AIBU to let anxiety ‘win’?

[SandunesAndRainclouds]

I’ve gone back to work this week after years as a SAHM. Completed a course at the beginning of the year which meant I could return to my career. All good.

Except anxiety is through the roof, near panic attacks but managing to control it so it doesn’t go into full blown attack. Sleeping but waking up in a cold sweat. Tearful.

It’s no way to live is it. But if I quit now, before I’ve even really got started l, anxiety wins. I just don’t feel strong enough to get through this bit into (hopefully) settling in at work and finding some confidence.

I seriously hate feeling like this.

I'm sorry it's so bad and making you doubt yourself. Have you been to your gp? There is help available and medication to help you manage your anxiety.

You deserve to feel well and happy. I hope you find the help you need.

I know how you feel I’ve suffered anxiety before going back to work after a break, everything felt alien. And now I’ve just started a new professional role and my anxiety is through the roof, I’m worried I joke too much with colleagues and come across as an idiot, I’m worried I don’t know enough etc etc
However, I’m having some really good days at work now before I get a bit of anxiety again so I’m hoping that in a few months it will settle and I’ll feel better.
Someone told me that fear never stands up to experience and I think that’s true. If you start you might begin to feel better

I think I knew when I felt ready to go back. DD was 3. It wasn’t all rosy and I had many a day when I’d come home and regret it or have panic attacks but I had a full on job and once I started, it was hard to stop woth nursery fees so I pushed through and the results were huge.

In general I have less anxiety, even the stuff that keeps you up at night. My triggers are lessening. I’m genuinely happier.

I think you’ll know when you’re ready and you shouldn’t push it when you know you’re not but you should have CBT or such to give you the tools to help get you there.

Thank you.

I spoke to my manager today and she’s really supportive so I’ve got a phased induction planned which hopefully will help.

Unfortunately I can’t take most of the anxiety medications but manage it usually with coping strategies and diet. Two days off now to hide in my safe space and prepare for next week.

Read Paul David's At last a life.
Really turned my life around when I was consumed with anxiety and panic.

You don't have to live feeling anxious - could you speak to your GP for support? Or is there support through work? Therapy really helped me manage and reduce mine, which I had always thought would be impossible. I'm sorry you're struggling. Be honest with your DP and friends, talk about it.

I've not much to add except I had crippling anxiety for over 3 years and thought my life was over. But management (including medication) worked and now I can't believe I was ever that bad. It will get better - change is always going to be a trigger but I honestly think you will start to feel better as you bed in. Good luck.

I’ve already had counselling and generally manage it really well. Going back to work has been exceptionally hard... compounded with being very tired, feeling guilty for the change in DC’s routines and a difficult anniversary approaching it’s biting harder than usual.

And I’ve faced it, got through the day and will be back at work next week - so anxiety hasn’t won after all, eh?!

It helps me to not think of myself as battling with my anxiety or fighting with it. I view it as a war in itself that is going on inside my head, a kind of attack on myself 'I'm not good enough, no one needs me here, I should leave' etc. I don't have the energy to fight it anymore, for me, compassion and love towards myself is the only way forward.

@SandunesAndRainclouds you’re doing amazing. It’s a massive achievement for someone suffering severe anxiety to return to work. I know how exhausting and debilitating it can be - I’ve just returned after M/L and feel just like you.

As a PP said, try not to view it as a battle. Don’t be alarmed by these feelings, instead welcome your anxiety! I know that sounds mad but by trying to push the feelings away, you’re just pouring more fuel on the fire. Let it be there and get on with your job regardless. Wishing you all the best

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

I do normally manage it quite well... I talk to the little gremlin, acknowledge the feelings and can usually positively think it away but last night caught me unaware and I didn’t cope as well as I should or can. The difficult anniversary isn’t making anything easy at the moment and I know that I have to be kind to myself and let this pass. Sometimes easier said than done!

Not even two weeks in and I want to hide. I’ve had a day off today and felt the anxiety lift until about 6pm and it feels like the worst Monday blues ever.

I definitely didn’t feel this bad about working before. Maybe I have actually just made a huge mistake and bitten off more than I can chew....

Oh bless you, I get really anxious when there are big changes in my life. Starting a new job is stressful to anyone, let alone with everything else.

Could you give yourself a date to work towards e.g. get to 2 months, then see how you feel?

I did let the anxiety win and ended a work contract recently. I felt a big sense of relief at first but now I’m anxious about what to do next/when to look for work/what type of work. Dammed if we do, dammed if we don’t.

*damned, obviously. See - brain is mush!

I'm recovering from PTSD and there's 3 things I've found really helpful with anxiety;
antidepressants (not paroxetine hydrochloride)
magnesium supplement.
breathing exercises.

I know the breathing exercises sound naff but you'll just have to trust me, they calm your vagus nerve which doesn't have an ''off switch''. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, work towards being able to count to 5 slowly. Practice when you are calm.

Unfortunately I’ve had a reaction to SSRIs and have low blood pressure so can’t have most if not all of the anxiety meds. I had made some good dietary changes to regulate serotonin but now I am struggling to eat at all...

I like square breathing that works well most of the time. Nothing seems to work when that overwhelming fear and feeling like I’m about to pass out hits.

It sucks.

Have you tried herbal calming pills? they usually contain valerian root so are fairly effective. I can't eat at all when I'm anxious, I have to drink home made fortified soup and yoghurt instead.
I think that anxiety is like insomnia; it will pass when its good and ready, and until then we just have to manage as best we can.

Maybe there's some other medications that could help even if short term option.

Getting enough sleep makes a huge difference to my anxiety levels & ability to cope, which isn't easy as stress increases the insomnia. However accepting that some situations especially socialising takes up loads of energy & may need much more rest to recuperate isn't being lazy.

I find reducing the pressure I put on myself helps, give myself permission to leave anytime, not forced to stay. Then I'm more likely to not get in such a state beforehand & give it a try. If I can do this although probably still have some anxiety often surprise myself by sticking something out. Its building confidence and making something routine help takes away the fear.

We tend to focus on our perceived failures not celebrate each & every time we've achieved, however small or insignificant it may appear to those without anxiety.

Well done for getting this far with it! Another vote for Valerian here. Having had panic attacks on and off for 30 years, at their worst, I find moving helps - any vigorous movement - stamping up and down and being angry can work off some of the adrenalin. I stop eating when I am very anxious too.

@SandunesAndRainclouds I'm sorry to hear you're struggling but you do seem to have a good handle on how to help yourself through this. I've only recently started to have problems with anxiety (have had a bit of time off work - dreading going back - and doctor assistance). I'm really interested to hear you say you have adjusted your diet to help with seratonin... can you tell me about this, please, or where to look for advice?

Wishing you well.

@ThingDoer it’s based on the principle that serotonin is synthesised in the big muscles so it’s basically high protein and low carb. I’ve noticed a massive improvement in mood if I cut out processed carbs - things like white bread, chips etc and eat only naturally occurring carbs. I don’t know if it’s a placebo or not, but whatever works in my books!!

Livestrong has quite a lot on serotonin / mood and helping your mental health with dietary changes.

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Currently trying to ride the storm, but finding it difficult and exhausting.

Although I now can’t find the muscle link to serotonin!