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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable

8 replies

Alone2016 · 12/10/2019 18:51

Alone2016

Hello please help.
I’ve been with my partner now For over three years. I have a grown up family and he has a teenager with an ex partner who he split with almost 10 years ago.
Since moving in together I’ve discovered everything he told me about his relationship with his ex is a lie (because we saw each other 3-4 times a week I didn’t realise the time he spent with her. He told me he lived with a friend but he was actually living with the ex tho I know they weren’t sleeping together). He still does everything for and with her and his excuse is their child.
I want him to see as much of his child as possible and also provide financial support, the child will always come first and I agree completely with this.
Please give me your thoughts on the following and tell me if you think I’m being unreasonable:
I’m not allowed any kind of relationship with his child, I’ve seen her five times in over three years only when we’ve been out together and she’s asked for a lift, she’s not allowed to talk to me (mothers rules).
He pays me board but gives his ex the rest of his money, if we go anywhere I have to pay.
His name is still on her bills, he’s on her council tax bill, he goes to weddings, christenings, birthday parties with her I’m not allowed to go. Now I find he has taken car insurance in his name on her car for the third year running after telling me he wouldn’t. She was banned from driving several years ago and lost her licence so now only has a provisional. She’s supposedly been taking driving lessons for the past two years but doesn’t need to drive because she has him. He takes her shopping, I go alone. He spends Christmas Day with her, buys their child’s gifts together, buys her gifts but not me. They are still each other’s next of kin. He lies all the time has secrets and I’ve come to the decision this relationship needs to end because it’s not good for me. He says he loves me, how can you love someone and have such disregard for their feelings just because you have a child with someone else?he even ignores my calls when he’s with her because it upsets her although I don’t call very often. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 12/10/2019 18:55

You're the other woman

John470322 · 12/10/2019 18:56

Is he your partner? He sounds as if he wants two women in his life. Unless he cuts the ties to his ex (and realises what ex means) then why is he with you? If you matter to him why does he not take you and his child out for days together?

Pinkypurple35 · 12/10/2019 18:56

Are you sure they’ve actually split up? It sounds like you could unintentionally be the OW?
If they are definitely separated, then you are taking so much of a back seat I don’t think your relationship has much of a future im afraid.

CAG12 · 12/10/2019 18:57

As a PP said, you sound like the woman he's having an affair with

TanyaChix · 12/10/2019 18:58

You could tell a rock in your garden you love it. The fact that he says this means absolutely nothing. His actions all say more than his hollow words. He’s a compulsive liar and unfortunately you are several years down the line and emotionally invested in him, which makes you more likely to want to believe him and trust him. Are you even sure she is an ex and they aren’t sleeping together? Look at the facts: she’s closer to him than you because he allows her to be (nights out, shopping, living together etc) and he goes out of his way for her in a way he doesn’t for you. Don’t be second best!

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2019 19:00

Yup, you're totally the other woman.

Alone2016 · 12/10/2019 21:55

I have tried many times to be involved with his daughter who is now 16 but her mother won’t allow it. I realise now he has been manipulating me and i loved him to much to see. I fully accept there will be times when he has to be with his daughter and mother but there is no reason to keep me out of her life and he wouldn’t if he didn’t want to, he said he knows the mother can’t stop him seeing his daughter so there’s no reason to shut me out other than choice.
The mother has a very responsible job and I cannot understand her attitude. I’ve asked to meet her several times so she can judge me in person but she refuses. Although I believe he isn’t sleeping with her he goes to her every time we argue and she allows him to stay with her, she calls it co parenting. I know I have to ask him to leave but it’s hard. Thank you for your comments they really have helped me see what I have to do.

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 12/10/2019 22:03

He must be amazing in bed Confused

Dump him, seriously run, you are worth far more than this, he is showing you no respect, it's time to show yourself some.

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