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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to ask about sleepovers for primary aged children?

27 replies

Merryoldgoat · 13/10/2019 14:06

My 6yo (Y2) is desperate to start having sleepovers but I’m not sure if it’s too young?

Is this the norm? I didn’t have them as such until I was much older and then it was just staying with my best friend or her with me from about 14.

If they have a slumber party do you have boys and girls? Or just single sex?

OP posts:

musicmum75 · 13/10/2019 14:17

In our school sleepovers didn't start until around Y4/5. In Y4 they had a one night residential trip so that seems a good age for them to be away overnight without family.

bridgetreilly · 13/10/2019 14:22

I started having them when I was about 7 or 8. Definitely at primary school. But only with one or very occasionally two friends. I wouldn't be hosting parties with ten of them sleeping over and I wouldn't have mixed sex sleepovers.

SmallestInTheClass · 13/10/2019 14:31

I'd consider if it was with a friend of the family but not someone I only know from the school gates. My DD was invited to a couple in year 3 but both got cancelled and changed to normal parties as none of the parents said yes to the invited kids staying over. Not a reflection on the parents just a sign most thought this was too young. I'd check with parents first or your DD might be upset if no one can come.

Tvstar · 13/10/2019 14:39

I would save 7is the normal age.

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 13/10/2019 14:41

Thank you all! You’ve confirmed my feeling. I’d prefer him to be a bit older first.

Thank you.

Also it would only ever be with someone I know well, not just school-gates.

OP posts:

Canuckduck · 13/10/2019 14:45

I’d be ok with close family friends / cousins but not school friends if I don’t know parents well.

yawnhedehihi · 13/10/2019 14:56

If your good friends with the parents then I don't see why not but I'd personally wait until their a little older.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 13/10/2019 15:04

DD has just had her first sleepover with a school friend. I know the mum to chat to and DD and the friend have been to both houses during the daytimes. DD is in Y6.

I wanted her to be old enough to manage at bedtimes, cope with food she didn't like in a polite way and generally not need lots of hand holding.

DD has stayed with grandparents and been away on a camp, just the first time staying with a school friend.

CointreauVersial · 13/10/2019 15:12

Mine definitely had sleepovers at that age, but just one-to-one, with close primary school friends.

Save the group sleepovers until they are older, because they are hell on earth. There will be no sleeping done, and you can't adequately supervise a group of 7yo kids through the night.

Ladycsparkles · 13/10/2019 17:16

My daughter has been having sleepovers since reception, but only with children who's parents I'm actually friends with. I regularly also have her friends to stay over, this is the first weekend in a while that there's not been a sleepover actually. We have both boys and girls to stay.

I wouldn't allow her to stay out if I didn't know the parents very well regardless of age.

GinNotGym19 · 13/10/2019 17:21

My 7yo had one person sleep over here aged 6 and went to one of those sleepover tent parties age 7. She’s done a couple with rainbows too.
I had a child stay that was reluctant to go to sleep then got up very early but aside from that it was fine.
Sleepover tent parties are all the rage here but I’m not brave enough to have one!

GinNotGym19 · 13/10/2019 17:22

When I say sleepover tent parties I mean the company’s that come in and set up tents in the lounge, not chucking them all outside!

forkfun · 13/10/2019 17:22

Both of mine had sleepovers at that age. But just with very close friends who we know well.

Gamorasgran · 13/10/2019 17:24

Been happening in my kids class for a few years (they are y5) but generally only when the families are friends not just school gate friends. We are only school gate friends so mine don't tend to get invited!

I think we'll be offering to host our first one for dds 10th birthday - one friend each.

I had my first one in y6 I think.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 13/10/2019 17:25

DD1 had her first sleepover for fun (not childcare) when she was in Yr2, just before she turned 7.

Kids are ready at different ages. As a Cub leader, we over overnights for Beavers from 6yo, but not all attend. We have some not quite ready in Cubs which is 8+.

Redwinestillfine · 13/10/2019 17:26

My Dd had her first at 7 with a really good friend of the family. I wouldn't agree to her going on sleepovers with a group of kids and definitely not with schoolmates.

ladygracie · 13/10/2019 17:27

I’d say whenever they feel ready. But we had a rule in my house that for every sleepover they had, they had to have two early nights afterwards. It worked so so well & neither child ever argued about it as it was just the rule. Not relevant but thought I’d pass on my tip!!

kitk · 13/10/2019 17:27

DD started having sleepovers at 6 but she's been going to her dad's since she was 2 so isn't fazed by being away from me. I accepted an invite to a sleepover last year when she was 8 though and found out it was mixed sex and felt different about that. I'm not very sure why.

My rule for sleepovers she hosts is girls only and only girls who have been before or have proven records of being away from their mums overnight. I'm a single parent who dsnt drive so can't get kids home at 2am who decide they're homesick

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 13/10/2019 17:29

I remember when I was about 10 and I had a friend round for a sleepover, she was absolutely fine, perfectly chatty and relaxed until it actually came time to go to bed and then she suddenly became hysterical, crying inconsolably wanting her Mum. My mum ended up having to drive her home in the middle of the night. My eldest is only just 6 and hasn't even asked yet, hoping she doesn't til she's much older!

kitk · 13/10/2019 18:19

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery similar happened to me! Never got over it and never had another sleepover!

runningintothesunset · 13/10/2019 18:25

My eldest son has been having sleepovers with his best friend since reception. They’re very close though and I know her parents well. I think it all depends on the children involved

Yika · 13/10/2019 18:28

My DD was desperate for a sleepover aged 5. I made her wait until 6. Regular event ever since. But only with one friend at a time.

MyNewBearTotoro · 13/10/2019 18:34

DD is in Y2 and it doesn’t seem like sleepovers have started in her class yet and I definitely feel like she’s too young (August baby) to stay with a friend. She is still in night nappies and can get anxious even sleeping with grandparents when DP and I aren’t there so she definitely doesn’t feel ready.

I’m not sure when would be the right time - I think I had my first sleepover in Y3 but I went to a tiny, rural village school where everyone knew everyone. Where we live is not such a close-knit community, I’m not sure I’d be ready to send DD to a sleepover for at least a few more years.

reluctantbrit · 13/10/2019 18:57

DD had her first with just 5 but the host family are good friends and DD had been alone with them for day trips before so I knew she was comfortable and knew how to ask for help.

She is now 12 and had a variety of them or stayed at overnight but mostly all with the same group of friends. With school friends it never worked out as I also insisted the girl in question would have to be with us beforehand several time not just appearing for the sleepover.

I definately don't host groups, 3 (so 2 plus DD) are the most I do.

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 13/10/2019 19:14

My DS has been staying with PIL since around 3 but that’s different - I’d trust them with his life and he’s seen them multiple times a week since birth.

I’d generally prefer to host so if he keeps on I’ll suggest that instead.

He’s also got HFA and he’s made lots of friends over the last few terms and I want to encourage that of course.

OP posts:

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