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Original poster

I'm being unreasonable aren't I? Boyfriend on holiday

53 replies

AnxiousYes · 13/10/2019 10:22

My boyfriend of 6 months (early days) is on holiday in Spain with his friends, he's been there for 4 days now and is there another 3 days. We are 25. I've heard of him everyday since he's gone and we've had phone calls.(he asked for them) but I didnt hear off him all day yesterday. I said him a message yesterday saying good morning and to have a lovely day. He saw it but never replied but posted on instagram. And, with the joys of technology, I saw he was online on and throughout the day. I didnt think anything of if really though and didnt send any messages but went to bed. Woke up this morning and still no message despite him being active about an hour before i woke up.
So I sent a message saying "is everything okay"
And he replied saying "of course, why wouldnt it be?"
And then sent another saying "i did try and get in touch with you yesterday (and a kissing face) xxxxx"
So i replied back (as a joke)
"Just checking you were still alive (laughing face) and glad your having a good time!"

But now I feel so stupid!! I havent been messaging him loads during his holiday, i only message as a reply when he messages me. But I just wish i never sent that message now and i'm cringing at my "just checking your still alive" message Hmm i thought it was jokey at the time but now i've read it back, i'm worried he'll take it the wrong way!

I have so much anxiety right now :(

OP posts:
Original poster
AnxiousYes · 13/10/2019 10:58

@SprinkleDash but I don't double text? Apart from this morning.
I havent come on this message board saying "my boyfriend is on holiday and he's not messaging me 24/7. I want him to text me alll the time. He's not messaging me whilst he's with friends"
I've asked for some perspective on a message i've sent. I've said that he has been initiating contact whilst on holiday because I know he is going to be more busy than me. I dont get where this idea of me being a crazy girlfriend has come from over one message?

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 13/10/2019 11:03

Gibbs on NCIS said something that rang true with me.
If you know everything about a person there is no mystery.
Your boyfriend is not MIA you know where he is.
Let him chase you, so he can see he has a prize of a girlfriend.

RolyRolyRolyPoly · 13/10/2019 11:05

You did nothing wrong OP! You sent a message which wasn't replied to for hours amd even the next day and from your op, sounds like it was unusual. You wanted to know if everything was okay and it was.

If it were me, I would laugh at your humorous "wanted to check if you're still alive" reply because that's how it came across, funny. So unless he doesn't have a sense of humour, I'd say not to worry about it.
It does seem like there's a bit of a communication gap missing there which was what got you slightly worked up. Perhaps he sent a reply or called you and you didn't get it (bad connection or something) but he thought you did. So he's acting normal while you're wondering where the response to your earlier message was.
Is this correct?

RolyRolyRolyPoly · 13/10/2019 11:10

I also don't think you're being clingy. You're just wondering to yourself -albeit obsessively- if you overdid it with that reply and you have come to ask here. The answer is you didn't. Nothing to worry about.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 13/10/2019 11:13

I want to bang my head against a wall

ConfusedHmm it might bang some sense into you

Original poster
AnxiousYes · 13/10/2019 11:13

"I want to bang my head against a wall" is a saying, i obviously didnt mean it literally.

OP posts:
YouokHun · 13/10/2019 11:16

If he wants to spend every minute of his holiday shagging the population of Spain then he can go ahead and do that. If he doesn’t he won’t. The type or frequency of his social media use and contact will have little correlation with that. So no point in analysing what he’s doing. It’s possible to be swinging from a chandelier naked whilst simultaneously texting “had a lovely quiet day living like a monk. Miss u babes” (not easy but possible, not that I’ve tried). So turn our phone off and do yourself a favour.

Original poster
AnxiousYes · 13/10/2019 11:17

@RolyRolyRolyPoly Thank you so much for giving advice based on the original post! I feel fine now and im just going to get on with my day,
And thank you for not making assumptions that I am this crazy, obsessive girl and making up your own stories such as I'm a double texter and i give him no independence.
We are all human and we all get anxious so i'm going to stop beating myself up over it now

OP posts:
Derbee · 13/10/2019 11:22

OP, there was nothing wrong with the message you sent. You are certainly thinking about it ALOT more than your boyfriend is. Chill out. You sound like you’re into each other, he’s not going to react badly to a little message. Chill!

user1493494961 · 13/10/2019 11:28

YouokHun - Your post made me laugh, I'm sure it's put Op's mind at rest.

