122.html?_hsearch=1910145da4685a21485&_price=486&_display=1#duration=7&start=2019-12-20&changeover=5

I’m so sorry for your loss. Loosing a parent (let alone two) is so hard no matter your age. There is no right or wrong way to go about Christmas, do whatever you and your partner are happy with. Christmas comes in all different shapes and sizes.

Do it, we do every year. Just Dh and I, full up the car with all sorts of tasty munchy things, plenty of wine and a deck of cards. We head for the deepest darkest parts of Northumberland to a holiday cottage for the week with no phone signal and nothing but sheep for miles around. Bliss.

I'm so sorry for your losses .
I think going away would be ideal and you are definitely not being selfish and it was your DP who suggested it anyway.
I too have lost both parents and it's hard at Christmas time where the emphasis is on 'family time' so I do understand and it isn't easy 😢

I would say you’ve got the right idea. The year after my mum died my I booked last minute tickets to Thailand and just didn’t engage in Christmas at all. It was the best thing I could have done at the time

Sorry for your loss.

Your partner sounds lovely-it’s a really good and thoughtful idea for Christmas this year.

We don't celebrate Christmas really.

I had a terrible bereavement close to Christmas and knew we had to shake the expectation and traditional routines up. I don't regret it one bit!

We get a few gifts for close friends and family, but that is it.

We go away with another couple, who are like minded and mostly ignore it all. We have great fun- long wintry dog walks, films, music, games, lots of booze, lazy brunches and late nights.

You are not selfish - make your own traditions and fun, life is short!

What about Sherwood Castle Holiday Forest, they have cabins which look reasonable.

That sounds like an ideal Christmas after your crappy year. Be selfish and do something you want to do!

It sounds like a very good idea, in the circumstances.

Just do it. Partner sounds lovely. What a good idea.

Your partner sounds lovely and supportive- a nice change from the usual mumsnet threads. I think his idea sounds great. I lost my last remaining parent earlier this year so I am also dreading Christmas this year a bit. Sorry for you losses and I hope you have a wonderful few days away.

www.sugarandloaf.com/off-the-beaten-track

Yes go away it will be lovely, we stayed home last year just the 2 of us as the kids were away, we didn't have Christmas dinner we just ate nibbles and cheese, drank Gin and relaxed.

YANBU Your partner is right you should go away for Xmas.
Sorry for your loss . I don't wont to do Xmas ether as all my children have left home I feel a bit sad to.

That's a nice suggestion from your DP.

I feel the same way about Christmas as you for similar reasons; so I volunteer at a local centre that feeds lots of lonely OAPs Christmas dinner; actually makes me feel a bit better about the whole thing. Maybe you could look into doing something similar in future?

But yes, treat yourself to a nice break this year. Sorry for your losses.

That's a fab idea. Not selfish at all, and I bet your partner will enjoy the break too. I'm so sorry for your loss, that must be very hard.

Sorry to read of your loss and if you are not Christian there is no obligation to celebrate Christmas. The idea of a remote break sounds ideal for you both.

Thanks for your replies and sorry for people going through the same thing or similar

I know Christmas is a business now days and probably keeps a lot off shops etc still able to trade. I just don't feel it should be rammed down our throats so early. This 'perfect' Christmas which in reality is only in the movies.

I know I'm very lucky to have a supportive partner, I would not have got through this without his support and off his family.

Thanks for suggestions I will look, I think hot tub is pushing the price up but thought it would be different, sitting in it, enjoying a tipple or too.

Whatever we do on the day, I will raise a toast to my parents, they were wonderful people and still can't believe their gone. I know I was luckily as they were both in there 80s but it's still hard whatever age. You think your parents are invincible but sadly not.

Have a look at www.underthethatch.co.uk/ some lovely Welsh cottages on there in the middle of nowhere.

Sounds like a great idea. Air b n b is a good site for lovely cheap places

Sorry for your loss OP, it sounds like a fantastic idea, and it seems your partner is more than on board. A hot tub sounds great!

Great idea OP and I would do the same but with your budget would probably go abroad and get more my money. Just an idea

So sorry for your loss, OP.
Christmas is not compulsory, and the idea of going away sounds great.
I don't have any suggestions where, though.

If not doing Christmas is what you need then go for it. It’s no way selfish and actually sounds quite lovely!

How about Wales? Go onto airbnb, type in Wales plus your dates plus hot tub. Loads of places came up for decent prices for 23rd Dec for 3 nights way under £600. I’m not sure how to link it but there is a cottage on there with hot tub, wood burner and views over Snowdon for £462 for 3 nights over Christmas. Great reviews too. There are cheaper places too but that one caught my eye.

I hope you find what you are looking for x

I lost my dad this year. And my mum has dementia which has really gone downhill.
Because we knew mum wouldn't be around for long (Dad's death came out of nowhere), my sister and I had already booked an Air Bnb for our while family this Christmas. We're still going but without mum and, of course, dad.
Mum's care needs are way too much for us and I'll be 7 months pregnant by then so we're doing Christmas with her a different day. Tbh she won't know who we are or what day it is.
Im just trying to say, I understand your losses and I feel your pain. Don't feel guilty. Do what you need for Christmas. We're going to the south coast of Wales. I agree. Get a hot tub. Enjoy yourselves.