To think it's difficult to make friends

[redelice]

My husband and I relocated to another (neighbouring) county three years ago.

I really struggle to make friends. I just find it difficult to join already formed friendship groups.

I go to an exercise class three times a week and the same faces are always there, but they go in groups or in pairs and don't seem interested in letting anyone else in.

I tried baby and toddler groups with my little one and their other parents again, know each other already.

Work friendships seem to not extend out of work.

Am I the problem?

I hear you OP If you come up with any answers I'd be glad of them too

Do you initiate conversations or just wait for people to talk to you ?

I think you need to widen the groups you go to.

An exercise class doesn't really allow much opportunity for chatting to new people.

Depending on your interests something like a book club, a knitting group or similar generally allows more opportunity to talk and get to know new people.

I actually ended up making new friends where I live when I joined a group that was campaigning to stop our local greenbelt being built on. I realised they were a nice group of like minded people and as well as trying to save our greenbelt we also do a lot of chatting over wine.

Yes, I definitely do try to initiate conversation but nobody seems to welcome me in! I'll get a polite response then they'll continue on in their little groups.

I agree with the exercise point. I just genuinely don't know what other groups I can go to. Without sounding like the biggest bore on the planet, I don't really have other hobbies!

It's actually starting to get me down a little bit

No it’s not just you. I don’t have many friends and everyone said I would make them with my children go to school. Well they’ve been there 3 years and I still don’t have any friends at the school. I think making friends ads a certain age is extremely difficult, and most people that already have friendship groups aren’t interested in making new friends

Ads= after!*

Is there a running group near you?

If there is a This Mum Runs locally they are super friendly.

I have relocated twice in my life, I’m now almost 250 miles from my hometown.

It’s a numbers game op. There is no way we can make a meaningful connection with everyone. The friends I made who are long term since relocating are people I had something in common with. Sadly one of my closest friends died a couple of years ago and her area of research at our workplace was similar to one of my greatest passions so we connected easily. I have made friends through involvements with charities and also through a shared love of singing in choirs.

I also made three really good friends or so I thought at the school gate. Now our dc are teenagers one has fallen by the wayside and I realise it was really because our dc were friends, she also moved away so it would take some sort of effort. That made me feel quite sad, no falling out at all.

Shared passions is the way forward but it sounds like you don’t have any. I suppose try a few things but really it has to be in the gut as such you can’t make a passion. I have tried an art class recently, some nice people, there but I don’t feel the need to extend my attendance past the introductory sessions as it’s not for me.

This is my life

I think that's the name on the head @PumpkinP. People have their friends and don't want anymore

The best place for this kind of thing is the pub tbh. I can make friends no matter where I live... but only through mutual friends or the pub. It's very very hard without either of those.

It's "funny" really because I have a number of girl friends (My two closest friends are male) but I often feel the girls aren't all that interested in maintaining the friendship and like I put all the effort in, checking up on them, listening to their worries, making plans for days out which they usually then cancel at the last minute.

I know it isn't the same situation as yours OP but I have actually found conversations easier to strike on this forum with other women than with the women who are involved in my real life, perhaps talking more online would eventually help you find the confidence to strike up conversation easier away from the internet.

I could have written this myself OP. I live nearly 200 miles from my hometown and while I'm still close to my university friends and some school friends, I've found it difficult to make friends locally. DH has also mentioned he feels the same. We have a couple of good friends through work but that's about it!

I joined sports clubs to branch out but my problem seems to be everyone else is either a lot older than me/at a different life stage so we have nothing in common.

Expecting DC1 in December, and hopeful that our NCT classes or baby groups might help us connect to more people