Am I wrong to be mad

[Stupidhippie]

I just want to know what other people think about this as I don’t want to be a nightmare and unreasonable.
My partner has been out on a works do since 12 and it was in another town. I am pregnant and not been myself for a couple of months and thought he might come back when it had ‘finished’ so that tomorrow I’m not stressed with looking after our toddler alone (cause he’ll be rough) I messaged him to see if he was getting the last train back but he said he was already on his way back but going on to other pubs with his friend (female). I just feel I personally wouldn’t be staying out with a guy when I’d been out all day and when everyone else is was going home I’d just go home also cause it wouldn’t sit right with me. I know there’s nothing going on and I’ve no reason to think anything would it’s just how it looks that’s bothering me and why wouldn’t he want to come home and not be rough tomorrow??

It’s not about controlling it’s about respect. He is leaving you to look after his child for the weekend so that he can go out and have fun. He has as much responsibility as you do and coming home at 4am knowing he will be no use today is taking you for granted.

Unless it follows a conversation where you say this is ok I am happy to look after our child, the weekend is your own. Which I doubt or you wouldn’t be posting.

I'd be fed up too OP

Leave him be! So long as he’s not doing it all the time I don’t see the harm. You’re not the only woman to ever be pregnant.

I think the pregnancy is a red herring tbh. Going out drinking for 16 hours is ridiculous.

"Yabu and controlling. I don’t get some mumsnetter’s aversion to looking after their own toddlers when pregnant- you’re carrying a baby not terminally I'll"

So the OP would only be justified in feeling like this if she had a terminal illness?

Wtf is wrong with you??

Poster stop stewing. Wake him up and give him his child have a rest. Leave the house. He can take care of his child, hangover or not.

YANBU. I would be and have been pissed off if my fella' been out all day drinking and leaving me alone with a toddler. And like you say he'll be rough as bollocks the next morning. My ex did the same when I was almost due with our youngest and our oldest was only 15 months old. Came home at 3am after we agreed at 12am and woke both of us up by throwing up and didn't get up until 3pm the next day. I dont think you're controlling. You're pregnant and tired and I totally get where you're coming from.

Go out today and leave him to it OP.

Once he has to parent whilst hungover a few times he'll quickly realise that the fun isn't worth the pain the next day.

He's absolutely within his rights to go out and enjoy himself, but he's also a parent and he doesn't get to just walk away from those responsibilities because he has chosen to stay up all night and drink.

You looked after your DC yesterday, it's his turn today.

OP, of course you are not unreasonable.

Unfortunately he sounds very selfish.

Pregnancy isn't an illness, but my you can feel very tired and worn out by it at times. Particularly if you have an active toddler.

Having someone to step in and share the load is not too much to ask.

My husband, who enjoyed a occasional night out during my pregnancies would no more drink so much that I was in effect looking after the children from 2pm on a Saturday and then all day sunday because he was hungover.

Good partners don't do that.

Nothing controlling about it.

Just consideration of each other.

I can tell you I would not be treated like that.
I wouldn't accept it.

I agree with other poster's.

Wake him.
Tell him, he's on duty and head off somewhere.

I also wouldn't be keeping any child quiet.

He knows from a few weeks ago that you weren't happy and he has carried on.

Have a hard, honest think about who you are with.

He doesn't sound great.

Why do so many people advocate 'handing children over' to hungover parents to look after, just to make a point?

You wouldn't hand your child to a hungover childminder/babysitter or anyone else to look after them because you'd quite rightly think it's not what's best for the child (or at least one would hope so).

Don't make your child a pawn in this. If he's acted irresponsibly then sort that out together as two adults who should have your child's best interest at heart.

Why is it that on so many threads the first few posts are pretty unpleasant?

Op, I agree with pp who suggested you go out today and leave him to look after your child. After all, you did it solo yesterday.

Yes but presumably the OP wasn't hungover yesterday when she did it solo.

It's going to be a pretty miserable day for that kid if it's left in the care of a hungover adult.

@WorraLiberty

Agree 100%

It's not a game. OP and her DH are adults and should be going 'tit for tat' here

@WorraLiberty

Agree 100%

It's not a game. OP and her DH are adults and SHOULD NOT be going 'tit for tat' here

Does being hungover really render people useless? I’ve looked after my DC hungover before, pre-kids I’ve been to work (teacher) hungover. It’s not ideal but you just put your best face on and get on with it. Usually once you’ve had a coffee and picked yourself out of bed it’s possible to get past a hangover and hanging out with toddlers involves a lot of acting and pretending to be super enthusiastic about boring things when you feel tired and would rather be in bed anyway. If the OP’s husband isn’t able to get past his hangover and step up to look after his child and instead chooses to spend the day feeling sorry for himself and playing the hungover card then he’s a bad father and the OP should be thinking about whether she wants to be with him. Lots of parents have been in situations where they’ve looked after their kids hungover and just gotten on with it so the kids don’t know any different. Nobody needs a full day in bed to recover from a hangover unless they’ve got a serious problem, if you’re child free you might choose a day in bed but it should be possible to push through a hangover and do what’s needed and not doing that when you’re a parent is just choosing to be lazy and selfish.

On threads like these I never understand why the couple hasn't discussed the plans for the weekend before the weekend happens.

Then it could have been decided between you what time it was ok to stay out until and who was looking after the child on Sunday.

Much easier surely?

MyNewBearTotoro I agree 100%.

My hangovers disappear after a coffee and a fry-up. OK I'm tired for the rest of the day but as a parent you just get on with it.

However, it seems a disproportionately high amount of MNetters husbands are apparently 'ruined' for the entire day.

If that's the case, people shouldn't be advocating the use of children as pawns in a 'punishment game'.

Men are never going to learn how to parent solo if they never have to. I've parented hung over before and I got on with it. Toddler will be fine with dad.

It's not a matter of revenge, mum needs time to recharge her batteries and let hair down as well!. She is tired and anxious right now. She needs to rest.

A hangover does not render someone unable to mind a child🙄. It just makes the day longer.

This is the reason a lot of parents drastically reduce their alcohol intake when they have children, as the day is infinitely longer and harder, and ultimately not worth it, except for a rare occasion, IME.