Taking ages to reply to messages

[Cazza17]

Is it unreasonable to expect a reply to a message sooner than 10 days? My friend used to reply really long messages so I just assumed the time delay was because she waited until she had time to do a proper reply as we're long distance but now it's just one sentence replies yet still taking 10 days and sometimes she will even start a conversation then I'll reply the same day then it's a 10 day wait again. Is this wierd?

I feel like she's a really nice person at heart but the couple of times recently we've met up she's looking at her phone when it goes off and replying to people. Is it just me expecting too much? My sister has had similar experiences with people too. I just don't get it. She's the only friend I've got so sometimes I think ah at least she replied at all but as time goes by I'm starting to feel like not bothering to reply at all to her and let the friendship go as I'd rather have nobody than have people who don't even think I'm worth replying to.

Aibu

10 days is a very long time to wait - can you pick up the phone and have a chat instead?

I, up until recently, had a friend like that. Very quick to message when she wanted something but very slow all the other times. I've just let it fizzle out.

I think you know the answer sweetheart

My DSis is a bit like this. She sends me a message and I reply immediately yet I don't hear a further reply for about a week. I think the earliest she has responded is after 3 days. I don't get it either.

To be honest I would ask her what (if anything) the issue is, it's obviously playing on your mind or alternatively stop replying to her and see if she even notices!

So when you meet her she manages to reply to others...

She’s just not that in to you

Afraid I’m pretty bad with my phone and answering messages. Never left it 10 days though, but maybe 2 or 3 days. I’m just one of those people who aren’t glued to their phone. I’m busy with work, and everyday life, so often just forget to check my phone.

I'm a bit like this too - for me it's just forgetfulness/trying to do too many things at once and thinking "I'll reply later" if I'm busy when the message comes through but then not looking at my phone later.

Social anxiety for me. Often it all gets too much and I can’t answer anything without overwhelming thoughts about how I’m coming across, how crap I am, I’m pushy, desperate for answering so soon followed immediately by I’m rude for leaving it so long. Both followed by thoughts of how the person will hate me for being that way. So things go unanswered. You’ll know your friend, but that’s just an example of why sometimes things don’t get answered.

Why do you reply straight away? Wait a bit, a few days. I find it very intimidating when people reply instantly. Puts me off writing anything back.

I’m sorry OP. I’m like this with a couple of people whom I really love but I find their level of expectation fatiguing. Also, for me it’s
Social anxiety
Social exhaustion
and the need to unplug from a society that expects us to ALWAYS be available and switched on.

Sometimes I reply and don't press send. Sometimes I look and think I'll write back later. Then I get distracted. I'm pretty shit to be fair especially when I'm busy.

Ah ok thanks for the advice guys I might go with not replying and see if it's noticed, if not it will naturally fizzle out I'm sure. Obviously I expect too much in life

Xx

She's NOT a friend OP, sorry

I’m a dreadful person who takes days to reply. I’m always on my phone and I see that I’ve been messaged and even with my closest friend I panic about replying to the point I often don’t for days. She’s kind of the same and we both understand each other as far as I am aware. We’re just not all that good at social situations and I love that about her because she understands that I have an odd way of communicating. But I do appreciate her immensely. I don’t think there’s anyone else who would be as close to me. I love that we can go ages without speaking and then just pick up where we left off. That way, if we have a rough patch in life that makes either one of us go off grid, it’s okay and we can give each other space to repair. At the same time, if either one of us needs immediate help, we both know to go to each other.

call her. Have a proper chat. Some people are just not into all communication being via text.

I can take ages to reply sometimes. There are lots of reasons.
I read messages when I'm working in case they need an urgent reply but leave them if it's something that isn't vital and then they slip my mind.
I have ASD and get anxiety about replying. I take a long time making sure that what I have written is socially acceptable and won't be misunderstood or misconstrued (writing on Mumsnet is a slow process too).
Also probably due to my ASD, I sometimes don't consider a reply necessary when other people do.
Sometimes I just find social interaction to hard to deal with at a given moment
I have terrible phone reception at home.

If someone is going to get uppity because I've taken a long time to reply then they aren't much of a friend. It works both ways @BumbleBee69

I would hate if I hadn't texted someone back so they phoned me instead!

Obviously I expect too much in life

That comes across as pretty dramatic/passive aggressive. If you're giving off those vibes to her, even without realising, it might make texting you back a chore.

I can be like this, I usually check my phone in the morning and again when I put the baby to sleep. If a message/missed call is from someone who I actually enjoy/want to talk to then I will find the time to type a quick message back then and/or ring at some point in the next few days. If it is from someone who I really don't like then I just clear it from my notifications bar without even reading the message. If I were you I would consider how much this friend values you being a part of her life it could be that she is genuinely busy or it could be that she just cba.

I wonder if this is a case of having too many eggs in one basket. If she's you're main friend then it's easier to focus on these things. If you can expand your social circle then maybe she'll up her game, maybe it won't seem such a big deal of maybe things with her will naturally fizzle out.

@PetitTorteois

Why do you reply straight away? Wait a bit, a few days.

Eh? Wait a few DAYS (every time) before replying to a text or message?

Why?

I would be kicking to the kerb, any friend of mine who took a few DAYS to respond to a message every time. I mean, do you just look at a message on your phone, and think 'hmmm, it's Monday afternoon; I will wait til Friday morning to answer it?' I mean WTAF?

I don't expect people to drop everything and text me back immediately, but I think expecting a response the same day is reasonable! (Unless it's after 6pm, then anytime the next day is fine.)

I find it very intimidating when people reply instantly. Puts me off writing anything back.

You sound like very hard work. You find it intimidating when someone answers a message quickly?

Maybe they are answering quickly because they've been waiting 4 days for your response from their last message to you!!

@Cazza17 YANBU. I would be kicking this so-called friend to the kerb. Waiting 10 days to text back is a pisstake. Then again, I reckon I would have phoned her 3 or 4 days after not getting an answer back, to see if she's OK/if she got my text.

My friend has always been this way, he’s just rubbish at replying to texts and doesn’t look at his phone very often anyway. He will generally read a message and only remember to respond days later. I have been guilty of it in the past myself.

It’s not a massive deal to me personally but if it’s bothering you, perhaps mention it to her? Or let the friendship fizzle out if it’s that bad.