I hate seeing my sister, should I carry on this relationship with her if it’s always a painful experience so I don’t upset my DP?

[Ratherberightthanhappy]

My DS and I are very different people, her life is a bit of an escalating car-crash, my life is I suppose very ‘London’ to her. I’ve worked really hard and made some money and my problems must seem very much first world to her. My issue is this. She has always been spoilt and in my opinion quite selfish and relies on everyone else in the family to bail her out of various situations that have fallen out of her lifestyle over the years. This is now impacting on the wellbeing of her DD. She doesn’t open up to anyone in the family but still expects everyone to look after her. I have never tackled her about any of this but I’m sure I don’t hide my disapproval as well as I think I do. She gets very irritated with our ageing parents and has spoilt every family occasion with her teenage tantrum behaviour (she’s 40’s) now for the last few years. My parents really worry about her and feel sorry for her. Our family never discuss anything and if I bring this up I know it would cause a huge drama and I would look like the perpetrator. Over the past few years she has started being more and more really unfriendly to me. She has started Making snarky comments intimating I was really horrible to her and bullied her when she was a child. This literally isn’t true and is a new opinion that has come out of nowhere. There is an awkward atmosphere when we get together. I get really anxious prior to a family gathering and really sad that our relationship has got to this stage after I come away. My DH says I need to stop seeing her. I can’t do anything that would upset my folks but I also want to make things less painful for me, WWYD?

Is ds your sister or son and dp your parents or partner

DS my sister, and DP my parents x

Either call her out when she’s making insinuations/accusations.

Or go very low contact and matter of factly tell anyone who asks why.

I’d go no contact personally, you’re not going to win. At least it will keep you out of her range. She’ll turn her attentions on someone else if you’re no longer around to be her target most likely.

Confront at the time, or withdraw from her.
Your parents feelings about it are not your responsibility.

Look up Grey Rock strategies on the outofthefog website.

How to dial back contact, and prevent drama, when you need to be in the same room with someone toxic.

After a while of this, you probably need to discuss it with your parents, and explain that you don’t want her in your life. That your personal limits for bad behaviour have been reached, and you’ll be distancing yourself from her. Ask them to please not engage with you about her in the future, and not expect you at family gatherings when she’s coming. Be sure and stress that this is not a strop, a feud or a drama on your part- just an adult decision.

Don’t want to say who, but suffice to say I’m NC with a family member. Since I became strictly NC, I’ve felt a great weight lift- don’t have any of the associated stomach pains (literally tense and ill just before, during and after seeing them). I don’t know if this is a forever thing, but at the moment it feels right on so many levels- I can’t recomend it enough to give you head space and overall chance to deal with your own life separate from the anxiety of a toxic relative.