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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Deliberately left out of fb tagging

21 replies

SalemShadow · 11/10/2019 23:51

I know this prob sounds pathetic. However, I am friends with a group of girls and one of them is deliberately leaving me out of Facebook tagging say memes. It's been going on for ages she will tag the other 8 girls and not me. I mentioned it last time on fb and she ignored me. I logged in this evening and saw she has done it again. I don't know if aibu? Just makes me feel like shit. Im wondering whether I want to be on fb anymore.

OP posts:

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 11/10/2019 23:53

If not being tagged in a meme bothers you that much then maybe coming off FB is a good idea.

Can't get upset by what you don't see.

scissorsandpen · 11/10/2019 23:54

She is a tit try and forget about her and focus on the other girls :-)

Onemorefortheroad · 11/10/2019 23:55

Aw that can hurt, agree with PP, ignore and focus on your other friends!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 11/10/2019 23:55

Oh wow HOW do I go about getting left off these memes? all tips welcome!

HairyFloppins · 11/10/2019 23:56

Unfortunately a lot of women never grow up from high school.

I tell my 12 year old who is going through similar shit just to ignore it and rise above and concentrate on others who are nice.

Yes come off FB. Social media is the work of the devil.

WagtailRobin · 11/10/2019 23:57

Social media (in my opinion) can lead to feelings of isolation and exclusion, so from that perspective it's understandable why you would feel left out if your close friend is tagging your other close friends and not including you.

HOWEVER, maybe consider taking a break from it for a while, it really will do you the power of good. I did it myself a while back (a whole 10 days) but you know what? I was so relaxed during that duration, I didn't care who may have been posting what or saying what, instead I found myself totally forgetting Facebook and all of its negatives.

DarkDarkNight · 12/10/2019 00:01

If it’s making you feel bad just step back for a while. Or unfollow her, although you might still see it on your other friends’ feeds I don’t know.

If you’ve mentioned it and she’s still not tagging you there’s a reason for that isn’t there? It says more about her than you, it’s a power trip for her probably. Sod her.

SunshineAngel · 12/10/2019 00:03

I know people say it's silly to worry about things like that, but it doesn't matter whether it's something on Facebook, a text, an event invite - whatever. You're purposefully being left out of something that the rest of your group are in, and you don't know why.

I wouldn't come off Facebook because of it, if you have no other issues generally, but I would suggest limiting your time on there.

It can become very toxic if you let it, and there is always that danger of letting the balance slip between it being a good communication tool and just completely soul destroying.

L0bstersLass · 12/10/2019 00:07

Please don't let her get under your skin. She's a total arse and is showing herself up to have the behaviour of a teenage bitch.
Fuck her - rise above it. You are better than this.

BumbleBeee69 · 12/10/2019 00:17

Block HER

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2019 00:20

She obviously doesn't like you.

Either ask her why or start ignoring her back if it means that much to you.

Halo1234 · 12/10/2019 00:35

She is rude. She is mean. She is immature. It's not a reflection of u. Nice happy people dont do that. Tag everyone or no one. She is making herself look like a total mean girl to anyone with half a brain. Like previous post said focus on u and who u like. I would be hurt to. But from an outsider looking in; it's obvious she is making herself look silly not u. Pretend not to notice being tagged. At the end of the day who really cares. Your happiness does not depend on her tagging u and if it does ditch fb. It will make u happier.

Sparklesocks · 12/10/2019 00:43

It’s funny how stuff like this can transport us to our school days even when they are long gone. I understand why you’re upset, is it worth asking her about it directly?

Advicewel · 12/10/2019 00:53

Maybe she isn't your friend, maybe one of those nosy people ego just look at your profile and scrunch their nose up at everything you type... So keep typing and let it annoy her.. Think of it if she has to use memes she's got no thoughts of her own, just steals other people's instead..

Hecateh · 12/10/2019 01:05

If you want to be on the same level - find a suitable meme and tag her - no-one else - and repeat as often as necessary

if not - ignore and detach

BoomBoomsCousin · 12/10/2019 01:06

I have no problems at all on facebook, it brings me nothing but good vibes. I often look a bit askance at the research suggesting social media might be bad for people's mental health. I was wondering what on earth was going on that I was missing and then I spoke with a friend who had just left all social media and I realized that the thing I did that many people don't seem to is I only have actual friends - that is, people who like me and whom I like - on my social media. I assume good faith about all the posts I see and that faith is born out because these people are actually my friends. I only have about 40 people on facebook but there are almost none I wouldn't be comfortable letting stay in my house while I was away or whom I would be annoyed if they called me in the middle of the night because they'd locked themselves out of the house or something.

If this "friend" is the only thing making you want to give up FB don't leave, unfollow her and block her. Then get on with being social with the people who are actually your friends.

thecabbageassasin · 12/10/2019 01:35

Giving her the benefit of doubt, do the other friends she tags engage more with the memes and Facebook in general than you and that’s why she’s not bothering / forgetting to tag you.

RueCambon · 12/10/2019 01:47

Exclusion from a group HURTS.

It's been done to me and I was reading up on it like a maniac trying to make sense of it and the best explanation I could find was that people without a strong sense of themself try to define themself by what the group is 'not'.

So if she sees her identity as being really young and fashionable, or really outgoing and sociable or really into fitness, and you are none of those things in her eyes then her identity is so fragile that she needs to shore up the group as she sees it in her eyes. OR, she has no confidence that a fluid undefined group that could evolve naturally could continue to include her, so she is ringfencing herself in to a defined group, as defined by her.

I'd call her out again on facebook really nicely. ''You keep forgetting me''. Let others see. But be really nice about it.

BillHadersNewWife · 12/10/2019 02:13

people without a strong sense of themself try to define themself by what the group is 'not'.

Ah! Thank you Rue

slashlover · 12/10/2019 04:53

How do you know it's deliberate?

EmpressLesbianInChair · 12/10/2019 05:06

Unfortunately a lot of women never grow up from high school

And these are girls so maybe not long out of school? The friend does sound childish although she might just be scatty.

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