To think my mum has NO boundaries!

[Milkfreemoomum]

Ordered a parcel to be delivered at mum's as I was at work. She said this was fine. Went round today to get it. She tells me she's opened it!! Her excuse was I thought it might be my Xmas present. It had the logo on the box of what was inside, she 100% knew it wasn't for her and for my DS. If this was an isolated incident I wouldn't be so mad but my whole life she's had no boundaries! No privacy when I lived at home. Snooped in my room, looked in my phone when I was in another room. I wasn't a bad kid never did anything bad. But still she felt the need to do this stuff. I couldn't even tell her myself I was pregnant as she snooped through my receipts and found I have done a pregnancy test! I just do not get why she doesn't have boundaries!! AIBU to be mad?

Interesting that she doesn't do it to your sister. Is it because she would go apeshit? Maybe you need to discover your inner tiger OP.

I'm by nature quite a nosy person. But it's not on to invade your children's privacy. Maybe because my mother was like yours I'm extra clear about this. It's not healthy because it unconsciously teaches you that you're not worthy of having strong boundaries with others either. So I've always been a bit of a walkover. Stick up for yourself now OP.

So you have ordered a Christmas present for your son and had it sent to your mums?
Surely the conversation went ‘mum is it ok to have a parcel delivered to your house? It’s X I’ve bought for Y. He is going to love it.’
Or do you expect her to sit around waiting for your parcels but not share any information?
If you don’t want her to know about your life fair enough that’s your decision, but then don’t rely on her for favours.

@Troilusworks yes i think it is because my sister would go mental. She has much better boundaries than me. I don't know why mine are so rubbish compared to my sister as we both grew up with the same parents.

It wasn't a christmas present, it was some footwear for my DS and it was clear it was that on the box. Her excuse for was pathetic and she knew it was.

Years ago, I caught my MIL snooping in my bedroom. She thought I was busy in the kitchen making dinner, and my husband and his dad were watching tv.

Needless to say, she will never be left unattended in my home.

@aquamarine1029 what was she looking for? That's so rude!

@Milkfreemoomum

She was actually looking through my drawers! I thought my husband was going to have a heart attack he was so angry. Can you even imagine doing such a thing?!

My parents were like this growing up; always read my (pre-teen) diary, stalking me on social media, listening to phone calls to friends, checking receipts etc. They were very strict and in turn, this created sneaky children. When I was 14 I purchased an internet modem (!!) and kept it hidden to use it when they weren’t home (as they would lock up our one if I’d been naughty), I also lied about everything and everyone I know and even had a second hidden mobile for a while! I have a relatively good relationship with them now surprisingly and I do know that they had good intentions but it was so refreshing when I got married and realised my husband wouldn’t dare to open my post or check my wardrobe drawers etc. You should implement strict boundaries by not telling her things and not allowing her access to your things. Otherwise you’ll spend the rest of your life with her pushing down on you, almost like a dominating move as a pp said.

If someone had no boundaries concerning me my whole life, I wouldn’t get parcels delivered to their house.

I also wouldn’t find myself in a situation where they had access to my receipts and could find out if I’d bought a pregnancy test.

@HAFLUMP This ounds like my childhood, everything listned too, room snopped in everu day would sneak out to my car and snoop in their when i got one and like you i became very sneaky which still to this day autamitially lie about certain things when asked (Something which serioulsy trying to stop) When i moved in to my house my mother would ome over and go upstairs to the bathroom, you would then hear her walking around snooping in each room so started locking every room bar the kitchen and living room when she was over. Go with what Skittlesandbear has advised, and i did the same, get your parcels delivered to work parcel motel etc, tell her nothing only what you want her to know, don't bring her anywhere even shopping. When she questions or asks things give her the bare minumum, reduce time spent with her. She will not change so its up to you to change and decide how you want your relationship to be with her from now on and how much interaction you want with her, I manged to plan my weding in two years without telling her, told her 4 months before the wedding. She wasn't happy but it had to be done or else she would have interfered. Hope it works out for you

Hi OP you could try a version of pollyglot's scheme by getting a suitable message in a box delivered to your DM which she will open despite being addressed to you.

Sympathy, my DM was a bit of a snooper at times. Letters would fling themselves out of envelopes and fall open in front of her. Any snooping was always excused as being for my own good.

May I suggest that you order yourself this ‘Nosey Cunt’ trinket box and have it delivered to her house? When she opens it, she’ll get a nice surprise.
holyflaps.co.uk/shop/hand-decorated-nosey-cunt-trinket-pot/