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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking my best friend is sidelining me?

5 replies

Bub3017 · 13/10/2019 17:43

OK, so I have been best friends with this person for such a long time, we usually/were inseparable she was always at mine for tea and we did everything together and have been there for each other through so much both good and bads. But recently I feel like I've been sidelined for her bestie from primary school. We both have a best friend who we went to primary school with too. My school BF is good friends with the person I'm talking about, if we are doing anything she is usually invited too she may not always go as she can't afford it or childminding issues but nevertheless I invite her and would have said about her P.S BF too but she always had man issues or couldn't get a childminder. I've kids as well and she has recently got her first wee one. I know I probably sound jealous and I suppose I am a little but I'm feeling so incredibly hurt right now. Her journey to motherhood wasn't an easy one and I was there throughout every difficult step, holding her while she cried, praying for her that it would all work out, jumping for joy if there was a reason and crying whenever she found out about her little one. I've been a supportive friend and not just with this but through her studying again, helping her with assignments and I was there for her when her and her partner went through a hard time, but in the last year from her P.S BF finally got the courage to end her bad relationship, and I feel like I've been ditched! I thought I would have gotten to enjoy all the good stuff now that it's here, to be a part of her littles ones life, enjoy watching her flourish into the brilliant mum I know she is, seeing the little one grow up like she has with mine. But it isn't, if I try to say anything I'm accused of being jealous or that she can't mention the other person's name without me pulling a face. The P.S BF wasn't around for all the hard stuff, if things were OK with the ex she didn't want to know her or even answer the phone, and when she did it was because her and the boy fell out - she was even so insensitive to our friend by using her as a point of comfort when her boy told her to get an abortion several years ago (I'm pro-choice but there's a time and a place and it needs to be your choice) even though she knew about her struggles. She's even going on her first family holiday with the P.S BF. I went through a dark time several months ago, and her excuse for distancing herself from me was that I was talking to much about becoming an aunt, which I didn't but yet she in my opinion is running up the backside of this girl! Am I wrong for feeling hurt??

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 13/10/2019 17:51

No-one can say you're wrong for feeling hurt, but maybe it's time to step back a little.

Bublicious · 13/10/2019 19:48

I'm starting to feel like I should, but our friendship was always so good and my children love her and think of her as an aunt. I'm not sure I can throw away 20 odd years of friendship. I'm just so hurt which is why I'm so stuck, anyone else I'd tell them to run on, but we've shared so many memories and we are close to each others families. Well we where!

Didiusfalco · 13/10/2019 19:55

For your own sanity you have to distance yourself. It’s shit, you sound like you have been very supportive and yes, now you are being sidelined. You can’t actually change how she treats you though only how you respond.

Bublicious · 14/10/2019 13:41

I know I can't and I really have been so supportive to her. I am a loyal friend and will always have your corner and be there for you in you are in my life. Throughout everything she has been through I was there for her, even on Christmas morning when she called in when the kids were smaller, she was welcomed in with open arms I know it is a small thing. I always viewed her as a sister, my kids see her as aunt and what hurts the most is this other BF of hers, will drop her once she gets a new man and I know she will come back! I feel like I am in the wrong for feeling this way!

ChilledBee · 14/10/2019 13:59

"Navigating adult female friendships is so complicated!”

Crazy Eyes, OITNB

I think sometimes we treat friendships like exclusive relationships and it can become suffocating.

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