NC
Sorry this is long but would really appreciate your views.
I worked for 7 years with a woman who was my supervisor. We got on well and when I left we kept in touch. She has since also left work and every 6 weeks or so we meet up and have lunch. It's never been a straightforward road and many times I've thought about just letting the friendship 'die'.
She is a very honest person and is basically good-hearted but she's not the easiest. When we used to work together a lot of people disliked her because of constant, repetitive moaning and groaning. I used to see the funny side but even I used to get dragged down by it, day after day. But I always thought 'it's just her, the way she is'. She was good, hard-worker who gave her role everything and had to cope with some difficult situations so I admired her in that way.
If she went on too much I would try to lift the mood or change the subject but it rarely worked and she was like a stuck record. If you met her out of work she would still be moaning on endlessly about the same work stuff.
I thought that when she left work that would stop and it has to a degree she is a lot happier but sometimes I've come away from our meetings totally drained.
If I am telling her something, she will often break in before I've got to the point with what 'should be done' or 'should happen' and give her opinion on the matter. This is usually totally non-relevant as she hasn't yet heard the full facts. So I let her carry on and then get back on track with what I'm saying. Or she will override it with something and go on a different track of her own and I don't get to finish. The last time we met I actually said 'let me finish' and she still didn't stop.
But it's the latest developments that are bothering me. A few years ago I had a go at a different direction in life, career-related. and it really got to me so I didn't carry on with it and I was extremely stressed and upset for a long time. However, I got over it, grew stronger, and am now giving it another go.
She was very negative when I said I was doing this. I explained my reasons and made it clear why I was now going back along that same route. So then when she asks about how it's going, it's with 'that' voice. you know the one? It's not a genuine or even concerned 'how are you doing' it's more 'you're bloody mad to be doing this and it's bound to go pear-shaped but you won't listen will you?' kind of voice.
In the first few weeks of my starting I met up with her and I was having a tough time because it was the beginning and a bit of a culture shock but I could not tell her that as I know she would see this as being proved right and she would love to say 'I told you so!'
So I had to lie and say yes it was fine.
It's even in the way she asks me. It's not a genuine, concerned, 'how's it going' it's in sort of a narky, resentful voice that says 'I don't agree with it, it's bound to go wrong, you're blood stupid for doing it but I'll ask anyway'.
To be clear, it's nothing unusual, millions of people do it all the time, it's normal. I just don't want to say it here as it's too outing.
I sometimes get the 'I don't know why you're doing it after last time I don't see the point' speech.
The thing is, I have explained my reasons but she just doesn't seem to listen.
Surely she should be happy for me and encouraging even though she doesn't agree with it and not have this attitude?
I makes me feel anxious and defensive and that I cannot be honest with her about things.
So I'm wondering, is there any point having her as a friend if it makes me feel this way and I can't be open?
The thing is we DO have some good talks and I don't have a queue of friends waiting at the door. She HAS helped me with difficult times in the past.
But sometimes it's like she WANTS things to go wrong for me. It's like she almost LIKES it when I have problems and she can play the advisor.
It's always a gamble when I meet her, I can come home feeling fine as she's been not too bad or be completely drained by her.
Or am I being too sensitive?