Boys will be boys!

[thiscouldbethehill]

What I mean by this is the general attitude that boys will naturally be rough and boisterous and also that getting in fights or intentionally hurting another child is not only to be expected but in some cases actively encouraged.

This attitude is prevalent where I live, I even heard it from my sons teacher today! My DS is in primary school.

AIBU to ask how common this attitude is in your area? Do you agree that boys will be boys?

They should rebrand it "has a dick, is a dick" - this mentality would soon fall out of favour!

Depressing and disturbing that you heard this from a teacher's lips.

Have you asked your child's school their take on the gender-neutral classroom? If children were encouraged to be themselves instead of conforming to proscriptive gender stereotypes we might have happier children enjoying better mental health!

No it's absolute rubbish. As for stereotypes normally come from somewhere you're right they usually come from ignorance and lack of understanding. We wouldn't allow this to continue if it was a stereotype about an ethnic group so why is it ok in this context? Boys will be boisterous loud and aggressive if you allow and actively encourage this, girls will not climb and sit nicely if that's what you constantly praise and expect of them and this is t just parents it's the whole of society, adverts, media etc. Boys being seen in dinosaur tops climbing in a park, girls in a frilly dress playing with a dolly. Every week at playgroup it's the same, boys running around screaming and parents accepting it, you know they're boys, but if a girl starts running fast it's "be careful you don't hurt yourself" or "that's a bit boisterous come over here" or "come and play with these puzzles" we al do it even if we don't mean to but it isn't right, we allow unacceptable behaviour from boys as squash girls access to active play.

As a parent of 2 boys it really pisses me off when this stereotype is applied, I do not want my boys to grow up thinking it’s ok for them to fight or that it’s expected. The other thing that pisses me off is when people assume that my boys will be rough and full of aggression because they’re boys. The worst time was when my friend’s little girl was telling me that my ‘noisy boys’ weren’t allowed to go to her dance class. She’s got that phrase from somewhere obviously, I’m assuming my friend.

I know stereotypes exist for a reason but this is a stereotype that exists because we have encouraged it through the years, we shouldn’t be continuing to do so.

I also hate the phrase.

Yea boys and girls are different. But because people treat boys and girls differently, it's impossible to tell if they are acting differently because they are genetically pre disposed to it, or if they are acting differently because they are expected to.

I would guess, like most things, the true answer is somewhere in the middle. Boys probably have a bit more energy but when adults laugh indulgently when they run around screaming and fighting but frown and tut when the girls do, it's not a surprise that the differences are amplified.

From when kids are babies, girls are bought 'quiet' toys like dolls and dress up princess and bunnies and colouring sets and boys are bought toy drills and lego. People say 'oh he's handsome, he's going to be a heartbreaker' and 'shes pretty, you'll have to lock her up and keep her away from boys til shes 18'. Girls wear impractical clothes eg t bar shoes, dresses to school where they cant play as boisterously. It's a constant drip drip drip of girls are quiet and nice and boys are noisy and aggressive.

And that's what makes it so hard to fight against as if you brought it up, people can always argue that boys arent the same as girls and it's just a phrase. And on it's own it is just a tiny phrase but when it's part of a million phrases all saying the same thing then it cant not have an effect

And I worry that it can excuse bad behaviour. And I expect the people that say 'boys will be boys' are the same people who say 'what do you expect- hes a man' when someone complains that their husband doesnt ever get up with the kids in the night when they're ill, or 'men don't notice these things in the same way' when someone complains their male partner doesnt do any housework because they 'don't know how / dont realise it needs doing'. Like the mere fact they have a penis means they have completely different standards of acceptable behaviour, and certain tasks are beneath them.

I'll concede the point that "boys will be boys pushes a view that excuses poor behaviour". What I dislike is the idea that things which are considered traditionally male are seen as negative and something to be stopped.

What's wrong with kids pushing each other around, throwing pine cones at each other and laughing at farting?

Some of my happiest memories are me and my dad play fighting, writing our names in burning barbecue fluid, seeing if we could put out a fire by peeing on it.

There's also quite a lot of pre-teen energy to get rid off and if we're honest not all of it is going to be in the form of organised activities. As year 7/8/9 we had a great game where you'd get a group of people throw a penny in the air and fight over it once it landed. It's the same energy and sense of fun and camaraderie that I found in mosh pits when I was older

I normally hear ‘boys will be boys’ being referred to endearing behaviour. I don’t often hear it as an excuse for bad behaviour
I usually what it when one boy is being aggressive and violent. And the boy he is bullying is suffering. Then an adult says "boys will be boys" to excuse the bulls behaviour and not having to disapline.
I understand the origin but never heared it being use din any type of positive context.

I hate this saying. DS' Head of year said it to me when I complained about DS being grabbed by the neck and thrown to the ground.

He got the full feminist rant that day, plus I complained to his boss (a woman) who thankfully realised what a load of bullshit that was.

I hate this phrase because people often assume boys will be harder work than girls. It really pisses me off when I say all my dc are boys and I get comments such as ‘that much be harder work’ or even worse looks of sympathy. I also get a similar response when I say I teach in a boys school!
No offence to girls but I wouldn’t have it any other way. As a mum of multiple boys and a teacher of hundreds of boys I can safely say that there is a lot variation between them in personality / interests / behaviour as I am sure there would also be in an all girls environment.
I also completely favour single sex education. It worked for me, my dh and currently my own boys.

I’ve never heard the phrase as an excuse for boys being naughty, especially not in my boys’ school where I am pleased to say the students are treated as individuals not collectively as ‘boys’ - one fo the reasons my own dc are educated in boys’ schools.

I’m sure it does happen sometimes and I’m not disputing the op but it’s also a bit of a MN urban myth that boys get away with murder because ‘boys will be boys’.