Kissing friends

[OhWhatACarveUp]

Ok, it's not a thread about infidelity as the title might suggest.

I've been living in France for five years. This weekend I was back at home at met a group of friends, friends I've known for decades. As soon as I turned up, I started kissing people as a greeting, and quite frankly my friends were taken aback. I'm male if it helps. My friends and I come from a fairly ordinary (what I'd say as lower middle class background).

My AIBU is AIBU to kiss old friends like this?

Is it normal to kiss old friends? It's definitely not an affectation, but I do wonder if it's either a class thing (not to) or a French thing (to kiss). Do men kiss women as a greeting in your group of friends?

I'm from a non kissy culture from northern Europe. I was taken aback by how often Brits kiss (one cheek). And I have not noticed it being a class thing. Seems more regional and person dependent. I also know that I feel awkward about it cause it is unclear who will do it. Once it has happened and I know the person is a kisser then it's fine.

Your op make it sound like that now that you've been in France for 5 years you are confused why your British friends that you have not been kissing before are feeling a bit odd.

I’ve lived in France. I’m surprised you struggle with the differentiating between the cultures.

My dh is french. I find all the kissing very tedious. It was ok in the beginning but over the years, just wow! With some in his family it’s 4 ffs. I made it clear... eventually to fil that I would not be kissing him morning and night, which was expected in the beginning. Dh thought that was rude. I find it equally rude to trash my boundaries tbh.

Dd has not been made to faire la bise. I have seen first hand how some children are forced to do so. I totally disagree with this.

Top tip. Don’t force others to kiss you.

It's the norm in my social circle in London (all classes) and has been since I can remember (the 80s). But there are triple kissers, lip kissers, non kissers and everything in between. If your friends weren't kissers 5 years ago, they probably aren't now...

^Lip kissers' - ugh, ugh, ugh

Yes we kiss hello; not so much if we just saw each other yesterday but friends we see every few months it’s normal for us.

I live in France, it’s a bit extreme. Even DS’s teachers greet the pupils and parents with a kiss!

My male friends always kiss for a greeting as do all the men in my family too, just on the cheek with a hug to go with it. Some of my male school friends go in for a lip kiss which I've always found slightly interesting!! Especially after a few drinks and we're all saying goodbye at the end of the night!!

My group of friends (male and female) kiss hello and goodbye. We're all very affectionate though.

Yes, mymalefriends kiss and/or hug me on greeting. So do friend’s partners. Several different friendship groups.
It’s a really neutral thing to do.

I don't see this as a class thing, I have friends from working class to upper middle and everything in between and we all kiss on the cheek to say hello.

I hug and kiss a lot of my friends (males and female). Just one kiss though, not continental style. I have a couple of less tactile friends who i'm less inclined to kiss- and I don't miss people at the school gate, for example.

My friends are generally a middle class group of professionals. A few who came from lower income backgrounds but mostly brought up in middle class/professional families.

Kissing has never been a greeting thing for me from the south-west working class family. It's also not really a thing in Norway, for which I am eternally grateful as I have personal space issues and would not enjoy it at all ;)

I live in Spain and have also got very used to doing this. I went to a client meeting recently with an English client who I know well and kissed her on both cheeks. It then sparked a hilariously awkward scene where everyone felt obliged to kiss everyone else even though they barely knew each other. It was extremely English.

Perfectly normal and acceptable in my social group. DH cheek kisses our female fiends, I kiss their husbands. We're in my sixties. People definitely get kissier as they get older!

I could take it or leave it personally, I'm not very kissy, but it would be seen as standoffish.

It's not you, it's them. But maybe hold back if they don't seem to like it.

I think it can be a bit of a class thing. Some of my posher friends do it. Most others don't. I'm not a fan, and prefer no kissing or hugging tbh.

• haha, friends, not fiends. We steer clear of them!

The only friend who I kiss is one of my wife's who always offers a cheek when we see her. Otherwise it's a no. I don't think it's common in the UK at all.

While I think I was the odd one here, it’s strange that the rules in the UK aren’t very clear. In France it’s (fairly) clear, one kisses. The only complexity is how many kisses. I’m in a three kiss zone

Nobody I know greets people with a kiss, male or female, and I come from a working class background.

The only person to greet me by double kissing my cheek was my MIL's husband, and I thought it was weird and it made me uncomfortable.

Yes very common here in what is almost certainly 'middle England'. Kiss all friends once upon meeting, male n female. Wouldn't necessarily if I bumped into them in town, but certainly if socialising/meeting up. Don't know when it all started tho as was most definitely not brought up to do that!!

Yep pretty frequently here in London although as a greeting only for people I haven’t seen for a while. On departure after a night out it’s more common I would say. I’m certainly not kissing mums at the school gate at drop off. I’m surprised anyone would be surprised at you doing it though if you’ve been in France a while - it’s to be expected.

Another one from not so kissing part of Europe. I personally don’t like kissing and hugs at all and always feel very awkward doing this. I have a few friends who are kissers and they are all from different background. One couple is upper middle class and one is working class from North. Tbh I trust more to non- kissing people. I consider kissing as too emotional, unreasonable attention seeking behavior ( except when it’s a close relative).

I’m in a three kiss zone

Could be worse, you could be in a four kiss zone!

We spend part of the year in a small international community. The kissing conventions are complex. I have to hiss to DH "three kisses for the Belgians" or whatever. The Scandinavians are more reserved..

Could be worse, you could be in a four kiss zone!

Indeed, I count myself lucky

Round here lots of people are kissers/huggers including many men. It's a middle class area of Scotland, good number of people are privately educated but also diverse with lots of EU nationals so take from that what you will. You'd not be found strange round here anyway OP.

I like a hello from a reasonable distance and a hug is acceptable if I have not seen friends for a while which is usually the case. Kissing, no only very close family would get away with that! Depends what you are all comfortable with.