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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby napping on me

45 replies

Marie2815 · 11/10/2019 12:23

My daughter is 13 weeks old. She’s never liked sleeping alone so we co sleep at night (safely) and during the day she either naps on me or falls asleep in the carrier. This is fine with me but just wondering if other people had babies that naturally progressed to napping without being held or do I need to start putting her down more? I do occasionally try to but she wakes immediately, or after 15 minutes if I’m lucky. I’m only concerned as I’m going back to work when she’s 9 months old and she won’t be able to be cuddled all the time. Thanks!

OP posts:

AlpacaGoodnight · 11/10/2019 13:56

Mine napped on me until about 8 months then she went down in her pushchair then at about 1 in her cot (to be honest I didn't try before then as I loved her napping in me!). At night she has always been a dream, gets whingey to go to bad at 6pm, put her to bed in her cot and she goes in happily and lies down to sleep. I wake her up in time for the school run the next morning!

SantaIsReal · 11/10/2019 13:59

My first son was like this. He's 3 now and had no trouble with the transition. My LG who is 10 months is not a cuddler like him and I miss it! I loved lazing on the couch with him sleeping on my chest watching bad daytime TV!

PixieDustt · 11/10/2019 14:04

My DS who's 13 weeks also does this.
I love it as I know he won't want to do it for much longer 😩

MissPepper8 · 11/10/2019 14:04

It's lovely, I enjoyed it but now I've made a rod for my own back.. So I would suggest trying to put her down in her crib.

DS is 28months, he will not nap in the afternoon unless he is lying on me. He's quite heavy and i'm pregnant, I don't know what to do with him, it's hard bloody work. He won't even nap with DH however he will at night goto bed on his own lovely and no problems.

Have you got a soother toy? Like Ewan or Myhummy? I found this really helpful for DS ever since he was born he's had one at night. They've both got heartbeat sounds, I think this is what DS loves about lying on me but he gets that with his toy at night.

HumptyDumptyHadAGreatFall · 11/10/2019 14:06

My first baby was like this. Would never be put down until she was crawling and then seemed more contended generally, she'd sleep in her own cot (we did keep trying at bedtime and every night even if we had to pick her straight away). She always napped on me or in the pushchair during the day though, very rarely transferred during the day for some reason.

Mintypea5 · 11/10/2019 14:07

My DS2 was like this. He transitioned to alone naps when he was ready and became very good at self settling. Everyone who told me o was creating a rod for my own back etc was wrong

InDubiousBattle · 11/10/2019 14:12

My first would nap in his buggy or on me for 7/8 months or so. I used to get a mug of tea and a snack and watched House in its entirety in this time! I moved him to his cot for naps because his night time sleep became terrible and we thought it would help (which it did), it did take a lot of back rubbing/bump patting/re settling. Still wouldn't have changed it though.

Thegracefuloctopus · 11/10/2019 14:17

Just before I went back to work when DS was 9 months I managed to get him to nap in his cot. He was fine until he was really unwell a few weeks ago and he hasn't been happy to nap on his own when he's with me since. He's gone back to cuddle naps. Self settles at nursery though, so I think he misses me. I'm not bothered about it to be honest, he won't be like this forever and is fine at night.
Like pp said, it's only an issue if it's an issue for you. If not, revel in it. I know I do (netflix helps me during naps!)

MamaEstrela · 16/10/2019 16:38

My ds is 9 weeks old and he will only nap on me during the day. Every time I try to put him down he will wake up after a few minutes. Unless we're out then he will nap in the pram or sling or car seat. At night we co-sleep and sometimes he will go on the next to me crib for his first hours of sleep. I don't worry at all, I think eventually he will grow out of it and obviously I have and will try slowly to get him to sleep on his cot / crib more and more. I enjoy the cuddles!! But it really annoys me when people are over and say that it's wrong and he should be put down even if he crying his head out!

Dryshampooagaintoday · 29/12/2019 22:00

My LO will exclusively sleep on someone, let it be on my chest or on my arm. It my sound awful but I’m desperate and pleading for the day he sleeps/naps without being held!

