Aibu to leave in law liaison to dh?

[Sillyscrabblegames]

Name changed but following posts last year about my frustration in being treated as my husbands diary secretary and ending up spending more time with in laws than my own blood family members, I took a decision to defer all In law comms to dh.
Since then whenever relatives visit i leave it to him to plan and get food, when they request a visit I say sounds lovely message dh so he can sort dates... Etc...
This has been liberating as at one point I was literally running around after them one day every week when they would visit and sit on my couch to be waited on by me. This dwindled to a visit every few months.
And now we havent seen them for about 6 months. Dh basically does nothing to stay in touch or see them which I suppose proves the original point that it was me maintaining a relationship with them and not him.
So now I am feeling a bit odd about it all. My kids basically don't see their GPS any more or their cousins which seems a shame.
Should I sort something or just leave him and them to it?
I really don't want to go down the road of staging their relationship again but they sent the kids a book (to share) last week and it made me doubt myself.

It's not just your husband who should be making an effort, your in-laws should be , too. If you start playing social secretary again, you'll be right back where you started. Leave them to it! You are not responsible for their choices.

Get the kids to make a thank you letter,post and sit back.

If you want to see your in laws, there's nothing stopping you making an arrangement. Granted, you'd preobably end up doing the work of hosting, but you'd be doing it for your children, not your dh or in laws. Then you can go back to not making any more arrangements until next time you feel like it.

I do this with Fil. Dh wants a relationship with him. He wants dc to see him. But can’t be bothered to organise it.

To be fair neither can Fil.

I stay away from organising. I do enough for dh and the dc. I’m not doing that too.

When you want to see your inlaws and you want your DC to see your inlaws, then invite your inlaws

The rest of the time, just leave it to your husband.

Well I don't actually want to see them for my own benefit, I am just asking if I'm now being obstructive. They keep asking me and I keep saying yes lovely speak to dh. He then doesn't sort anything.

Very good point about thank you card which I will sort ASAP of course.

I think you need to put your foot down harder with your dh. They clearly do want to visit if they keep asking. Your dh needs to step up and organise something.

If you give an inch you will be right back at square one again...I am in your position exactly..my husband was supposed to be the one who took over the arrangements when I refused as I am not Cinderella or a bloody social secretary to inlaws and their demands either,,since this nothing.He doesnt ring them they don;t ring us.He cannot be bothered to put himself out neither can they.I feel guilty no one else does.So I am concentrating on my home.him and the children.No one will rectify this but me and I am not willing to be a doormat for him nor them.So until someone does something then it is what it is. The kids will not be missing out that is your feelings of guilt creeping in.Leave them all too it OP.Your mental health is far more important.Turn off the guilt right now and live your life.Don;t go back or you will be right back where you started shouldering the lot of it again.

Thank you that's exactly how it feels!

Well they obviously are making an effort and asking to visit etc. So they do want to see the dc/you. It's annoying your DH isn't responding but ultimately it's your DC that will miss out in seeing their GPs. Would it really hurt if once every month or 6 weeks you asked them over?