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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think a house can impact your mental health?

63 replies

LookingForAlaskas · 12/10/2019 18:38

I hade so many issues with my flat

  • hot water constantly being turned off. I then have to venture into a very scary cellar every time to turn it back on (straight out of a horror film.) this happens a lot.
  • internet is awful. Only works in 1 room (again I live in a flat not a 10 bedroom mansion)
  • mould constantly grows on the ceiling (old building)
  • Exceptionally difficult to heat (again old building)
  • No privacy (neighbours can and do look into my property, especially the bedroom)
  • people can never find it (I live at 12 and there’s a building next door which is 12A)

I can have severe depression and anxiety and struggle in life anyway but the above issues that shouldn’t even be there just make me want to say fuck this shit.

Am I being a sensitive snowflake?

OP posts:
Tableclothing · 12/10/2019 18:41

It all sounds shit. The mould is a health hazard and could make you seriously ill. Obviously the ideal would be to move - I'm guessing there are obstacles to this. What are they? MN may be able to advise.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 12/10/2019 18:41

Do you rent? Is it possible to move?

All of those factors are going to add to a low mood, but most can be addressed. Your options depend on whether you rent or own, and who is turning the water off.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 12/10/2019 18:45

It definitely can! I hate nw builds, they make me feel absolutely miserable. Especially the magnolia ones. I’m currently in an old flat (incidentally with most of the same issues as yours) and I’ve never loved a house more. Different people will find different things depressing but being in an environment you like definitely matters.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/10/2019 18:47

When I was a little girl, we moved house because my dad had a new job. We didn’t stay in that house for long (certainly less than 2 years) because my mum was so unhappy living there - I was too young to remember exactly what it was that she hated so much but I think it was a combination of subjective things - but it made her clinically depressed.

When we moved house, the difference it made, to mum’s mental health, was amazing - so I absolutely DO think a house can impact your mental health, and I am sorry this is happening to you, @LookingForAlaskas.

formerbabe · 12/10/2019 18:48

Absolutely agree a house can affect your mental health. I'm very sensitive to my living environment, it massively affects my mood.

missmouse101 · 12/10/2019 18:49

Do you rent or own op?

Sparklesocks · 12/10/2019 18:50

It absolutely can, your home is where you’re meant to be the safest and comfiest - when that is disturbed it can cause great stress and anxiety which can hugely impact your MH.
Is there any possibility you could move?

Fizzypoo · 12/10/2019 18:50

Yes your environment matters.

I was depressed when living in a crap, damp, mouldy, cold flat with a bus stop outside my living room window. There were other issues as well but that did not help my mental health, my home was not my safe happy place.

I now live in a lovely home, with radiators not storage heaters! It's very private, warm and homely. I like being in my home again and have been much happier since my move and stopped anti depressants within 2 months of moving. A few years later and I'm still as happy as ever.

user1472709746 · 12/10/2019 18:53

It definitely can.

NumberblockNo1 · 12/10/2019 18:57

Yep. I hate my house .

formerbabe · 12/10/2019 19:00

I find flats depressing. It's not a snobby thing...you could put me in a beautiful million pound flat and I'd still rather live in a crappy house. I just don't feel like I'm at home in a flat.

I also hate new builds...they are so soul less that they depress me.

Living anywhere with noise problems would seriously affect me.

I used to live in a two up two down Victorian terrace ..I was so happy there, just something about it.

I like my current house...it's in a great location...but it needs a few things doing to it...I'm generally happy here but only if it's clean and tidy.

ShinyGiratina · 12/10/2019 19:02

Yes it can. Feeling safe and comfortable is essential for being able to deal with any other issues that life throws up.

I would struggle to live with others in an open plan house if I couldn't take myself off when needed. I need light and warm colours. I'd struggle to get through winter in a trendy grey house.

The bit I found tough living in halls was having the constant sound of fire doors slamming. I'd never cope with a prison Grin

quincejamplease · 12/10/2019 19:04

Snowflake is a horrible term.

