Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Should I stay in this job ?

23 replies

French8312 · 11/10/2019 11:45

Ive been a teaching assistant for about a year. I'm a qualified teacher and I work in the special needs department of my school here.
I do really like the school, staff and pupils but I am not finding my role stimulating any more. Aside from this, I have almost a 3-hour commute overall every day.
I have been offered an interview for a Cover Supervisor role within walking distance of my home.
It's a similar wage but for less hours, and a more varied role.
I have been really hesitant about the whole thing, and feel terribly guilty.
Last year I was on a fixed-term contract and because of the school's financial difficulties it was not renewed. However after 2 months, my colleague left and I was able to take over his permanent role.
I asked my line manager for a day of leave for this interview.
She was absolutely furious about me looking for another job. She said that it was not fair on the kids, that she had put her back on the line for me last year and that they needed someone committed, that she was really annoyed about this and that it was really unfair of me.
Honestly I can see where they are coming from and I do feel awful. It's nothing against the school but it's a very long commute.
Im considering cancelling my interview and waiting until july 2020 to leave. What would others do ? Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

French8312 · 11/10/2019 11:47

I forgot to add, this cover supervisor role would be starting at Xmas. As support staff, I have a 1-month notice period. I do care about the kids and I would miss them. But I know they would find another suitable and experienced TA and the kids would be in good hands.

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/10/2019 11:56

Go to the interview. A 3 hour commute for a job that doesn’t really meet your needs is not great.
I understand why you feel torn but you are likely to start to get fed up before too long and that will also affect your work.

fancytea · 11/10/2019 11:58

Ideally you wouldn't have told your manager the reason for the leave; she doesn't need to know, and if you needed to justify short notice you could have just said something mundane like an appointment at the bank, an impromptu family reunion, etc.

However, I think she's unprofessional for reacting the way she did. A job is a mutually beneficial contract and you have no obligation to continue working there if it no longer fits your needs, just as they have no obligation to continue employing you if you no longer fit theirs. I'd stop feeling guilty about this; as long as your work is good and you work through your notice period, you're morally in the clear.

You could say something like, "I admit I was surprised by your reaction yesterday. I just wanted to make clear that I appreciate your support here and I enjoy the work. The reason why I accepted the interview was just because of location, and it's nothing personal. I am still completely committed to doing a great job while I work here."

Lifeisabeach09 · 11/10/2019 11:59

You are not obliged to stay in your current role. Do not let your side manager guilt-trip you. I don't see how she put herself on the line for you--you stepped into a role that someone else had vacated after having been there a few months as a temp. Sounds like you did them a favour!!

I suggest you go for the interview. The new job sounds better for your quality of life.

Lifeisabeach09 · 11/10/2019 12:00

*line manager

Original poster

French8312 · 11/10/2019 12:03

Thanks for the replies. Last year it was fantastic. However there are classes this year in which I do little more than hand things out/tidy away, occasionally help kids with a question and sit and listen to the teacher. Last year my support was a lot more 'hands-on'.
I do my job well I believe and would not want to leave the staff or kids in the lurch in any shape or form. I would give them more than a month's notice if possible.
I agree her reaction was not professional. I've had this in a previous role abroad too.
I will need to decide by the end of today I suppose. Thanks

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 11/10/2019 12:08

Believe me, if she found a more suitable job for herself, she wouldn't be taking anyone else into account.

Go for the interview.

Brefugee · 11/10/2019 12:10

Well your biggest mistake was to say why you wanted the day off.
But it is what it is.

Take the new job. Same money, less commute? that would do it for me.

If the kids are in the lurch it's not down to you, it will be down to your replacement or lack of and how that is handled.

You don't have to stay in any job if you don't want to.

WhoAmIToTellYou · 11/10/2019 12:21

Don’t cancel the interview. You are not forever indebted to your line manager whatever she did.
Walking distance as opposed to 3 hour commute sounds like a dream. Go for it.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 11/10/2019 12:21

I disagree with those who say the OP shouldn’t have told the line manager why she wanted a day off. It’s different in schools because you aren’t able to take a day’s leave when you want, during term time.

You have to put your line manager as a referee in any case and it might have been an idea to talk to him or her about the commute before.

I would be wary of a cover supervisor job, unless your behaviour is very strong. Which it may well be if you have experience as a teacher. Ultimately you have to do what is best for you and your family. Go for the interview. You’ll get a feel for the school and the job and you can make an informed decision if it’s offered to you.

Minioooons · 11/10/2019 12:26

absolutely no brainer to go for the other job. why would you put yourself through a horrid 3 hour commute when you are handed a much better offer. her reaction tells you all you need to know.

koshkat · 11/10/2019 12:29

OP leave and do not look back. Good luck!

Original poster

French8312 · 11/10/2019 12:53

Thanks for the replies. Yes I had to put her as a reference so she would have been aware of the interview in any case.
I didn't know what else I could put, I didn't want to lie and say family reason etc and we have to give a specific reason.
I will need to decide by today but everyone on here, friends and family have said go to the interview.
I have a colleague leaving next month as she's pregnant. She announced it in September, and I can hardly imagine them berating her for leaving before July and implying she's selfish as it was (I suppose) for falling pregnant in the middle of the year.

OP posts:

Original poster

French8312 · 11/10/2019 16:58

She's softened now and said if that's what i want to do then i should, but she doesn't want me to leave etc.

OP posts:

WowOoo · 11/10/2019 17:05

Go for it. Try to have a 'nice chat' with your referees and tell them you love the job but it's just the commute, work/life balance etc. !
They clearly like you and want you to stay. Good luck.

SoreThroatToday · 11/10/2019 17:09

Don't cancel the interview! And leave if you want to.it is your choice and if you want to leave, that is absolutely fine!

However, for next time,the unwritten rule in the world of jobs is that you do not mention anything at all about leaving until after you have been offered, and accepted, a new post. You then hand in your notice.

SoreThroatToday · 11/10/2019 17:10

Re: references, in most cases these are not taken up til you've been offered the post ...

WowOoo · 11/10/2019 17:15

But she needs a day off for an interview and has been honest.
I've done the same. I'd hate pretending to be ill but then handing notice in when I get a new job. I know lots of people do it.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 11/10/2019 17:30

SoreThroatToday in schools references are always requested before interview.

Hecateh · 11/10/2019 19:10

If your colleague hadn't left just after your contract finished, you would have been out.

She may have regretted you going but she wouldn't have been able done anything about it.

You have to look after your own career. If further cuts were needed she wouldn't be able to save you.

Original poster

French8312 · 11/10/2019 19:34

Thanks for the replies. Youre right in that I was only kept initially because of my colleague going, but eventually they readvertised for more TAs.
I overheard her saying today that she is struggling due to there not being many TAs (she's the SENCO) and I know that isnt my fault or problem but still dont want to leave them in a difficult position.
But for the future I will not let an employer guilt trip me because I am within my rights to leave a job.

OP posts:

Skysblue · 11/10/2019 19:59

The school job hunting system is so hard! All you can really do is suck up to her and try to smooth it over. Def don’t cancel the interview.

Brefugee · 13/10/2019 12:01

if they want to keep you, basically, they're going to have to make you a better offer. For me the kicker isn't actually where you work now but the commute.
I used to commute at least 3 hours a day, and switched to 10 minutes (by bike). The difference in my quality of life was amazing.

Flip