Living with adult child

[xyz1000]

Need some friendly advise please. Sorry for long post!!

I really don’t know how to manage this situation ..... My son who is 22 in a few months come to live with me again 3 months ago. He has been back and fro since completing two years at uni. He left the course as failed second year and didn’t like the what he was studying.
Move forward and he now has been working doing charity collection work for last 2.5 months. In this time his take home pay has been £300. He is gone for 13 hours a day bless him. The company pay a certain amount for their sales on pay day (weekly) then the rest in a bond if client keeps to the donations in 6 months time.

The agreement when he asked to come home 3 months ago was he paid £85 rent per week.
So in this time he hasn’t been able to pay anything and the first couple months I had to lend him £300 for fuel lunch money ect.
I am far from rich! I have been a single Mum since he was 5. This year I managed to buy my flat. My plans was to save to do things to improve he value of the property such as save for a driveway. Which in turn will benefit his long term future.

So what I am asking is what would you do in my situation? I am also aware that he needs to stand in his own two feet as when will this end. Will I still be keeping him when he is 35.

I have talked to him quite a few times and he said that I am trying to make him quit something he enjoys doing. I am not saying that I am saying he needs to find a way to keep to his arraignment which was to pay £85 per week. The last few weeks when he has got his money he hadn’t even said here is £25. I am getting frustrated. My Dad said to chuck him out. By the way he has said he put £2000 last year in a saving account which he can’t get out. My Dad says he could get this out as he could close it down. Also that I should ask him to leave. I am so confused please help!!

Tell your son to stop be so self-absorbed, quit his useless job, and find one that actually pays. Tough shit if he "enjoys" it. Enjoyment doesn't pay the bills. These a grown man and he needs to act like one of he can find other living arrangements.

I think he should certainly be handing up something, and standing on his own two feet as in buying his own food in and that, but 85 a week sounds a little steep for living at home at that age? Maybe I’m a bit too soft though, and to be fair rent in our area isn’t very high and of course it’s up to you what you charge. I wouldn’t chuck him out personally, especially if he isn’t causing trouble and following the house rules. Is he by any chance saving to get his own place with the savings account?if so I wouldn’t want him to empty it at all I’d be actively encouraging him to save as much as possible. I’d rather he get the money up for somewhere as I’m guessing that’s why he moved home to try and save maybe? It all depends on what you need to do really but I wouldn’t necessarily be listening to others saying to chuck him out. You might consider saying it’s not a long term arrangement and he has x amount of time to save before he goes on his own two feet? I am thinking fair play to him for working and doing the long shifts, he sounds like he is trying!

He needs get a proper job. Simple.

Regardless of how little he earns he needs to prioritise paying his keep before anything else. If wants to keep doing that job it should be his sacrifice, not yours.

He is saving for a new car. Even though the one he has is off the road as he can’t afford it.
I based my rent on minimum wage. Which would leave him if working a full time job over around £700 a month. Just he has decided to work this job that’s self employed.

Everyones different...my eldest is living with me at the moment having just finished uni. I am a single parent and since I know he is trying to save money to go and work abroad I do not charge him anything. I just try and budget as best as I can, shop carefully etc.
If you have to charge I think £85 is steep especially given his circumstances. Have a chat and see if he is already applying for better paid work, even bar work would be better.

My ds is also 22 and completed uni in July. He’s not yet found a job at all. Clearly I’m not charging him anything but I definitely notice the cheese and biscuits disappearing!
I agree your dd should be looking for something with a proper wage. Maybe give him a date when you will need to start charging him for food & electricity etc

Thank you all. He has quit of his own accord so hopefully now he can find something that is more suitable.

My son is 21 and doing an apprenticeship on about £18000 p/a I'm not charging him board as we agreed he'd buy and run a decent car rather than running a motorbike through the winter months.. To be honest I wouldn't charge £85 per week whatever his wage..

• nor would I be giving him money over what he brings in - pack up sandwiches cost little!

Tell him to get a proper job. Sounds like he's one of these chuggers

Those talking about getting a proper job make it sound like it can happen just like that. Werll it doesn't perhaps he can sign up with an agency but work can be seasonal, hit and miss, full day one day no work the other. It's not that easy. £85.00 a wk for a part timer is a lot.

Is £85 a week that much? Presumably that includes all bills, food etc? He is after all making a choice to work part time instead of getting a full time job - a choice I’m guessing his mum didn’t have as a single parent! FWIW at 18 (25 years ago) I was earning £5k a year. I had to pay £200 a month to my parents so doesn’t seem that bad to me!

xyz Just wanted to say that it was good up see the update that your son has left that job. It didn't sound like a good opportunity of he was working such long hours. I wish him luck in finding something more suitable. He sounds like a good worker who just needs to find his niche

Lots of temporary seasonal work around now. That would bring in some money while he looked at permanent work.

Hope he finds some suitable work soon, and things become easier for you. But £85 is a lot. I'm surprised you asked your semi-unemployed son to give you that much. Perhaps set a more realistic amount that he has to agree to pay. Is he eligible for any benefits in the meantime while waiting to start a new job? Or is it likely he'll get work quite quickly

the Lowest I would charge is 30% of full-time minimum wage earnings. It’s really not much because in the real world he would be paying around 30% just for rent, plus food, utilities, etc.

Thank you for your feedback. I really can’t understand how having perhaps £650 per month as ‘ pocket money’ is causing difficulties for him. We are rewinding 3 months ago when he had a full time wage . At present I probably have around £150 per month that is ‘pocket money if that”. I could actually be renting the room out. Of course if I felt he would save it for his own place and not be spending it on junk then I may have a different view. Until then I feel the same that it can go towards the property to improve his longer term future.

That is when he starts to earn again!