Do I insist on proof?

[Mylittlerobin]

Okay I know this might sound crazy but my partner (we live together and have been together for two years) and who I love very much has searches and visits to sites with local escorts on his phone history. This has happened more than once. We are both very open with our phones and I was checking his history to look for a site we both wanted to look at again. He gave me his password a long time ago.

He is at a complete loss explaining how it got there only to say he watches films sometimes and goes on 'dodgy' websites sometimes (to access stuff like TV series) and it must have been a pop up that he looked at.

Finding this for the second time yesterday I have flipped, packed his stuff and told him it's over because for me this is unacceptable, worse even than porn because it is local women. He was devastated and practically begged me to understand. I'm saying I will give things another go only if he can prove, maybe via a phone expert, that these were accidental searches. Am I being a mug here and should I insist on proof? He's very tech savvy so I would expect him to be able to know how this is showing in his history......

Our relationship is amazing otherwise, he is attentive, loving, sweet and reliable BUT I wonder if this is a red flag and if he needs this 'outlet' or whatever it is then I don't want a man like that. He proudly tells me he has never cheated on a woman in his life and promises me he would never consider using an escort or do anything to jeopardise our relationship.

Do all men look at these sites? Is it normal? Could it be accidental? If he is looking at them why not admit it? If I am wrong and he is innocent I will feel so guilty. So do I insist on proof and any ideas on how I would get this?

Hi Goldleaftea,
Yes they are specific searches on his Google history. Sometimes with nothing beforehand, straight into the search, e.g. 'searched for'....then 'visited'.....I know he has P*rnhub as an App but this doesn't actually bother me.

He's lying.

Could it be hes been watching porn and a pop up came up and as he scrolling hes clicked it by mistake? I do it all the time even when on mumsnet. I always get jewlery ads and I click on then my accidents sometimes as u scroll down.

Yep, I take it back. He's lying.

There is no "phone expert" to corroborate his story.

Which appears to be that he has a strange virus that searches google for terms regarding local escorts and then visits the sites?

How unlucky. Does it happen while you have the phone? While he's asleep? It'd be such a coincidence for a virus to visit local escort sites twice; while he was awake, and while only he has his phone...

He's taking you for a mug.

When I’m on TV/film sites a side bar ad will often pop up say stuff like ‘sexy local mum looking for sex’ etc. I’m obviously not interested but these ads do appear. Sometimes they are accidentally clickable as they can annoying appear over the damn video.

HOWEVER, if you searched my history they wouldn’t come up as 1. I haven’t actively searched for them 2. I haven’t clicked them

I would be very suspicious but would need to do further sleuthing before acting.

I don't know if you'll ever be able to get proof of intent when it comes to search history, browser history, etc.

If I were you I'd be more concerned about him acting on these accidental/intentional visits to local escort sites. Do you have access to his bank accounts? You live together, so have there been times when he's not at work and not at home? Times when he could be meeting someone?

Has he ever done anything to give you reason not to trust him? It sounds like trust is a big problem here - you don't trust him and you're not likely to get the 'proof' you need in order to trust him. Also, the more you push him for proof, the more likely it is he's going to get better at hiding things, if there are things to hide. It's a tricky situation, and I feel for you, but at the same time I think you need to work out what it would take for you to trust him, and whether that's a reasonable thing to ask. It's not fair on either of you if you're going to be worried about what he's up to, and he's going to be worried that you'll throw him out every time you look on his phone.

Option 1: you'll know if he's deliberately typed and searched for those terms by checking his typing history. If he's using Google keyboard or SwiftKey on his phone then they'll be a history of every word he's typed in, whether it's a text, email or search engine as these apps save every word typed into the keyboard. All you'd need to do is access those apps and have a look at what words were recently typed in, everything is neatly listed for you which is helpful.

Option 2: go to his Google account via the browser and under settings is data and personalisation, then you'll need to click 'Web activity' this will also show a list of EVERYTHING he's typed into his phone browser, every video watched, every photo looked at...ect. For example if it says "you searched for 'escorts in XYZ location' then he's definitely searched for it himself but if it's just in the history without being an identified search, it's likely to be a pop up.

Quick add, if he doesn't use either of the above keyboard apps, or doesn't have an account with them, they'll be no history. It only saves your history if you're logged in, same with Google data, it can be turned off and if he's smart with technology, he will easily know how to delete all of his history.

I wouldn't assume he's guilty straight away, I've had plenty of inappropriate pop-ups when I've been downloading music or movies to my phone, it's very difficult to find a website where you can download films for free without having some kind of pop up.

Hope this helps!

Thank you everyone you're all very supportive and helpful - I will keep you updated :)

Please don't stop your suggestions though .....I'm finding it really supportive and enlightening.