To feel that everyone is having more sex than me?

[MumMissingOut]

Just that really...I can't remember the last time and I feel like we're the only couple not having it. We have a toddler so our sex life has taken a massive knock. It's not even on the back burner anymore...it has been put back in the fridge!

We still cuddle and hold hands with the odd quick kiss so there's a bit of intimacy still there but that's it. The lack of sex is definitely due to a joint effort (or lack of!) so there's no blame, bitterness or pointing the finger between us.

Please tell me we're not the only couple going through this kind of dry spell!

Toddler here as well. Dh also working away 4-6 days a week so it's pretty much non existent. Can't be bothered anyway at the moment as I'm exhausted from looking after dd solidly!

Well I've been single for years and haven't had sex since I don't know, maybe 8 or 9 years ago...

Also have a toddler and totally get what you're saying. You're definitely not the only ones!

What is your diet like? Are you obese by any chance as that is meant to reduce the sex drive too (meant in the nicest way possible).

(Please don't shoot me)

Are you obese by any chance as that is meant to reduce the sex drive too

Isn't being shattered and touched-out by caring for a toddler enough then? I'm in a similar boat to OP and no I'm bloody well not obese.

i havent had sex in 5 and half years and im not bothered as ive no sex drive(side effect of severe PCOS)

boys are 15 and 9 but need 24 hour care each so we are never alone as there is a adult per child and neither sleep so we are 24 hour carers

due to co sleeping(my choice from birth for both )i haven't been in the same bed as him since 2003 as the 9 y old is still with me

we have been together 19 years and are very happy just dont have a sex life due to circumstances with the boys disabilities

people dont realize how common it is to have a happy relationship with out a sex life,we are both literally my user name

oh and im 38 him 37,been together since teenagers

How about everyone getting ready for bed together, going up together, the bedtime parent does the toddler stuff, the other one sits in bed with tea and erotica a book, until you can have an hour or so together in bed. You might even still have an evening afterwards.

Sex can be shit with young children.

Mine are much older now and I have more sex a week than I used to have a year when they were small.

Hang in there

We still have a good sex life after 14 years of marriage. We have a few children but the youngest is 8.

It's actually more difficult once the children are older. They still exhaust me but now go to bed the same time as us so finding time is difficult.

We rely on quickies, even if not in the mood at least I think it won't last long! I always get into it once we've started. It's always lighthearted and fun.

We initiate sex equally and try and get together at least once a week. The last time we did it - I was in the garage getting some things and he he came to help so we locked the door and spent an extra 10 mins finding the tools I wanted!

I think it's really important to put effort into this area of your life and I'm sure we are closer because of it. The biggest turn on for me is a husband who is supportive and shares responsibility. I make sure he knows this! Him doing housework = more racy sex. 😁

Think you have just got out of the routine. If your child sleeps well then you have every opportunity. Switch the TV off, engage with each other and even if it’s a quickie it doesn’t matter

I’m playing a very tiny violin, OP - I’ve been widowed for nearly 28 years, but when DH was alive we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, baby and toddler notwithstanding!
DH died when the baby was 11 months old, and still in a cot beside our bed. She used to reach through the bars and pat my arm with such a sweet look of sympathetic concern when we were doing the deed, that she used to crack us up laughing.
We never “scheduled it in”. We adored each other, and however knackered we felt, we were always keen once we got to bed. Make the most of your DH while you have him - I lost mine at 35.

Thank you ladies! It's lovely to know that we're not alone. Footballmum that made me laugh! I hadn't thought about the teenage years yet!

Just to answer, no definitely not obese (neither is DH). It's just feeling tired and then putting it off until tomorrow or next weekend but then we get stuck in the same cycle of maybe next time.

I'll get 'sexy time' pencilled into our diary for this weekend and try and make sure we stick to it!

Have you tried no screen time? Can help sometimes to realise what's right in front of you

You're having more than me if that makes you feel better. I have had sex about 5 times this year. Mid 30s, married,2 year old. I'd love to blame it on my toddler but DH has issues.

Makes trying for a second baby laughable and I feel like shit most of the time. Would love a normal sex life. Sadly I've come to realise you can't have everything and this is the cross I have to bare (woah that sounds more dramatic than I meant!)

Are you enjoying the sex that you're having? That's more important, IME, than how much you're having.

You’re definitely not alone. DD is 4 months old and we last had sex when I was 4 months pregnant (9 months ago! ). We have scheduled it in for Saturday, I’m really not that interested but hoping that getting the first one in will kick start my libido again. My husband is deeply unsatisfied with the situation but sleeps in the spare room away from DD and has a lovely undisturbed sleep every night so I’m not feeling too sorry for him. If you and your OH are happy with the situation then what is the issue? I don’t think there is any need to force it. Are there other ways you can maintain closeness/intimacy?

@Babdoc

YABU. Its once every couple of months here, and usually only then because we think we really ought to as its been so long. Have 2 small kids and low libido these days

babdoc there's no need to be nasty! Your tragedy doesn't negate the OPs problems.

Weekend mornings. Week nights forget it. I go to bed before DH anyway. We are about once a week on either a Saturday or a Sunday morning. Although if DH has a hangover that goes out the window.

We have less now we have a house full of teenage DC. I can't relax knowing they're awake and will know full well what we're doing. Can't afford weekends away, and college times means that there is almost always someone home during the day. I sometimes think we will never have sex again

I haven’t had sex in 3 years so you’re having more than me (but then I’m single)