Greetings from South Africa. I am a newbie here but I am hoping you can understand my situation well enough to provide the valuable advice I am so needing right now.
I have grown up in a divorced family nearly all my life with my 3 brothers, one of whom is my twin. Our life was hard, my mother could only provide the bare essentials. My twin and I have remained fairly close while my 2 older brothers have moved on with their lives, with one living in South America and the other about to emigrate. My mother is old and starting to become frail while my twin brother has been diagnosed with schitzophrenia. Neither of them are working, or have a drivers license or car. In the past I borrowed money from my brother to get through some difficult times of my own. He now lives on my property rent-free in lieu of the money I borrowed from him in the past. I am married and have 2 small demanding children which makes my life very chaotic. My husband has just recently begun a new job and leaves home early in the morning and sometimes comes home late at night due to work commitments. Before my brother moved onto our property, I made it clear that he needed to be self sufficient, which he mostly is but for the odd occasion that he appears outside my kitchen window to warm food up for him etc. My mother meanwhile feels that she does not see my children enough and recently remarked that I need to provide the transport for her to see them more. Bear in mind that many times I have taken her home during my working hours because public transport is not the best here. I agree that she barely gets to see her grandchildren but I feel like I have more than enough on my plate without adding to my already chaotic life. My mother also once remarked that once she has passed on then my twin brother will become my responsibility and I need to be the one to continue looking after him. He doesn't have a job although I feel he is quite capable of having one. I feel that years ago he chose to stay home because he had his savings and in the last few years he has not managed to find a decent job, which is very difficult for males of certain ethnicities in SA. Can I please have your opinion on all this? I feel bad for feeling the way I feel but I do feel that my family takes advantage of me and it seems to be becoming worse. It has got to the point where my husband wanted to make me chose between him and my family. My husband and my family IE. my own children, are everything to me, not my family whom I feel have for the most part chosen their lifestyles for themselves