To dread bedtime?

[cavycavy]

Putting my 4 year old to bed is horrific. Screaming, crying, begging, fits of rage etc etc to avoid going to bed.

Any tips?

Less transitions. Ds2 was a bedtime screamer. He was better when we dropped the bath and story. So he only had tea, put pyjamas on, do a wee and read by himself. We also did the turning around quietly and leading back to bed. No words. He's autistic though, so might be different for you.

Yes, the build up to our bedtime is quite drawn out now. She has so many requests and worries.

I’m trying very very hard to stay calm and not resort to anger.

I was thinking of buying some kind of lamp that projects onto the wall, for her to focus on?? Good or bad?

That should say “I cannot keep resorting to anger” because it doesn’t work.

There's a book called 'A Huge Bag of Worries', that has got good reviews. Ds2 is too old for it, but I found it when I was looking for a self help book about anxiety for him.
I found that the more words I used the more upset he got. I wonder if you talk to her when she is calm about bedtime about what the routine will be. Also I wonder if a worry book will help that you write down the thing that is bothering her to sort out tomorrow as she is tired at bedtime. Explain that when you talk about the routine. Make sure you do sort out the worry the next morning. As her brain will soon be trained to realise that the worry is sort outable. She's got stuck in an anxiety circle. You're both probably feeling very stressed at bedtime.

But being calm and quiet is the key. Although I did shout occasionally because he's very tenacious! We can only do our best. I also think the projector night light is a great idea.

Not everyone’s cup of tea (parent or child), but at that age I lay/sat with mine while he drifted off to sleep. It was painless and pleasant. At six it was no longer convenient and we stopped and that was painless too.

Hope you find something that works for you

I read someone got a spray bottle and labled it, so a few sprays at bedtime would remove anything the child may be afraid of. You could even let them use it. Just put water or add a few drops of lavander oil .
Could a reward chart work?

Yeah same as pp. I've always stayed with them as long as they want me to. Dh too. It works for us. He regularly falls asleep with dd1. Often before. I hear him snoring through the wall while she's still awake 😃

Also my 4year old dd still loves her projector light! She recently made me buy her a similar one she saw in a charity shop when we were dropping in clothes. They're for babies really but she loves them and I didn't mind as it was a charity shop

Thank you for all the advice. I’ve made a list of suggestions and discussing with the DH

I stayed with my DS to go to sleep until just a few months ago, which was shortly before he turned 5. At some point he just seemed ready to go to sleep by himself. He does have a story CD to listen to each night; however, this wouldn't have worked by itself a year ago, I think he also just needed to get to that point where he was ready IYSWIM.

Another thing friends swear by is having two siblings sharing a room.

I bought a projector lamp last night, it’s arriving today!

Well... since last post, we have had 2 really good nights. Full marks all round. I stayed calm and patient. She fell asleep independently, didn’t call out and stayed in her own bed all night. She was so proud of herself in the morning. She got a small reward with the promise of a big one if she can do 5 more nights).

But.... Tonight has been fucking awful again!

I think a big issue is my stress levels generally. I have quite a full on job (NHS) and then come home knowing (of feeling like) I can’t relax until bedtime is over. So I feel quite pressured to get it done quickly. Ive identified a definite correlation between my stress levels and her difficulty falling asleep. She must be picking up on it and struggles to settle. Poor thing.

What is your routine before bed? Is she having too much fun and doesn't want it to end?

With my 4 year old we start talking about bed at 7, we say you have x amount of time before we go up so time for food. Then as he is eating we talk about what book will we read then once upstairs (we might have a race who can get there first) we pick the book, talk about the book and I ask him questions about the book- all distraction. Then I say I can't wait to hear about his dreams in the morning and how tired I am so must go to sleep now

Don’t lose heart, you’re doing great. It’s a big change for you all, so there are bound to be hiccups along the way.

Stick with what you’re doing to the letter. Address the setback in a positive way, let’s see how well we can do tonight, you’ve done so well etc.

Consistency, positive reinforcement and reward. You’ll both get there.

Don't lose heart too much. When I did gentle sleep training with my son the sleep expert lady said it's completely normal for children to have a few good days and then suddenly regress. Keep doing what you're doing, it will get better again!

If she is picking up on your stress could you do a 5 minute meditation/de-stress when you leave work (I'm going to assume you drive so can sit in your car before driving off or have some sort of commute where you can listen to it) so that you can switch off from work mode and be relaxed enough to get bedtime done.

Well done on being self-aware enough to recognise an issue though.

Tonight was much much better. All because my mindset was different, I didn’t rush it, I enjoyed it! Me and DH agreed it would take as long as it takes.