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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I drop a shift at work? Stretching myself too far.

29 replies

MonstranceClock · 09/10/2019 22:50

I’m a single mum with another baby on the way. I’m studying a full time degree and work 3 days a week, 7-7. Saturday is my only day off but still have to be up early as my daughter has a dance class in the morning. I’m knackered Ansbach I have no time for anything. I haven’t done any reading with my daughter for weeks. I know it’s just a short term problem really, as I only have 2 years left on my degree.
I’m considering dropping one of my shifts down to leave me a day in the week when she is at school to have a day to myself and get housework and uni work done so I don’t have to spend the evenings doing it. But this will leave us a bit more skint than I would like.
Probably just on here for a moan but I’m not sure what the best scenario would be. What would you do in my position? Aibu to be a bit selfish and take the pay cut, or should I keep plugging on as it’s only for a bit longer. Feeling exhausted and miserable.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 09/10/2019 22:58

Could your daughter go to a different dance class at a more convenient time? Depending on how old she is , could she go by herself, or could you alternate drop offs with another parent? If she's very young, she probably won't care which class she goes to, or even if she goes at all. Its probably better for her to change to a different class or give it up than it is for you to lose a days pay. That seems disproportionate .

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 09/10/2019 23:02

No the other one starts to close to school finish time so we wouldn’t make it as it’s a half hour drive away. I don’t mind the dance class, I love that she has something to look forward to each week, plus it’s an hour and half for me to sit in a cafe and eat cake!

OP posts:
HuntIdeas · 09/10/2019 23:07

If you drop a shift now won’t it affect your maternity pay?

catandadogandababy · 09/10/2019 23:10

@HuntIdeas I was going to suggest the same

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 09/10/2019 23:11

Yes it probably will 😢

OP posts:
HuntIdeas · 10/10/2019 06:29

Pay for a cleaner with some of the extra money you get from not dropping a shift

Can you take your uni work to the cafe and do it there while she has her dance lesson?

Thehop · 10/10/2019 06:31

Look into may pay before you drop it, then decide

TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 06:38

Can you drop down to two twelves after maternity leave?

ohgetyou · 10/10/2019 06:44

Get a cleaner even if they take half your pay you will still be better off and half the work to do. Consider if you can do your degree part time. You don't mention the age of your daughter or a partner, but if she is still young and no partner it might be worth seeing is you can do your degree part time or if you have a partner getting them to do more work in the home.
I work 3 days 9-5, have two children with autism and I am doing a part time degree. Neither of the children do clubs anymore. My husband does a thorough tidy of the house on a Tuesday evening when he gets home, and does the dishwasher and washing machine every day, as I do, I have a cleaner who comes in on a Thursday. All I have to do then is keep on top of the bits and pieces that crop up over the week.
This is a perfectly manageable workload for me and the first time in years that I haven't felt stressed from morning to evening.

Good luck at finding a solution.

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 10/10/2019 06:58

My daughter is 5, no partner. Going part time is not something I’m willing to do, but I might look I to getting a cleaner. Is once a week enough do you think? I tidy and clean everyday?

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 10/10/2019 07:10

Could you compromise and drop a half shift, or ask for flexible working hours which would better fit your family routine/childcare?

What's your plan for mat leave and childcare when the new baby arrives? Is the dad involved at all?

DelphiniumBlue · 10/10/2019 07:30

Are there really no other options for dance classes? You say " the other one", but aren't there other dance schools?

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 10/10/2019 07:59

The dance class really isn’t a problem. It’s better for her to go to that one anyway as it’s dancing, acting and singing and it’s ofsted registered so my student finance pays for it and they run clubs in the holidays.

OP posts:
Original poster
MonstranceClock · 10/10/2019 08:00

I have a nanny that does pick ups from school etc when I’m working which will stay the same after baby is here. My husband passed away a few months ago so no help with children.

OP posts:
readingismycardio · 10/10/2019 08:54

I feel you. I work full time (over 4 days) and full time second degree (3 years left))AND I'm planning a wedding which tbh is harder than I thought. I don't even have children and I'm exhausted all the time. We hired a cleaner and this helps a lot. What helps a lot too is to plan ahead a lot-clothes to wear, stuff to do, meals to eat

readingismycardio · 10/10/2019 08:55

Sorry pressed post too soon. It's hard, I can't imagine how's having children too, but you can do it. Good luck, OP! You're a wonder woman, really!

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 10/10/2019 09:56

Thankyou. I’m feeling better today, I think I was just exhausted and overwhelmed yesterday as I didn’t get home till 10.

OP posts:
TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 09:57

How long do you have until maternity leave? Are you taking a year off uni?

EmiliaAirheart · 10/10/2019 12:43

I’m so sorry about your husband. You’re doing brilliantly and you’ll get through this frantic stage, but go easy on yourself and buy in any help you need. I hope all goes well with the arrival of your new baby.

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 10/10/2019 12:46

I’m 27 weeks, I’ll work up till I drop. No I’m not taking a year off, I just want to get this over with

OP posts:
HappyHarlot · 10/10/2019 12:50

OP, you are obviously Wonder Woman! I have no idea how you are coping with all of this.

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 10/10/2019 12:52

Neither do I Grin can’t even have a bloody ciggy and a glass of wine.

OP posts:
GettingABitDesperateNow · 10/10/2019 13:04

I have a cleaner every 2 weeks to clean bathrooms and mop floors, wipe down door units etc, the time consuming jobs I hate. As we're out of the house monday - friday it works out ok. You can always start with that and increase if it's not working.

I'd also try and relax whatever rules you have about housework like change sheets every 3 weeks instead of weekly or something just to buy you a bit more time.

Can you get your nanny to read to your daughter? Is there anything else she could do to help?

I would also see if you can get someone to share lifts to dance, it will buy you an hour not in the car every other week.

Can you look into being flexible with your shifts, eg because of the pregnancy would they let you work two half shifts rather than one full one as 12 hours must be knackering.

Look at anything else you can outsource or cut down on. Eg cook double of every other meal so you have more food in the freezer, treat yourself to a takeaway a bit more often, get your daughter school dinners rather than packed lunch etc. Just smy little step to buy you some more time

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 10/10/2019 13:09

I just don’t have the time in the week to work 2 halves unfortunately. I work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Then I’m at uni Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, 9-5. Uni is an hour and a half drive. No one else in her dance class live near me. I’m just gonna have to man up.

OP posts:
Bellringer · 10/10/2019 13:21

Sorry for your loss. Check you are getting any benefit you can, see Martin Lewis to reduce outgoings. Good luck