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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have finished with dp?

22 replies

Marona · 11/10/2019 10:49

Things have got miserable with dp of a year. We don’t live together. He has one small dc who he has four nights a week. He’s a very hands on dad. The main problem was that his ex was very persistent in texting dp almost constantly from first thing to very late at night. She also still walks all over him, hanging up on him when she doesn’t get her own way and dictating how he raises their dd. I understand the need to keep in contact because of the dd but this was constant. Until very recently he hasn’t done anything about this. He has recently spoken to her about it and she seemed to go quiet. The thing is that the way he has treated me has really affected me. I have felt so uncared for. He hid me from anyone for the first four months which even meant us not being able to go into his local town centre incase we bumped into her ex, who has a dp of her own (other man she left him for).

Anyway, he also never tells me he loves me (he’s said it once), never pays me a compliment and he’s never paid for anything for me. He also talks non stop about himself, his life and interrupts me if I talk.

All this and I’ve finally had enough. I have finished with him. It’s so hard though, all I want is him back, but so so tired of not feeling appreciated. So tired from it all.

OP posts:
Andysbestadventure · 11/10/2019 10:54

He doesn't want you. Move on.

Novembersbean · 11/10/2019 10:57

Yes you are definitely right to have finished it. He has a lot of baggage as it is and doesn't even redeem himself by treating you well. If you stayed with him you would have a lifetime of dealing with the fallout of the child he has, eventually have to take on the constant and frequently trying and thankless challenge of being a step mum if it worked out. Only a very strong relationship would be worth that.

Hidingtonothing · 11/10/2019 10:58

Why on earth would you want him back?!! He made you feel unloved and unappreciated and I can totally see why. You've dodged a bullet OP, even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you're free now to find someone who treats you as you deserve to be treated, with love and respect Flowers

RolyRolyRolyPoly · 11/10/2019 11:00

You've made the right decision. Luckily you have no DCs between you to keep you stuck to each other. Move on and be happy.

Whattodoabout · 11/10/2019 11:00

I don’t think he was over his ex. You definitely did the right thing.

HollowTalk · 11/10/2019 11:01

Anyway, he also never tells me he loves me (he’s said it once), never pays me a compliment and he’s never paid for anything for me. He also talks non stop about himself, his life and interrupts me if I talk.

Read this again and have a good think about why you want him back. You were lucky to get rid of him, IMO.

balonzz · 11/10/2019 11:01

I agree with the others: get rid.

Chickychoccyegg · 11/10/2019 11:03

He sounds like he had too much baggage, or maybe just a rubbish boyfriend, or not that in to you, either way you're better off without him, you'll go on to meet someone who treats you well

BIWI · 11/10/2019 11:05

What was his reaction when you dumped him? What did he say? That's probably very telling!

Marona · 11/10/2019 11:05

Thanks for your replies. I forgot the say that the final nail in the coffin was that the other day we were discussing the past and I said about the way his ex texting constantly and interfering in life really affected me (it affected me emotionally and my mental health - it was like she was actually in our relationship as a third person and his inability to deal with it) and he said that it should’ve have affected me. I knew then that I couldn’t go on with this man.

OP posts:
midnightmisssuki · 11/10/2019 11:06

he doesnt want you - not over his ex. Good luck OP, it will get easier.

AmIThough · 11/10/2019 11:09

You did the right thing. You know you did.

Marona · 11/10/2019 11:15

Sorry my post above should’ve said that he said the issues we had with this his ex shouldn’t have affected me.

OP posts:
underground76 · 11/10/2019 23:07

I'm amazed you stuck it out for a year, to be honest.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/10/2019 23:09

The biggest mistake you've made is waiting this long to dump him. It's time to raise your standards.

timshelthechoice · 11/10/2019 23:10

You deserve better than this.

TheGirlWithTheFeatherTat · 11/10/2019 23:11

Well done OP. One day you will look back and wonder what you saw in him. You'll be fine

Marona · 13/10/2019 14:14

Thanks for all your replies. He is just so pathetic. It’s so hard leaving someone though. I was watching a programme this morning and the way the man looked at his girlfriend...I want that so much, but he would never look at me like that.

OP posts:
ellendegeneres · 13/10/2019 14:18

marona then surely you know you’ve done the right thing?
My now dp adores me, will do anything for me, tells me he loves me all the time and I’ve never had someone like this. Previous relationships were as you’ve described yours with your ex and you will find that whilst being single again isn’t fun, it is a lot better than questioning yourself, how you feel about him and knowing you feel more for him.

Tbh he sounds like a selfish self obsessed twat, and you’re well better off without

BumbleBeee69 · 13/10/2019 14:40

Mr Right is out there OP.. this clown is not worthy of you.. do not look back Flowers

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 13/10/2019 15:00

I was in a very similar relationship / similar set up / behaviour. I used to go to stay at his at the weekend really excited about spending time together, but always came back from staying at his utterly miserable. Sometime crying. The relationship was so one sided.

I loved him, but ended it after six months. He couldn't understand why I ended it either. Hmm

Best decision I ever made. Met my now DP three months later and five years on we're happier than ever.

You made the right decision. Flowers

BasilGump · 13/10/2019 16:02

Tbh you have a good enough reason for finishing it just from him talking only about himself alone. Sounds boring as hell. I'm SM to 4, DH and I have a rock solid, understanding and wonderful relationship. You have to to weather the storms. Definitely done the right thing. Don't let him talk you around.

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