To think my friend is a bit crap or am I the crap one?

[Contactcollege]

I'm feeling pretty rubbish at the moment so I genuinely do not know if it is me.

I have a friend I have known a long time. Sometimes we talk daily, sometimes weekly but always regularly. I used to see her regularly in person too until we both moved. I've known her for almost two decades.
When she went through a tough time I was there for her emotionally and practically.

Something I have noticed recently is how she deflects the conversation back to herself constantly. I've been quite poorly recently and had a lot to deal with outside of this but have not really burdened anyone with it.
I was offline for weeks and she didn't text during that time.

When she did find out I was having a rubbish time she basically started telling me how wonderful her life is, what amazing things she is doing and how amazing things are looking for her.

When she found out her son had done better than mine on his A levels and was upset she messaged me several times saying how amazing her son had done and how wonderful he was and how great his life was going to be and linked the school website and articles to show how well he had done.

In both situations I was happy for her and for him but it was done in a way that felt insensitive to ds.

It sounds silly typing it but there are so many incidents I can't even think of specifics.

That doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. She sounds very self involved and totally tactless. Maybe it's time to think about whether the friendship brings you any happiness or whether you should just let it go. As I have got older its been quite a relief to let the unhealthy friendships in my life go.

Sometimes in long friendships we are so used to something we don't even notice it. Then one day, you wake up and and really see someone. She's probably always been like this and you haven't really noticed until now. It's sad, but she probably isn't going to be any support to you now you need it. On the other hand, your eyes are open now to who she is, and it's up to you if you want to continue the friendship.
I really hope you're feeling better soon, and I'm sorry you don't have a nicer friend.

She doesn’t sound the most tactful woman tbh! She’s probably just too busy thinking about herself to think about others. The proof of the pudding is if she’s there for you when you need her.

It’s not you. You’re not the crap one, she is. There’s no need to be hurtful and cruel and definitely no need to gloat. Maybe something’s going on in her life and she behaves in a way that makes her feel better, but really, I find behaviour like this inexcusable.

Forget about her, there are better strangers on MN than this friend! I hope you feel better and things improve for you soon :)