Sayhellotothethings · 29/12/2019 22:18

I'll be honest, the people that I know that have done this have been struggling to get their children to sleep alone at age 2/3 because they never got them used to it as babies.
I think as tinty babies, fine, but as they get older (and generally need more entertainment through the day/don't nap as much) you will probably really appreciate it come 7pm if they can be put down awake and drift off to sleep.

CluelessNewMama · 29/12/2019 22:19

I think this is very normal at 13 weeks for them to want to be so close to you so I wouldn’t be overly worried.

I think it’s good to build it up gradually rather than trying to change everything at once. I started by putting DD into the next to me at the start of the night then cosleeping after she woke up if she refused to go back in, she gradually just got used to being put back in there. Then at around 4 months I started putting her in there for naps, which she gradually got used to after a few weeks. She’s now transitioned into her own room (just turned 6 months). I also stopped feeding to sleep but still rock her to sleep before putting her down so the next step will be to try to help her to self settle. But I think taking it slowly and gradually building up her independence has stopped it from being too stressful for either of us.

Sayhellotothethings · 29/12/2019 22:19

I'll ask that I don't agree with putting down screaming babies for them to cry it out, if a baby cries I am back with them!
But I don't think there's any harm in getting them used to falling sleep in a cot or crib with some patting and shhing, then transitioning to just needing to be put down.

Sayhellotothethings · 29/12/2019 22:20

Meant to say add

Dryshampooagaintoday · 29/12/2019 22:36

@Sayhellotothethings The idea of being able to just sush is pat until LO is calm and sleeps again sounds amazing, but if they won’t/can’t be calmed down and cries until he’s purple whilst you’re shushing at him at every 2 minute interval does nothing for either of us. Never mind the consequences at age 2-3. I don’t mean to be blunt but it’s easier for an onlooker to give suggestions and tell us of consequences to a non exhausted parent

Sayhellotothethings · 29/12/2019 23:49

@Dryshampooagaintoday

I'm hardly an onlooker, I have a baby myself and we have good bedtimes and bad ones. How can you say I'm not exhausted, you should have seen the state of me 2 weeks ago whilst we had a tooth pushing through and baby was also ill.
There are days where she will self settle and days where she will not. The OP asked about letting baby nap on them for every nap. My opinion is that if you fall asleep with baby forever, the older they get, you may have to do it forever.
If you read my 2nd post you will see I said I do not advocate letting a scream while you just pat it's tummy and shh it.
If there is an opportunity to transition to a bit of self settling when it will not destress baby then there is no harm in doing that.

Just a reminder if the OPs original question:
This is fine with me but just wondering if other people had babies that naturally progressed to napping without being held or do I need to start putting her down more?

She hasn't actually said if the baby cries, she just said she wakes up. That could be a short nap for all we know.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 30/12/2019 00:05

People told me I would make a rod for my own back letting DS nap on me and carrying him everywhere in a sling. He's a year old now and in his cot in his room, I miss him... Sometimes he comes in for snuggles when he's poorly or cutting a new tooth. He also goes to nursery and naps there, he has slept at my parents' with no issues. People always comment on what a happy soul he is.

Keep her close she's only tiny still. I've never let him cry, never had to pat and shush, never done disappearing chair etc. If he wants to come in with us he can, he goes to bed every night in his own room. The one concession I make is one of us strokes his hair or sings to him until he sleeps, this takes between five and ten minutes tops, some people don't want to do that, I'm happy to.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 30/12/2019 00:13

My first was the same. Gradually at night once he was in a deep sleep (about 20 minutes after dropping off) I was able to transfer him to his crib. He'd then sleep there a few hours and come in to our bed once he woke again. He got there in the end with sleeping. I definitely don't regret all the cuddles - great for development, he got great sleep and felt safe and I enjoyed it too. Those early weeks go by so quickly.

Original poster

Marie2815 · 30/12/2019 10:01

So...my baby is now 25 weeks and I still let her take all her naps on me! I’ve decided I love it and life’s too short to worry about cuddles. In fact I think I’ll really miss it when she wants to sleep alone, even if she is 5 haha

OP posts:

maddening · 30/12/2019 10:21

I got through so many box sets this way 😁 as long as I prepped and had everything to hand it was a good way to nap my velcro baby - he is now nearly 9 and no longer naps on me.

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