Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me with perspective please

14 replies

Flappyjack · 12/10/2019 00:22

I've had a big barny with DH tonight.

We are both super stressed at the moment. He has been put on a three month review at work and has decided to look for another job. This has taken over his life. He wakes up at 3am to do job searches and wakes up in the morning heaving with stress.

I on the other hand have a different kind of stress. Dm is terminally ill. I take her to hospital appointments etc and it all taking its toll on me.

Tonight I took my son out to a birthday party and asked him to clean up his mess in the kitchen. Well, you know what's coming? He didn't. He decided to relax by watching a film.

I came in at 7, tired and hungry and just burst into tears. I ran upstairs and balled my eyes out. I couldn't even hide it from the kids. I feel awful about that.

I've explained (ranted at) my husband that he isn't the only one stressed out. He cleaned up, then I made some toast for dinner because I was too tired to do anything else.

He has been on Facebook all night posting about his job searches and now I am lying on the settee because I can't bear to be near him.

Please can someone send me a virtual hug. I have no idea if I am being unreasonable or not, but I know my life is unraveling and I feel like the person meant to look after me, well, he isn't.

I know it was only cleaning up the kitchen but godammit, I just wanted to come home to a tidy place and relax on a Friday night.

OP posts:
Pittlepops · 12/10/2019 00:32

Sending a virtual hug. Seems like you are very stressed and so is hubby. Try and get some alone time for yourself and invest in your own mental health. Sending lots of love x

BravoStrong · 12/10/2019 00:32

It's not you. Don't feel bad for displaying a totally normal emotion - it's good for children to see that adults sometimes get overwhelmed and upset, we shouldn't try and be stoic all the time.

Flowers
WagtailRobin · 12/10/2019 00:33

Your mum is seriously ill, your husband's professional future is uncertain, you have young children, of course it's all going to get on top of you from time to time.

An overreaction in respect of the kitchen not being cleaned but when all else is factored in it's not a surprise that emotions are running high.

I have no advice other than try to stop being so hard on yourself!

Original poster
Flappyjack · 12/10/2019 00:38

Thanks guys, you've helped me uncoil a little bit.

I've just been reading the perimenopause thread and think I might also be in the category too. Sigh.

Someone wrote 'perimenopause makes you hate puppies ' Grin

That could well be me right now.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 12/10/2019 00:39

Do you work as well? Or is the only income hour husband’s job, which he doesnt seem to think he will have in under three months?

Original poster
Flappyjack · 12/10/2019 00:42

I lost my job earlier this year, but I've managed to pick up a part time job to keep a bit of money coming in. It's all I can manage with DM's illness.

Christ, 2019 has been hell.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2019 00:46

I'm the one who wrote that peri-menopause can make you hate puppies, and it's true, but there is no reason whatsoever your husband couldn't have tidied up the kitchen. Fuck that lazy bullshit. He might be stressed but so aren't WE ALL. It would have taken him all of 10 minutes, but he waits until mummy gets home. Totally unacceptable.

Original poster
Flappyjack · 12/10/2019 00:54

Thanks for being on my team Aqua.

I felt the same to be honest. I specifically asked DH to clean before I left home. I would have done it for him and it really does only take ten minutes.

It would have made a world of difference at the end of a long week to walk into a tidy house. Useless bastard.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flappyjack · 12/10/2019 00:58

I should have also said in the beginning that it was all his mess. Sorry, not meaning to drip feed.

He gave the kids a quick tea before I dashed back out with the youngest.

OP posts:
Barbel · 12/10/2019 00:59

Flappy I could have near wrote your post. Similar stresses going on here and I swear to God coming home to a messy kitchen sets me off.
Big hug to you and your poor mum.
Life is shit sometimes isn't it

Missingsandraohingreys · 12/10/2019 01:03

Hugs
Both stressed
Forgive each other
It’s hard core
You are having an awful harrowing time
And so is he
All will pass but it’s really really hard Flowers

Original poster
Flappyjack · 12/10/2019 01:03

BarbelFlowersfor you.

Life is spectacularly shit sometimes.

I think you hit the nail on the head about the kitchen. I was also starving and had to wait for him to clean up. Starving and tired and stressed is not a good look for me Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Flappyjack · 12/10/2019 01:05

Thanks Missings.

My face is looking more harrowed by the day.

OP posts:
Missingsandraohingreys · 12/10/2019 01:05

The kitchen thing
It’s wierd . Clean kitchens and clear surfaces make me happy . I can’t properly relax with a
Mess
My children and partner seem to not be slightly bothered by it
I Just don’t know

New posts on this thread. Refresh page