RolyRolyRolyPoly · 13/10/2019 11:35

@AnxiousYes No worries hun. x

SunshineAngel · 13/10/2019 11:36

I suffer from (diagnosed) anxiety, and I too worry when people don't reply to me. I do literally manage to convince myself they either hate me or they're dead.

Just so you know, you can turn off active statuses on both WhatsApp and Messenger in the settings. I did both of these a little while ago, and my life has improved since.

What I have learned, though, is that there are lots of reasons that people might not get in touch with you. He might have just been busy on his holiday (and his activity online could have been checking in with the people he's away with, to see where they were or something), he could have been hungover and just not in the mood to chat - you do feel crap sometimes after a heavy night.

I will tell you from my own bitter experience, don't let these worries ruin things for you. He's on holiday, yet he's phoning you and (usually) sending you messages. That is a very good sign, as it's incredibly easy to be out of sight out of mind when abroad. He obviously cares a lot about you. Let him enjoy his holiday, enjoy things on your own terms while he's away, and start afresh when you get back.

Butterfly84 · 13/10/2019 11:47

OP, you are behaving like a teenager. Your DP has gone away, take this as some me time for you. Do some things you enjoy on your own, e.g. relax, go out places etc. You don't need to be texting him every day. He's on holiday, enjoying himself. So you...enjoy yourself.

bringincrazyback · 13/10/2019 11:55

Anxiety is hard. I think some people are being quite unnecessarily nasty on this thread.

Witchinaditch · 13/10/2019 12:05

Massive overthink

YouokHun · 13/10/2019 12:14

Anxiety is hard @bringincrazyback but it is a product of one’s own thinking and behaviour - no one ‘makes you anxious’, rather we make ourselves anxious according to our own thoughts, beliefs, actions. OP’s message was fine but some of the behaviour (phone checking) and thinking (why hasn’t he replied when he’s on line? What does it mean? Etc) isn’t helpful to the OP and I think pointing it out isn’t necessarily unkind.

OP, you don’t come across as a bunny boiler, not in the slightest but I still think you need to put the phone away and not engage in trying to interpret your relationship through the skewed lens of SM/texts.

Original poster
AnxiousYes · 13/10/2019 12:19

Thank you,
Yes I probably do need to stop with the "last seen" thing (why did someone even think creating this would be a good thing Hmm) I'll have a look at how to turn notifications off

OP posts:
TheAlternativeTentacle · 13/10/2019 12:27

And with the joys of modern technology, it's pretty hard to not see when someone was last active

If you are stalking them yes.

I genuinely have no idea or need to know when anyone else on the planet was last online. Why would I? And what has it got to do with me?

Original poster
AnxiousYes · 13/10/2019 12:32

I am not stalking @thealternativetentacle and after this comment I will not be replying to anything you post as you are making up your own monologue of me being a bunny boiler.

OP posts:
bringincrazyback · 14/10/2019 13:11

Anxiety is hard @bringincrazyback but it is a product of one’s own thinking and behaviour

Agreed, but some people do find it harder to 'regulate' thoughts and behaviours than others.

Janaih · 14/10/2019 13:30

it sounds to me like he's been very keen to keep in contact with you and is thinking about you a lot. suspect that he's got grief from his holiday mates and that's the reason for him easing off with messaging.

also wouldn't describe six months in as early days. it's long enough to know you have a long term future.

bottom line: relax, don't worry and look forward to seeing him when he gets home. maybe plan a holiday together.

Lifeisabeach09 · 14/10/2019 17:14

@AnxiousYes, yep, double standards.

TheAlternativeTentacle · 14/10/2019 17:45

and after this comment I will not be replying to anything you post as you are making up your own monologue of me being a bunny boiler.

I am just responding to your words on the screen.

DonnaPaulsenSpecter · 14/10/2019 22:43

I never want him to think i'm obsessive

Yet you've gone and made a thread about such a non-event on MN too. If you're not obsessive or concerned about him, then what exactly is the issue?

He's on holiday, and it's quite apparent from your OP that you are checking up on him which isn't healthy.

Time to mature a bit and step back. He's on holiday, constant contact is not necessary.

Anonymous001 · 15/10/2019 00:46

I don't think OP has done anything wrong. Yes the are you still alive text could be seen a little OTT to some but he could at least send her a morning text when he has a spare few mins away from the lads. To go from calling and texting her frequently to going quiet on her would confuse anyone, think people are being a little harsh here.