Static film on the lower half of windows? So you can still see out when you want and see the sky, but neighbours can't see in.

autumnboys · 12/10/2019 19:06

My MIL was a bit worried when we moved into our current house as it’s at the end of a cul de sac. She had lived in one when her kids were small & felt very depressed at the lack of goings on. I on the other hand work in a very busy office & am happy to retreat at the end of the day. So yes, I absolutely think your home can effect your mental health. I hope you can find a solution soon. Flowers

missmouse101 · 12/10/2019 19:08

? Rent or own? There will be some definite things you can do in either scenario to really improve things.

MerryDeath · 12/10/2019 19:13

absolutely! all your reasons are completely valid. i have had noisy neighbours in the past and the stress was unbearable.

slightly differently now i live in a renovation project and i've noticed my existing sensory issues have amplified hugely with regard to cleaning, what i can and cannot happily touch and all sorts of little things that at our old house were much quieter.

SallyLovesCheese · 12/10/2019 19:16

Definitely, it can, OP.

DH suffers with our new house. There's so much building work and redecoration that's needed, he gets quite down about it not being finished and feels stressful as all the rooms have DIY bits in them. Before this we were renting and he hated that house. It's so hard. I don't seem as affected because I can see the end result in my mind so find it exciting.

Do you rent? Could you move or talk to the LL? Are there things you can do re. privacy? That would be my first concern. I hope you can get something sorted.

SunshineAngel · 12/10/2019 19:20

I think when you have mental health issues things might bother you more (or quicker) than they would if you didn't. I know for me, I can always tell when my anxiety is starting to play up, as I start snapping at my partner for things like mess and wrappers, as it winds me up things not being neat and tidy.

But, the things you've said I think would annoy anyone. I also believe that yes, properties can affect your mental health. For example I used to live in a flat and found it horribly depressing and claustrophobic, and now I'm in my house I'm a hell of a lot happier!

Hatherden123 · 12/10/2019 19:20

yes - there is research on this in regard to the layout of council estates in the 1950's and 60's and the impact on mental health for families who moved out of london to the suburbs - the detrimental affects of having separate dinning rooms (rather than eating in the kitchen as previously) led to many homes being designed with hatches from the kitchen to the dinning area for example.

LookingForAlaskas · 12/10/2019 19:21

Firstly thank you for the kind words.

Secondly I do own and I’ve tried to sell it, I had countless viewings but zero offers.

I didn’t get much feedback sadly but the major one was the high service charge and I tried so hard to change it but my neighbours won’t switch management company.

We were also suppose to be getting the communal hallway decorated (it needs it!) and the management company after close to 2 months are “still getting quotes back for the work”. I chase this up every week.

The other feedback was the size but again I can’t do anything about it.

OP posts:
RoseQuartzGlow · 12/10/2019 19:22

Yes it can. I moved house a year ago and can't wait to leave. I am not happy here.

LookingForAlaskas · 12/10/2019 19:23

Also the privacy isn’t as bad now it’s colder and the neighbours aren’t outside my windows so much,

But the colder weather means more mould, over the ceilings, the walls. It started coming through the wallpaper. I try and keep on top of it but Sad

OP posts:
CravingCheese · 12/10/2019 19:24

You're not being a sensitive snowflake at all. This sounds like such a huge bother. And having a space where you feel safe and secure is so important. Renting it out wouldn't work, I guess?

Tableclothing · 12/10/2019 19:26

Have you got a dehumidifier?

RoseQuartzGlow · 12/10/2019 19:28

I would suggest you wash down the mould with a bleach solution to get rid of it, at least temporarily. Do everything you can to make the place appealing to buyers. Try to look at it from a buyer's point of view Plants, dealing with any obvious issues like sealant on the shower or bath, get contract cleaners in to deep clean, make sure carpets are clean etc. Buyers will sense if you are unhappy there so try and make it look really homely. Also be realistic about your selling price. Make sure the place smells nice. Spray all the rooms with an essential oil in water mix before viewings, make sure rooms are warm and well aired etc.